So today is day two of being back at the gym. Those of you that know me...know I love the gym! Something is a bit off though and it's me! Even though I am a big woman and always have been, I have always been able to feel good at the gym, confident no matter what level I was with anything. There was a time when I started many years ago that I was insecure, but those days have been long gone. These last two days, I have felt insecure a bit...not overwhelmingly so but I'm not on my A game!
When I walked in the gym today, I walk in head held high and feeling confident until I step on the treadmill. My foot does hurt (plantar fasciitis). Dr. wants me to stay off of it but because I can't he has me just stretching and icing it and praying I don't screw it up more. I am a bit of a hard head when it comes to pain and pushing through it....I'm a no pain no gain kind of block head. "Grins"
I start my warm up walking pace after I have stretched out both feet....yep my other foot I have Achilles Tendinitis but it is under control. The gym seemed hot today too like they had the heater on and it wasn't cold outside. I kept on though, my headphones blasting and my towel covering the readout on the treadmill. The first 15 minutes are always hard for me...I need to keep telling myself come on...not much longer till your over the hurdle. But something kept the hurdle going today! I kept pushing myself but it felt like I was carrying about 50 extra pounds! Little things distracted me like my shirt was tighter and was hanging up on my butt and belly a bit, I was hotter and sweating more than normal, my foot wouldn't quit throbbing and pounding with pain, and I just couldn't find my groove. I had to keep pausing to stretch out my foot and I would stretch hard then my calf and shin would ache but my foot wasn't noticeable as much, so I would continue. I fought for every minute today.
After my workout, tired and aching I went to the locker room to change. I thought about my workout today and realized.....I let the fat and weight win today. I let it distract me. I did my workout but it wasn't the high I normally get and I didn't keep the pace and push that I normally keep. I won't let that 10 pounds rule me anymore.....I am stronger than it! I will center myself before I go to the gym and find my strength within that is a kick-ass woman and won't let anything beat her!
Since I pushed so hard today without thinking straight...I have hurt my foot again and need to wrap and ice it all night and hope I can stand on it tomorrow morning.
My lesson for today....my weight only holds power over me if I allow it. The guilt I feel about gaining it and the shame for letting it happen grew only because I let it. I will not be ashamed that I gained it because I am taking steps to lose it and make myself healthier. I will walk tall knowing that I am not my weight....I am a strong confident woman who can hold her own and is more than a number on a scale. No excuses only results and hard work!
Tomorrow is another day a brighter stronger day!
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