Making choices

This morning I was not feeling like cooking anything for breakfast.  Cottage cheese didn't sound good to me at all, so the only thing left for me to eat was either a protein shake or the hard boiled eggs I bought yesterday.  How cool is that, WalMart in their deli section had a bag of hard boiled eggs, 6 total, for $1.98!!  Woo hoo.  Anyway, back on track.  I normally only eat 4 large eggs for egg salad but these were small.  Now hold on a minute, just because I said 4 eggs doesn't mean that I eat the yolks of all of them.  I eat one whole egg and 3 egg whites.  The mayo is what kills me in the end.  This morning I didn't even feel like dealing with getting rid of the yolks.  So I cut up all six eggs and added *lowering my head* 3 Tablespoons of mayo.  Not low fat or fat free mayo, the real stuff.  I took one taste and it had no flavor, so I heated it up in the microwave for 15 seconds on medium heat to see if I could bring out the egg flavor.  Nope, no luck there.  Where is that sweet pickle relish?....found it!  In goes about 3 Tablespoons of that.  Much better.  I had added too much mayo since I heated the eggs.  Normally I use fresh boiled and only need about a tablespoon of mayo since the heat makes it mix better.  I tried to push aside all of the extra mayo and eat breakfast.  I had no problem with it going down since it was really slick with all the mayo.  Can you tell that I am a little obsessed with the amout of mayo I used?!?!  LOL.

Okay, breakfast was prepared and eaten by 6:30am.  No more eating until at LEAST 11am.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  What was I thinking?  Honestly, I couldn't tell you.  I had found a slice of frozen key lime pie in the freezer when I was putting food away yesterday.  I thought that it wouldn't be a problem, since it had been in there for awhile anyway.  Nooooo!!!!!!  It sat out there in the freezer and kept calling my name!!  Tristine.......Tristine......Hey You........You know you want me........I'm so yummy.........What's a little piece of pie going to hurt?...........You can work it off later........  *Lowering my head even further..* I caved to the pressure.  It was too much.  I hate peer pressure from myself.  Bad self, bad self.  But oh it tasted sooooo good.  But then it was gone and what do I have to show for it?  350 EXTRA CALORIES!!!!!  Wholly cow that's a meal!!!!  Bread and water for lunch for me...oh wait, I can't eat bread.....just water it is.  Sigh.  The worst part about this is that I ate the pie at 8:30am!!! 

I wasn't hungry, I wasn't really bored (had a ton of laundry to do), and I wasn't feeling overly emotional (at least I didn't think I was).  So why did I eat it.  That seems to be the question of my life.  I have no reason to feel deprived, I haven't been keeping goodies out of my life (even though I'm supposed to).  I can whip up anything any time I want.  I didn't have to go to Brown Bag with my mom and sister today.  I'm feeling a little better with my cold, even though the coughs still feel like I'm going to lose a lung.  I don't really have anyone that has expectations of me that I have to fulfill other than my surgeon, and eating the pie would NOT make him happy.  So what is wrong with me?!?!!

The positive aspect of this whole situation is that I didn't eat again until noon!!  I drank a bottle of water and just didn't think about eating.  For lunch I had 5 slices of canadian bacon, and a Campbell's Soup at Hand Veggie with noodles.  Lunch totaled a whole 175 calories!!!  But with the 694 for breakfast, the 350 for pie, and then 175 for lunch, that puts me 200 calories over my daily intake!!!  I still have to eat dinner tonight!!!  I have decided to make some fish for dinner to cut down on the calories.  I don't want to get into that mind set of well I blew that meal.....let's just forget the whole day.  I can't do that!!!

So now it's back to laundry and drinking more water.  Maybe if I concentrate on drinking my 4 bottles of water, I won't think about food so much.  One can hope right.  Well there were some hard choices that I have to deal with today.  I can't get down on myself or that will defeat the whole process.  I can't linger on the situation because that will lead to more eating.  AARRRRGGG!!!

Ohmmmm, ohmmmmmm, ohmmmmm, if only this really worked for me.  Well another day, another choice, another step down my journey.  No one said my path was going to be paved.

Coughin' to coffin...

Well I never made it to the gym Monday morning.  Thankfully it wasn't because I didn't want to get out of bed, but because I have a nasty chest cold that kept me asleep. 

I thought that I was going to grab on of my many aerobic DVD's and get some cardio in.  I thought wrong!!  This cold is really being a pain in my.....chest!!!!

I wish I could say that I was good and didn't eat a ton of food these last couple of days.....oh to wish for things.  Monday I ate 2 cups of Honey Nut Chex dry, and made myself a cheese pizza out of a flour tortilla.  Yesterday, I ate about half a cup of ice cream, 3 taco supremes, and a grande soft taco from Taco Bell, 4 cookies, and a candy bar.  All of this food was on top of my normal food....well except for the tacos...they were last nights dinner.  But 4 TACO's?!?!?!?!  OMG!!!!

I have to do some cholesterol blood work this Saturday, so I have to be good.  Not just for that, I have to be good for me.  Time to start struggling with portion sizes and emotional eating AGAIN.  Man, I hate the fact that it seems like every month I am struggling with these same issues!!!  When am I going to get it?!?!?!

Well for now, I'm dealing with the chest cold and not eating everything in the house.  One day at a time.  Sigh.