This last year has been full of unexpected events, acts, and thoughts. I have felt out of control, overwhelmed, and numb. Looking back...as you know hind sight is always 20/20....I see that I lost faith in myself a bit. I got tired and let thoughts and feelings of others taint my own thinking. I didn't think I had...well at least not as much as it had. I took a look at myself the other day...and I can't say I have ever liked what I saw...but I was ok with what I saw....not this time. I have gained almost all my weight back even presurgery weight. My clothes no longer fit, I have problems with my feet that I am dreading seeing the doctor about because I have a feeling he will tell me to stay off my feet (something I don't have the luxury of). I have lost self confidence, not that I had a lot to begin with. Anyway we all know the feelings.
While searching for inspiration and motivation I found a few images that I was going to put here in a draft to write on later and came across a draft that I had never written on. It is the below paragraphs. It struck me....I have been searching for so long...even when I originally found the writing...and in searching again have found it again. I have never acted upon it. I had let the words go in one ear and out the other never stopping to reflect or act upon how they made me feel. It was easier I imagine then to put it aside and I will get back to it. Well when will I make the time to stop putting me aside to deal with later. I would have never thought I would be so heavy again, or getting myself so overwhelmed that I totally just didnt care about myself. I have quit things I enjoy doing which has taken more from me than I had ever imagined. Somehow I must make the time and steps to get back to me no matter how small those steps or how long the time it takes.
I want to be open to the things around me and to understand and get back to who I am. Not let others thoughts and feelings they carry affect me. It is my life and it is time that I hold onto it and ride my ride of life.
Please enjoy the passage below and look at it and reflect upon it. I hope it moves you and makes your heart beat with a hunger to be all that you can be. To be true to you.
"You've got work to do, so strip yourself. There’s something that you’re supposed to do that is your mission in life. To complete it, you must avoid the mind pollution coming from others who don’t have goals or dreams, and who don’t have a reason for being here. As you begin to look at yourself, and go after your goals and your dreams… begin to strip yourself.
Strip yourself of the behaviors, thoughts, habits, and attitudes that you know will block you from achieving the things that you want. Strip yourself of all the things that are none of your spiritual business. Stop buying into other people’s stories and excuses, instead of taking care of your own business. Strip yourself of the excuses, and all of the reasons that you've given yourself for not achieving your goals. Be about the business of making things happen. Let go of the things that don’t serve you, and launch forward to your dream. You deserve!"
— Les Brown
