A cry for help!!

It's 2:39pm on a Thursday afternoon, and 85 days until my best friend Wendy's wedding. I had set a goal of 50 pounds lost in 5 months. Now with my Lap Band it should be no problem. In fact it should be a total walk in the park. But no. I am having problems. I could make excuses on why I'm not losing weight, like I have too much stress, no time, I've been sick, I've hurt my shoulder (I really did), but they are just that, excuses. I have lost a bit of my drive and motivation. Yes, it's harder to get to the gym because Jim and I only have the one car now, but I have an exercise bike here at home. But there again, it's an excuse.

Exercise is not the only problem either. My eating has gotten out of control. I have gone back to my pre-surgery habits again. The sneaking food, this is the worst one because I'm only hurting myself. Jim doesn't care if he has that apple pie, or chocolate bar. But yet I feel like I have to hide it from him that I have eaten it. And I have been eating stupid things!! Like I get a craving for cheese. All in all the cheese is not that bad for me...except when I eat half of a cup of it!!! I start out okay in the mornings and sometimes even into lunch. It's the time after lunch that kills me. I eat without thinking. I sometimes eat as early as a half an hour after I have eaten lunch.

I STILL don't have any feeling of being full or hungry. I am back to eating because I'm bored, stressed, unhappy, or breathing. This has got to stop!! And it has to stop now!!! Another disgusting aspect of this bad habit, is that I am lying to myself. Sort of an out of site, out of mind. Except when I get on the scale at the gym or try and put on my Gi for karate, that it comes back into site and into mind. After it has come back into mind, I feel guilty, disgusted, and totally down on myself and yep you guessed it, I start eating again. The sad thing is that it doesn't comfort me anymore and yet I still do it.

I have to get this weight off, not just for the wedding but for my own sake and health. I haven't seen my surgeon for 4 months because I'm ashamed of the 25 pounds I have put back ON!!! I was 20 pounds away from 100 pounds lost until I put the pounds back on.

I am not sure how to get my head back into the game. I know what I have to do, but I am having a hard time actually doing it. So I am breaking down and asking all of you for help. Those of you who really know me, know that this is the hardest thing for me to ever do, is ask for help. But I have no other option.

4th of July pies for Jim's work

Last night I decided that I needed to make some pies for the guys at Jim's work. Since the Governor has decided that all state workers need to take another furlough day, some of the guys have to work on Friday before the 4th. So the guys don't get a three day weekend. I personally thought that it sucks, so I figured I would ease the pain with pie!!

I wanted all of the guys to be able to have some pie so I sent them with Jim today rather than taking them in on Friday. Now out of the guys that are working today, I needed to be watchful not to include any dairy, not to make stuff too sweet, and have enough for about 10 guys to have a piece of each. How do you make a red, white, and blue pie with no white?!? Ah ha! Make berry pies and send a carton of CoolWhip!!

I was up till 10:30pm last night making the pies, but it was well worth the effort!! The two pies I made were a mixed berry pie that had strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries. The other pie was a single crust blueberry pie. Here they are cooling on the table below.

This is a close up of the mixed berry pie. Mmmmmm!

And of course the blueberry pie.

I packaged them all up so Jim wouldn't have a hard time taking them in this morning, sent in some paper plates, forks, and serving utensils.

I got a call from Jim about an hour and a half later. Jim had to inform me of the status of the pies. Now I thought that they would all wait until lunch and scarf them down then. Nope. Jim told me that as soon as he put them down, they were observed and the boss came and took a slice, then the whole crew followed suit!! There was only one slice of blueberry left and only one piece taken out of the mixed berry. Wow!!

Jim called me before his lunch and the pies were still safe but not everyone had gone to lunch yet. Who knows if there will be any pie left for the guys tomorrow, but at least they enjoyed it today!!!