Woke up this morning feeling really good! I had gone to a yoga class for the first time ever last night and did really well and felt really good. I had hit the gym early that morning and spent the afternoon working in the backyard bent over cutting down bamboo by hand. I also drank almost a gallon of water as well (I was one 16.9oz bottle away from it!) I was pretty proud of myself. Walked into the kitchen for the daily weigh in (and no I don't do this as an obsession, I weigh every morning at the gym as well to set the treadmill it's just a habit and I don't "normally" go ballistic at the results) and wanted to cry! The four pounds I had lost the week before...were gone and I had gained an extra pound!! My heart sank. I know it's not muscle that made the weight gain. It was pure and simple fat!! Now I'm not saying that it's not my fault that I got here. I ate out with mom and my sister twice this week in a row, and did have a piece of See's candy! But I was sure I had worked off what I consumed! On top of that...my blood sugar was 131!! It's been so good. Dinner was an Asian turkey burger which I made from scratch, and I did eat a cup of soup. But then I went a couple of hours later and did an hour of yoga and really worked up a sweat. Sigh.
So rather than crying and eating everything in sight, I made myself a protein shake and added some strawberries and drank breakfast. My mind was still not settled with the weight gain. I know that I had not worked as hard as I could and should have. I let outside influences distract me. Don't get me wrong, I am by no way putting the blame on anyone but myself. I know darn well who is the cause of all of this. So after kicking myself mentally a bit, I made a very hard decision.
I had known that there is only one way for me to reach my 2 pound a week loss. I had to get rid of any distraction and focus on me! As you know, it's so much more fun to chat on Facebook, play with friends, eat out, and sit on your butt. Well I had to look at do I want to reach my goal and have a lifetime of fun or do I want to sit and have some temporary fun and waste my life away. Tough decision I know. Now a healthy minded person would look at that as a no brainer. But for me it was a bit rough. I am a very social creature and do enjoy my friends and to see what they are up to. But I don't want to be that person who can't get out of their chair. So I took a deep breath and took the plunge. I wrote a good bye to all of my friends and signed off. Now I know you are thinking....you have to have some type of communication with someone. Well I do. I have taken off all of the notices from Facebook off of my phone, but my closest friends do have my phone number and can call or text me. I am not alone. I am just not allowing myself to live through others lives. It's time I get one of my own! I felt the loss of them almost instantly as my phone didn't chime with it's ever so often ding da da ding. I found myself logging in on my phone and logging off before it ever connected. I sat there for a minute and decided...get off your butt and go move something. So I went out and did my workout. It felt good to do it. And the longing for my friends lessened a bit.
The rest of my day was a bit slow but was productive. I didn't eat everything in site, got some household chores done, and actually drank some more water! Ha ha ha!! I have made up my mind that I am going back to my protein shakes 2x a day and a healthy balanced dinner. I got away from it this last time knowing that I was going to eat out so by having cottage cheese instead I cut the calories down. But obviously my choices were not good ones. So I am going back to what I know and what worked in the past. Staying focused on me (which don't be surprised if I go a bit crazy now and then) for my greater good.
I have a long hard road ahead of me, and I know it. But I have to fight for it and through it no matter how it hurts right now. With that said......
logging off.....until tomorrow. Thank you for listening and still reading *slight smile*
