I'm sorry that I've been away for so long. This has been a long two weeks for me. I had to take some time away from me. When I say take some time away from me, I have to try and stop moving in the direction I'm going and take a breath and really look at what it is I am really doing. Since I am emotionally involved in so many relationships, I haven't been taking care of myself. I know I do this as a way of not facing things about me. I have been backing away from my gym workouts, family and friends all because I am running on pure emotion and not brain power. The only way I can really explain it is if you watch the Dog Whisperer he says that we give our dogs affection over discipline because it's easier on us, but it's not what is really best for your dog. So I guess this is where I look at myself as a dog owner and dog and woof at myself for not taking myself out for walks, no discipline, giving too many treats, and neglecting my needs. Bad owner....
I make light of this but it's really an issue for me. I had to take a week off from Facebook because I didn't feel that I could in good conscious face my friends with happy thoughts and comments when I didn't really feel up to it. Don't get me wrong, those happy thoughts and comments towards all of my friends and that is real to them. It's the happy feeling I feel inside that is missing. The minute I let everyone know that I needed some time away, all of my wonderful friends rushed to my side. I had support like never before. Everyone was there for me. But even all of the support couldn't get me back up....at least in the beginning.
As the days went by of my silence, I started to let some of my gloom go. It's still there because the problems are still there, but I have been able to breathe again. I will still follow the same path that I was headed on with helping and taking care of things but I don't feel so smothered. Now it's not my friends that smother me, it's me that smothers me. I know that most of you won't be able to understand this if you have never had this issue to deal with. Trust me as I even write this, I keep looking at the Bugles and the corn Doritos thinking just a few won't hurt. I have been able to resist, but man the fact that this happens at all after this long is upsetting.
So why do I torture myself like this? I know I am not good about sharing my emotions and feelings, even on here, I hold back...I don't want to scare you all away.... You do get a lot of it but it's so much easier to bury it deep within myself then to have to deal with it. But then it oozes up to the top and starts to drown me. I'm the one that does this...no one else tells me to do this, this is something that I have learned all on my own.
I'm trying to keep busy today to trying to keep the gloom away. I just need to stay focused on what it is I want and not what everyone else wants. Even though no one is asking for anything really. Well some are but that's something different, sort of...ugh!!!
I'm going now....enjoy your day and I'll be back soon!!!
