Journey to the center of a fat woman: May 3, 2010

Monday, May 3, 2010

The weekend is over, a new week begins

This last weekend was one of new adventures for me. Going to Holly's party was the biggest part, but overall it was a weekend of letting go. I tried to not worry so much about everything that is happening in my life and live life. I can't say that I was absolutely successful, but I did pretty good.

Now a new week is about to begin and I am going to strive towards letting go a little bit. I want to take time for me. I do however have to take my mom and sister out shopping sometime this week and then to Brown Bag, but other than that, the week is mine. I have already started cleaning up the kitchen and throwing things away. I would love to be able to say that I kicked my hoarding habits on my own!!!! Besides, I am dying to have people come over. I no longer want to be the one that has to go out to places to see friends. I would love people to feel comfortable in my home. Shoot, I would love to feel comfortable in my home.

I am going back to the gym this morning to get back into the swing of things after hurting my back. These last few days of not going to the gym, have made me feel sluggish. Not to mention that I can see my tendencies to start eating everything in the house starting up again. Ugh, I was just conquering that hurdle. I guess my training for hurdles is still in progress. LOL.

I'm getting back to preparing a weekly menu and going to stick with it. Eating out is so expensive now and it's pointless for me to even try anymore. I am still having trouble eating reheated food, which I guess in a way is a good thing!! However, it sort of bums me out that the ribs I BBQ'd last night are a one time eat!!!! But that is ok, I KNOW Jim is going to enjoy them, again and again!!! Hee hee hee.

I'm not sure what I am going to conquer this week, but I am keeping a positive attitude towards it. It's time that I tell myself that I am worth it, and to start believing it. I think it's time after 37 years of beating myself up mentally. Time to keep my head high, heart hopeful, and life fulfilled!!!

It's my time and I'm going to seize it!!!

How this whole thing got started....

I have been heavy almost all my life. My primary doctor kept telling me that I would be a great candidate for bariatric surgery. I really didn't want to do it. The thought of someone rearranging my innards was not ok to me. So I put off the idea for a good 5 years. Well it wasn't until one Halloween night and an innocent little girl changed my mind.

It was Halloween 2007. I had decorated the front porch and my mom and I were going to hand out candy to all of the trick or treaters. I had a few animatronic things going and the kids were loving the fact that they could come up and get close to everything. Towards the end of the evening a very cute little girl came up to the porch. She put her candy sack down and started staring at everything moving. She was just totally enthralled by it all. Then she looks at me and asks me, "did you get that fat by eating candy?" I smiled and told her yes I did. She went back to watching everything again. Then out of the blue she tells me that I'm going to break the chair I'm sitting in. Again smiling, I tell her it's ok, it's a good strong chair. By this time I thought the little girl was never going to leave. She finally got her candy and left with her grandpa who kept appologizing to my husband for her. It was ok, she was a kid and I don't mind that kids speak what they see. It kind of stung a little bit but it's not like I didn't know I was fat!!! But it wasn't until I put the photos my hubby took of that night on my computer. I saw what the little girl saw. OMG (Oh my gosh)!!!! No wonder she thought I was going to break my chair. I was almost in tears. It was the next business day that I called my doctor and asked for a referral for surgery.