Today I was talking with a friend of mine about another friend of ours that is starting the journey to bariatric surgery. Our friend was upset because her doctor told her that she had to lose 50 pounds before he could even think about doing the surgery. And it dawned on me....
I've come a long way. I remember when I first met with my surgeon and he told me that I had to lose 10% of my body weight before he could do the surgery. Now I knew that this was going to be asked of me because I had gone to classes and groups preparing me for my first meeting with my surgeon. I thought oh my gosh 10% of 413 pounds you have got to be kidding me!!! How in the world am I going to lose that much weight?!?! How can I get that much weight off before my next meeting with my surgeon in a couple of months?!?! You have got to be kidding me. Then I remember talking to my surgeon and he wanted me to have the bypass surgery and I wanted the Lap Band. He told me that it would be better for me, and I would lose the weight faster and more of it. But I stood by my decision on having the Lap Band. I can remember promising him that I would work extra hard to get the weight off. That I was capable of losing the weight I needed with the help of the Lap Band.
Of course I was scared at first. I was really good at first, because let's face it....I wanted the surgery!!! But then as time went on., life got in the way. Old stressors and triggers were still there and since I hadn't dealt with how to deal with these things, I went back to my old ways and started eating again. I would beat myself up and be good again for awhile but I would again eat. This went on for awhile until it became closer to my next meeting with my surgeon. I didn't want to let him down. I had promised him that I would work really hard and I had to prove to him that I was worthy of having the Lap Band surgery. So I did what ever was needed to get the last few pounds off.
I felt fantastic that I was able to do it!! I couldn't have done it without the few support groups I talked with and went to, but I really couldn't have done it without the classes and all the hoops Kaiser put me thorough before the surgery. They tell you it's going to be hard and that you will have to work at it. They tell you that surgery is just a tool and should be looked at it as only that. You have to do the rest!!!
Well October 20th will be my 2 year surgiversary and I still struggle with the eating and losing the weight. But I can now see that it's me that holds all the cards. It's my decisions that determine weather I do good or not. In fact I haven't seen my surgeon in almost 8 months and I'm supposed to see him every month, well now it should be every 3-6 months, but I'm embarrassed to go see him because I haven't kept up my end of the deal. I have broken my promise. But I still keep trying. If you have followed my BLOG for any length of time you will see that I fall off then get back going again. It sometimes takes me longer to get back on track again....but I DO get there!!!
As I was talking to my friend, I could feel my chest puff up a bit knowing that I have fought this battle and even though I haven't won it yet, I have the desire and fight to keep fighting it!! I no longer think that my surgery is a magical pill, or a quick fix. Like I have been told before, you had stomach surgery, not brain surgery. It finally dawned on me that...I have come a long way baby....I still have a long way to go....but I AM on MY WAY!!!!
