I am sorry that I missed a day in posting but yesterday was so hectic and just draining. Between the auto mechanics trying to charge me $900 for a break job to barely coming home in time to keep my power from being shut off. Talk about a good time to really emotionally eat. But one of the things that kept me strong was rereading all of the wonderful and loving notes you all sent me on my last entry! I truly have such wonderful people in my life!! I am truly blessed. I hold you all close to my heart always. And when there are days that I feel I don't love or even like myself, I can come back to all of your wonderful postings and things over the many years that I have known some of you and fill myself with that love until I am able to find it in myself again. I can not truly tell you what that means to me!
So even though yesterday was a long and very draining day, I still had my goal in mind. I stopped at WalMart to pick up a few things. I bought some 5 pound weights to go with my heavier weights so that when I am working on my cardio, I can also do some isometric training as well. I also bout a yoga mat. And yes Michelle I am still planning to go do some yoga with you soon! But I bought it to help cushion my knees and elbows on the floor when I am doing floor work. The shag carpet I have makes for very sore knees and elbows! LOL. I also picked up 3 videos. They are Gold's Gym workout videos that are more cardio and isometrics than heavy weights. The strength training I have no problem with at all. The wanting to do cardio other than the treadmill or bike is. That and it will give me a sense that I am working out with someone.
Well today is half over and I haven't done any exercise yet other than walk around the farmers market at the Capitol and to and from it (which was a nice block there and back). I had no trouble walking at all. Poor mom was having a time keeping up, but hey she did pretty good for being 73!! I am maintaining logging everything that I eat, and think I'm going to contact the bariatric dietitian about calorie intake. I want to make sure that what I am doing is really helping me not hindering me! There were some wonderful breads and cookies at the market and for a minute I thought, you know Jim might like some of those. Then I stopped and thought, no....don't do it! You KNOW you will not stay out of them!!! You do not have the will power yet to do that. I may of had it before, but I don't right now. And right now is what matters and counts! So I walked away! I must admit I am very proud of that. So they didn't have much in way of vegetables today, so I bought some fruit and headed back to the car. Now when I dropped mom off at her car (which was parked behind a chinese buffet) I was so temped to say do ya wanna grab lunch. And mom bless her heart would have said yes. Even though she knows it's not what I should be doing, she doesn't want me unhappy. So I have to be strong for myself and not even go there. I did tell her that I so wanted to eat there but wasn't going to. I headed home eating some pistachios from the market because it was far past 4 hours since my protein shake and I didn't have another one with me. I even kept the shells in my pocket so that when I got home, I could log just how many I ate! That and the 3 cherries I sampled at the market. LOL.
I am taking it one day at a time but know that I will succeed. I can't fail with such love from all of you, and I think I maybe finally ready to do this journey I started so many years ago, but really since surgery October of 2008. I think no I KNOW I am ready this time. I am so excited to see me at the end of the tunnel being that beaming glow not hiding from it! I truly love you all!!!
