Last night we were invited to a friends house to celebrate her daughters birthdays. Now that in itself is nothing that I would worry about. But the fact that there were going to be a mess of people there that I have never met does. Now if you have read my blog for any length of time or even know me personally, you know that I live in shorts and t-shirts. I have no middle ground clothing. It's either dress up or dressed down. So when I asked my friend what she is wearing, she replied casual, jeans and a sweater. Well that is not casual for me and I know that the crowd that is going to be there is not going to show up in a baggy t-shirt and jeans. Since last year was not a good year for my weight loss track, I have put on some of the weight that I had lost. So you know I don't like how ANYTHING fits!!!! While going about my day, I took a long hard look at myself in my minds eye. Now I don't wear anything that shows my stomach in any way shape or form, that's why the baggy t-shirts. But the thought of looking dumpy or worrying myself sick so I wouldn't want to go, was going to be out of the question. I decided, ok I'm fat, there is nothing that can be done about that in the next 5 hours. I am going to look nice even if I am a bit uncomfortable showing my curves. (Which to me feel like mountains). So I put on a tighter fitting blouse, nice necklace, did my make-up and hair, and walked out the door.
The only one that was even remotely concerned about what I looked like was me. I can't say that I was comfortable enough to enjoy my photo taken, but I didn't run hiding from the camera either. Thankfully no one has posted any photos on Facebook yet though. LOL. I was able to enjoy the evening with friends. And even though I was not bold enough to actually get to know anyone there (yeah I kind of stayed with the friends I knew), I am one step closer to accepting who I am and that what I look like only really matters to me. Well at least the only one that worries what I look like is me.
So I will continue with working out at the gym and pushing myself forward. Just another baby step in this long journey to the center of a fat woman. But I know I am going to love the center once I get there and hopefully before that! Thank you for following my journey and I hope I have touched you in some way.
