Journey to the center of a fat woman: Apr 4, 2010

Sunday, April 4, 2010

A Happy Easter indeed!!

Happy Easter everyone!!! Well this year, I am feeling good about who and what I am. However, I do not like this photo!!! Sheeze!!! Anyway, this is one of my new dresses for my new size me. In the photo it looks like it just hangs but really there is a waist and some boobs in there!!! LOL

I couldn't tell you why I am leaning though. Ha ha ha. Maybe there was some hip action that I was unaware of!! lol.

This morning, Jim and I picked up mom and Kelly and took them out to breakfast at the Golden Corrall. It is the end of my Lent promise and I had every intention of eating something bad!!!! Well first thing this morning, when I got up, I ate a piece of Jim's Pot of Gold candy. I thought I was going to hurl!!! It was sooo sickening sweet. Yuck!! Hey wait a minute....did I just say yuck to chocolate?!?!?! OMG where is the pod. Yep that's right. It was too sweet for me.

So when we got to the resturant, I got some eggs, ham, sausage, hashbrowns and some mushrooms. I couldn't eat the sausage, it wouldn't break down enough even chewing it 30 times!!!! I was able to eat the scrambled eggs with the mushrooms mixed in with them, but the ham and the hasbrowns...took another journey. Yep, I couldn't keep those guys down. That's ok though. I then had some cottage cheese with pears, some apples, and something else that I can't remember right now. Wow must have made a lasting impression on me. Welll that stuff went down ok.

Then it was time for dessert!!!! Oh the joy...chocolate cake!!!! I had a piece of cake with some vanilla ice cream on it, two chocolate chip cookies and a peanut butter cookie. They all grossed me out. I ate them...but I know I won't do that again!!! Have I finally gotten over my obsession with sweets?!?! Wow that would be nice!!! Let's see how I do with the bread, pasta, and rice thing. I am continuing with not eating those things from here on out. Naturally I won't be as strick as I was for Lent but I am going to be pretty close!!! I don't want to lose what I have started. The losing weight and feeling good about myself is fantastic!!! I don't want to lose this feeling again!!! Now if I can stay away from cameras I'll be ok. I still hate the way I look in photos!!! I never feel like I look like me!! ARG!!!!!

Anyway, I didn't eat too much except for the sweets and now we are home. Time to get a move on my resume for Tuesday. Who knows I may actually push hard for a job!!! I'm not going to get my hopes up too high. I don't want to be let down, but I have to try right?!?!! RIGHT!!!

So I hope you all had a great Easter!!! I did. Hugs to you all!!!!

How this whole thing got started....

I have been heavy almost all my life. My primary doctor kept telling me that I would be a great candidate for bariatric surgery. I really didn't want to do it. The thought of someone rearranging my innards was not ok to me. So I put off the idea for a good 5 years. Well it wasn't until one Halloween night and an innocent little girl changed my mind.

It was Halloween 2007. I had decorated the front porch and my mom and I were going to hand out candy to all of the trick or treaters. I had a few animatronic things going and the kids were loving the fact that they could come up and get close to everything. Towards the end of the evening a very cute little girl came up to the porch. She put her candy sack down and started staring at everything moving. She was just totally enthralled by it all. Then she looks at me and asks me, "did you get that fat by eating candy?" I smiled and told her yes I did. She went back to watching everything again. Then out of the blue she tells me that I'm going to break the chair I'm sitting in. Again smiling, I tell her it's ok, it's a good strong chair. By this time I thought the little girl was never going to leave. She finally got her candy and left with her grandpa who kept appologizing to my husband for her. It was ok, she was a kid and I don't mind that kids speak what they see. It kind of stung a little bit but it's not like I didn't know I was fat!!! But it wasn't until I put the photos my hubby took of that night on my computer. I saw what the little girl saw. OMG (Oh my gosh)!!!! No wonder she thought I was going to break my chair. I was almost in tears. It was the next business day that I called my doctor and asked for a referral for surgery.