Well last night was a blast and a half for me. Jim and I went to a party at a friends house. Now for you to understand how tremendous this was, I have to tell you that I haven't been to a party or a friends house in over three years. I would want to go, but by the time I found something that fit and got past my insecurities, I was so miserable that it wasn't worth going. No matter how good of a friend it was. I couldn't even go visit family in Oregon because I couldn't get over my insecurities. How pathetic is that, that I couldn't even see family and they couldn't get me past my "head".
Well all of that vanished last night. Now most of these people were friends of Jim's that he went to school with, but one lady in particular had become a good friend of mine. That lady was Holly. We had become friends through Facebook. Holly had read my blog and then befriended me. That was the start of me coming out of my shell among other things.
Jim and I had been invited to another party earlier in the year by another one of his friends, Randy. We were unable to make that one, but I am so happy that we were able to make Holly's party last night. Everyone made me feel so comfortable!!! It was like I had known these people for years!!! They didn't see that I was heavy, they saw me for me!!! I didn't have to go hide in a corner being to afraid to talk to anyone for fear of being judged. I was actually able to mingle and talk with people!!! For the first time in a very long time, I didn't even think about my weight. I could just be me. The same quirky, fun-loving, smart arse me. One of the best things about last night was that Jim and I actually got to spend some time out together having fun. Jim has accepted the "mole" lifestyle I had become accustomed to. We hadn't been out together on a date or just to hang out in many years. We had gotten comfortable (well I had at least) with hiding in the house and hiding from the world. I think I have made his life so dull and lifeless, but if you know Jim he would tell you otherwise. He is such a support for me, I don't know if I could have done this without him. Thank you honey, I love you!!!! Anyway, I didn't have to stay by his side looking for comfort and support. I was able to let him go off on his own while I met new people.
I can't explain to you in words just how empowering this is for me. I can be the real me here on the computer, because I know you don't have to see me. But for me to be able to be me and not hide is better than any drug I could ever find!!!
So I am looking forward to many more outings no matter what they may be. This has been a long road to travel but I think that this path is starting to get paved and isn't so rocky. The next thing I need to do is get those boots a walking and continue to put myself out there. I'm worth it and I'm finally starting to see that.
Thanks everyone who has helped me get this far!!! You don't know how much your love and support really means!!! Now let's start getting together....lol
