Happy New Year everyone! I hope this year is full of joy, surprises, hope, triumphs, and if there must be pain, may it not linger and you not suffer.
Looking back over the last year...well let's just say, I'm very glad it's over! I have learned many lessons both good and bad and I have struggled and sometimes triumphed. I have seen that I am usually my own worst enemy, which I have always really known, but I have really seen it first hand this last year. I have tried to fake it till I made it and there is just too much on my plate to even really try to accomplish even faking it.
So this year I am trying to take care of me one step at a time. Now if you know me at all...you know that I would rather poke my eyes out with a red hot poker than to try and do anything for me. But I have seen that this has to happen. It is no longer just a want but a need. I have been painfully reminded that I am not the person that I used to be that the old happy, confident, fun loving, woman I used to be has been lost for a long long time. That my efforts to put on that happy face mask have worn through and the suffering that I feel now shows. Now most people would say well screw them at this point. My head and thoughts turn and attack me and make me want to isolate from anyone and anything, including my puppies that I love so very much.
No resolutions this year but trying for a new way of thinking. Trying to get rid of that stinking thinking therapists always love to say. I'm not going to diet but to make healthier choices and be more accountable for what it is I shove in my face...which I am sad to say I have already blown today but tomorrow is a new day. I won't blow an entire day with one bad choice for a meal, I will make better choices for that next meal. I am trying to not take on so much on my plate so I have made a list of things that I want done and trying to make a schedule of when to do them so I can plan for things better. Also I'm not cutting back spending but again making wiser choices. It's all about putting the positive back in my life no matter how much the thought of it makes me cringe. It's so hard to look on the bright side when your face is in the mud, but even the sun comes out and dries up the mud and makes grass and flowers grow....I need to become one of those flowers again....even if it's a weed like a dandelion.
So one day at a time...one moment at a time...I will get there....
