Just recently I read a post by a friend of mine that said, "If you don't feel Christmas in your heart, you'll never find it under the tree".
This got me thinking. I feel Christmas in my heart but I also feel it in my pocket book, and my stomach. Granted the pocket book and stomach are coping methods but it's the feeling in my heart that triggers those feelings elsewhere.
This year we were not going to give any gifts to anyone due to financial reasons. But the closer Christmas got, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to have a little something for everyone. It started out with a battery charger for my hubby Jim. This was important for me because he supports me through everything and is ALWAYS there for me in the good times and the bad. Not to mention that he has given up working on his motorcycle because we needed money for other things. So this year, he had to come first!!!
Then I saw a generic Wii and thought that would be perfect for my mom and sister. The game would give them something else to do rather than arguing with each other. Then I thought about Spencer. A dear friend that is working and going to school at the same time. He works so hard. I found a neck massager to help ease his stress. It wasn't until I brought it home that Jim told me that he thought it is to fru fru for a guy. Ok so it's soft blue and fuzzy, but hey what do I know.
And of course I can't forget my best friend and her family. Wendy is losing her father due to illness this Christmas so they weren't going to do anything for the holidays. I had to be able to send her some love, along with her kids this year too.
It wasn't a lot this year but I couldn't not give something to my loved ones. I found that I ate more trying not to buy items for everyone, than I did when I bought the stuff. But then of course, my head tells me that what I got isn't enough, then I start eating to curb the inadequacy I am feeling. The stupid part is that the things I bought were from the heart, so there should be no sense of inadequacy. But that is a demon I still have to battle.
I did decorate a little bit around the house to make it feel like the holidays, but it was never really the same.
So this year, I guess I'm faking it until I feel it. Hopefully I won't feel it in my belly before my heart.
