Getting through the day



The day started out like any other day. I wake up and hubby and kids are hungry, me not so much. We go through the same question routine..."What do you want for breakfast" which usually ends in I don't know what do we have or what sounds good. Thankfully hubby knew what he wanted to eat. He requested toasted English muffins, one set with peanut butter and jelly, and the other set melted cheese. Ok easy enough.

 

I go out to the kitchen start toasting the English muffins. I grab the margarine, cheese, and jelly from the refrigerator. The first set of English muffins are done and toasted. I put them on his place and go to spread some margarine on them. I grab a small handful of cheese and top the English muffins so I can put them in the toaster oven. As I lifted them from the plate some of the cheese fell off, just a few shreds here and there. But without thinking I grabbed them up and started to put them in my mouth. I stopped myself before I went through with it and put it back on the English muffins. The second set of English muffins were done and I spread the margarine on them and started to spread on the peanut butter. Again, after I had spread the peanut butter on the English muffin, I started to lick the peanut butter and margarine off of the knife! I again stopped myself, but just how many hidden calories have found their way to my body because I just cleaned up the plate or the knife. I took hubby his breakfast and was a bit glad that the food was gone.

 

I went back into the kitchen to make my breakfast. Two scoops of my protein powder, 8 ounces of water and a spin in my Magic Bullet. Instant breakfast. It's no peanut butter and jelly but it's not bad. I am used to them as I usually have one before I go to the gym in the morning, but it's different knowing that this is all or almost all I can have.

 

 



Lunch time came around and I was feeling pretty good about everything. I fixed the hubby some smoked sausage and some potato salad I had made the night before. I plated everything up for him and damned if I wasn't going to lick the spoon with the potato salad! I DON'T LIKE POTATO SALAD!!!! I stopped myself again from eating it.

 

As the day progressed I started to get a headache from right between my eyes to the base of my head. The headache wasn't too bad to start just an annoyance, but as the time went by it started to pound harder. I know the feelings of blood sugar dropping and I could feel mine getting lower. I took my blood sugar and it read out at 96, which is a normal reading for not being diabetic. I'm not diabetic in the sense that I have to take medicine or insulin I control mine by diet and exercise. My normal sugars run about 118-125 depending on what I eat. This reading of 96 was after I had drank my protein shake and time had passed so it should have been in my system. I know that this was going to happen going down to such a calorie deficiency, but it still has me off my game a bit.

 

I think dinner was the hardest for me tonight. The other meals were not foods that I really cared about or really enjoyed tremendously. Dinner however, was hard to cook and smell the pork chop, the stuffing cooking, the color of the broccoli and how it would have tasted. I didn't want another protein shake, not now so I ended up eating some yogurt and some cream of tomato soup.

 

Hubby's dinner, pork steak, broccoli, and stuffing

Dinner is done and I have logged all of my food to check on my calorie intake. All of the food I've eaten today only comes to 787 calories. The calories are good for today, a day that I'm not at the gym, but I am a bit concerned when I got to the gym in the morning. I will work off a good 400 calories with just my cardio which means that I have to replenish those calories to keep my metabolism up and my body not eating itself.

The day has not been too bad for the most part, just a bit of a challenge getting my thinking back to where it needs to be. I can raise my head high to the fact that I have lost a pound since the fill and that I overcame the urges to eat the things I shouldn't have. The fight and the drive is within me I just need to keep reaching for it until it comes without thinking.

The rules I must follow

I thought it would be a good thing to write down the rules that I must follow now that I have my band tighter. I am going back to what it was right after I had my surgery. There are some really strict rules that didn't really affect me after my surgery in 2008 but will affect me now that my band is tight. Now these are not verbatim from my binder from Kaiser Permanente where I had my surgery, but this site breaks it down a bit better than my binder. To give you an idea I went through about 9 months of classes to prepare for my surgery, so that I knew everything that had to be done to make it a successful tool. So most of the information I know is not in the binder but all of the classes that I attended.

I found this site that breaks down your diet and eating habits after surgery. My additions are done in red.

Post-lap band surgery, your gastric capacity has been restricted between 3 and 8 ounces .Hence, the first few days, you need to respect the recommended amounts and the allowed foods, in order for your body to adapt and to reduce nausea, pain, and vomiting.

The volume of food ingested should not exceed a small dessert cup or an 8 ounce plate. Remember that you must eat slowly and chew very well each morsel of food. *Now what they mean by this is very very specific!!! The size bite you will now and forever eat is the size of a nickel!!! That bite you MUST chew for 30 chews BEFORE ever swallowing! Try it sometime it's darn near impossible! But must be done!

You can drink between 1 and 1.5 liters of water daily outside the daily meals. Remember to do it slowly, in little sips and preferably with a little spoon. *You can not drink through a straw either as this adds air to your small pouch and will make it feel full and be very uncomfortable.

Remember that the liquids you drink must be low in or free from calories . You can use a sugar substitute such as SPLENDA, no-Sucar, Equal, Nutra sweet, etc.

Avoid food that could cause obstruction in the passage of food from your stomach to the small intestines such as: raw food with rind (apples, pear, mangoes, etc); seeded food (blackberries, guava, kiwi, popcorn, seeds like peanuts, almonds, cashews, etc.); fibrous food (Mandarin, orange, pineapple, etc). *Now these may seem like they would never block or cause an obstruction but you must remember that the size of the opening from your small pouch of a stomach to your larger stomach is the size of a dime! So look at a dime and think that everything you eat must pass through that.

You should not drink any liquids, not even water during meals. Do it 15 to 30 minutes before or after meals.

Do not drink carbonated drinks or alcoholic beverages for six months after the procedure.

Do not stretch, recline on the sofa, or lie down in bed after eating.

Do not eat dried nuts or ceded fruits until indicated by your nutritionist (blackberries, peanuts, cashews, almonds, guava, strawberries, etc).

Ideally, medicines should be mashed and diluted in water to permit better swallowing and absorption. You can even consider taking the liquid versions. If that is not possible, take the capsules in the way mentioned above.

Avoid sugar-sweetened foods and drinks (marmalades, coconut water, etc).

Stop eating when you feel satisfied, don't wait till you feel completely full.

If you have vomiting or constant diarrhea for more than 3-5 days, call your doctor.

Your nutritionist will recommend the nutritional supplements and food in order to maintain the adequate proteins and calories for your daily needs. *For mine I have to take 1500mg calcium, and a multivitamin. A lot of people need to add iron as well.

When you eat food, remember to chew properly and with the mouth closed, and try to take your meals in a calm and relaxed pace. *Hardest thing in the world to do!!!! It takes a long time for you to eat. I have sat at the table long after everyone else has finished their meal. You must not rush for anything!! It causes PB (productive burps ie up chucking), or worse yet, food sticking and causing terrible pain and pressure! Trust me not fun on either point!

Do not forget to take your daily vitamins. *Very important since you will be eating far less food and getting far less nutrients!

Here is information from my binder of what and how much I am to eat and for how long:
First off the guidelines...
Your meals must be spaced 4-5 hours apart
Each meal should take you 30-45 minutes to eat.
Calories to eat - 700-900 calories per day
Protein - 60-80 grams a day
Carbs - 100 grams from fruit and veggies
Fat - 30 grams a day
Fluids - 64 ounces a day minimum!!!

Stage I
Liquid for 24 hours!!
Jell-O, broth, tea, diluted juice, Popsicle

Stage II
Duration 2 weeks!
Soft blended foods. For example: Protein drinks, cottage cheese, pudding, Popsicle, diluted fruit juice, yogurt, strained cream soup, broth.

Stage III
Duration here on out for the rest of your life
Solid foods.

I didn't really follow to the tea stage I as I had some pudding and some clam chowder but I didn't eat much of the potatoes etc of the soup just the broth. Stage II is going to be the test for me. This will let me know if the band is too tight. If I have trouble eating these for the whole two weeks I will need to go and have some taken out. Which I'm hoping I won't have to...but it may have to be. I need and want this to work this time. The killer for me will be the 700-900 calories! I don't have a full or hungry feeling ever I just don't have the triggers that tell my body I'm hungry or full. But I can tell you that going down to that low of calories you feel it!!!! I will be exercising on top of this as well so I will have the added duty to eat to maintain those calories or my body will start to feed on itself and my metabolism will go into the toilet and it's already too slow now! My head has to be in the game on this and I can't let anything distract me from it!!!

New fill whole new beginning!

First I am sorry for dropping off of the face of the Earth for the last month. January was a very hard beginning of the year for me but I don't want to go into all of the trials and tribulations of family, finance, emotions, and stressors of the month because I am really trying to move past that and to be more focused on me. I wanted a better me, a better life, a new start this  year. With January being so up and down I didn't want to wait any longer to finally get my head on straight.

It was hard to look at everything that needed to be done and to not get overwhelmed! I am the type to take on everything all at once and drive myself insane trying to accomplish it all. Then when I am unable to get everything done or it is not up to my standards I beat myself up, cry, isolate myself, and always eat! Even if I can't eat because of the unnecessary stress I have just put on myself I will still eat and then upchuck it then try and eat some more. I usually end up with some form or candy bar or sugar something as it dissolves and will slide down to my stomach and let's face it....it's chocolate what wouldn't make you feel better right??? Well sadly it did for a second until it was gone and then I was back at beating myself up for eating the chocolate or junk. Vicious cycle!!!

I was encouraged by a very dear friend to just take on a few things at a time and do them and do them well. Not to take on every one's problems as my own and not to let things get to me. Keep a positive attitude and keep moving forward. Now for those that know me will think well shoot she always has a positive attitude. I used have a positive attitude for everyone but me. Life seemed so daunting and just overwhelming with everything that I could be encouraging for everyone around me but when it came to me I was on the verge of doom and gloom. It was hard for me to be happy, truly happy.

So my friend helped me to think of the big issues at hand and start from there. Finances, and my health were top of the list! I can not be strong of mind and body if I am not healthy. I can't beat myself up if I am eating healthier choices. I can't be happy if I don't feel healthy and for me to be thinner. Weight has always been that monkey on my back...if only that monkey would jump off I could probably lose a good 20 pounds although that monkey feels like it weighs 120 pounds...lol. Then the finances...well who doesn't have issues with finances even if you are stinking rich. I needed to live within my means and stop buying things to make me momentarily happy but added to the stress of financial hardship and trying to find a place to store all of it. I sat down and drew up a budget the best I could knowing that it's going to be a work in progress until things are back to basics and normal again. Absolutely no spending on anything that is not needed and yes that means candy bars too!!! Secondly it was time for my health. I contacted my doctors for various things that needed to be addressed and caught up on appointments that I had been putting off. One of those appointments I had been putting off was getting another fill in my band. I had gotten my band checked a year ago this month and all of my 10cc's were still in there but I didn't feel any restriction..I could still eat far too much! I could eat things that I wasn't supposed to be able to eat like bread and cookies and rice among other things. I had no problem eating anything unless I was stressed or super emotional and then I couldn't keep anything down. My Esophagus felt like it closed up and anything I ate came back up. Except the sweets which sometimes even they did too.

I made the appointment for a fill as I had gone from 305 pounds in late August to 362 in January. Ugh now if that isn't depressing!!! I currently weighed in at 352 yesterday when I went in for my fill. I had asked my doctor if he would give me a 2cc fill rather than just 1 as I had been at 10cc's for over 4 years and have never felt any restriction and would really like to feel some so that this tool I have had placed in my body is finally put to work for me. He agreed with the stipulation that if it feels too tight or that if I have problems that I not wait another year to get it fixed. I agreed with a smile.

With every fill there is the standard consume only fluids for 24 hours. Me being sort of a hard head I pushed the limit a bit, sort of. I had some clam chowder for lunch, only tried a very little bit of the potato and solids, tried two small squares of Jell-O and a couple of spoonfuls of pudding. Most of it stayed down but some came up when I felt like I had eaten too much which I probably did. It wasn't violent like some of my PB (productive burps the bariatric community like to call it) but more like I had just overfilled a pitcher and it was spilling out. I ended up consuming about a half of a cup of food. Last night I had some chinese egg flower soup mostly broth and was able to consume a good healthy cup, cup and a half of it! The kicker was this morning! Breakfast! Always the hardest meal for me as everything has tightened up and is hard to eat and keep down even if I am not stressed.

I made two scrambled eggs for me as I don't like runny yolks. I made breakfast at around 8am....at around 11:45 I lost some of those eggs in a PB. I had only been able to get one egg eaten before I upchucked. I then tried some applesauce, it went down easier but still took forever! I was able to finish eating my other egg after I had put it in my Magic Bullet and made it mush and added a bit of mayonnaise so it would slide down. Everything finally felt like it had moved to my stomach by about 1:30pm!!! Wholly cow!!! Breakfast from 8am-1:30pm to eat 2 eggs and 1/2 a cup of applesauce! Now that will keep me from grazing for sure!!!

I can only imagine this is how my band was SUPPOSED to feel when I first had my surgery back in 2008! I had never felt restriction and any weight I lost was all on my own determination and will, which does say something about me. I had the surgery for it to be used as a tool even though it never has been. So I have dug out my binder from my original surgery to follow the plan there to see if I can keep my fill this tight or not. The first few weeks are liquids and soft foods, so plenty of protein shakes for me! I am hoping to see the weight start dropping off like it should have from the beginning. Meals for me can not be any bigger than about 1/2-3/4 cup of solid food before my pouch feels too full. My only worry is that I am able to maintain enough food to support my heavy workouts with my strength training. That too will have to be adjusted....the food not the training! I am very excited to get back to my really hard heavy training and feeling good with and about myself and soon to see that thinner, healthier, happier, more energetic me!!!!

Fingers crossed this goes as planned but rather than getting down if it needs adjusting I need to keep my spirits high and positive and just adjust it and keep pushing forward! Good thing about all of this is our food bill will shrink to nothing!!! Which helps my financial issues even more. A win win situation if you ask me. If you follow my other food BLOG you will see that food changes will be happening but all the good stuff I cook for the hubby will still be there!!

I have tomorrow to work on timing it will take for my protein shakes to move through my body before I hit the gym again on Monday. I really am excited! There is going to be a lot of changes and bad habits that I will have to make with this...but this is what I wanted from the beginning! Carpe Diem!!!! I'm going to seize the day!!!