The alarm rings on my phone. Groggily I roll over and turn it off. I lay there staring at the clock snug under the covers, Bo curled up behind my legs. My mind races to find a reason not to go to the gym. Yesterday was so disappointing. I close my eyes and lay there.
Every excuse my mind came up with today, it also had a reason why I needed to go. I laid in bed for about half an hour until I drug my buns out of bed. I had made sure to make my protein shakes last night so my meal is ready to grab and guzzle down. It may not seem like much, but when you are searching for a way to get out of something, having to fix something to eat can seem like a HUGE obstacle. I got dressed and had to force myself to go but I went.
I decided that I am going to keep a lower speed with my walk but I'm not going to seriously baby my heel. I stretched before I started. I was about 15 minutes in when 3 other women came in. Normally I don't have an issue with this but that's because I'm working hard. But when they came in, and yes they are all thin, and started on the machines every insecurity that I have ever had flooded over me. I actually wanted to stop. Not a single person was looking at me, but it didn't matter. What is with me??? Well I know that since I was walking like a snail I made myself feel fat and useless. I fought my thoughts and continued. I know that I need to push this out of my mind or I will really hurt my heel. I will think of nothing other than competing to make myself feel better that I will end up amping the speed and will pay for it later. So I turned up my music a bit louder and refocused myself. I got through a total of 30 minutes as I still had strength training to go. I left the upper level with my head down.
Once downstairs with the weights I just started my routine. I started my leg presses. I can feel my spirit start to rise again. I lowered the weight as to not put too much pressure on my heel but was still able to do 3 sets of 15 at 220 pounds!! That made me feel really good. I didn't get the burn that I usually strive for but I don't want to push too fast. I'm already doing much more than I should. I put on my weight gloves and headed over to where I do standing crunches. The grips that I normally use, another guy was using them. So I grabbed another set but they didn't fit the hook. I look up and the guy that was using the grips asks me if I need them. I nodded yes, as my headphones were still in. He walks them over to me and looks at me smiles and starts to talk to me. I take out my earbuds, and he smiles and says it's good to see you back again. My heart soared!!!! I smiled and thanked him and replied it's good to be back. Now I am the only woman at this hour that works out with these guys, there are about 6 total. I started my crunches with 80 pounds and had no problem with my first set. I let the weights go and they made a loud thunk. A new guy standing next to me jumped and looked at me like what an amazon!!! I loved it!!!! I am in my element!!!! I finished out my routine with the same weights I had stopped with about a month ago. That made me really happy. But what made me the happiest is that I was able to get my heart rate up with my weights and get a good sweat going and feel like I did something!! Still not happy with the cardio but all in all a good workout.
As for why my insecurities came back, I will have to work on that. I have grown so much from those days that I don't want that poison to seep back into me. It has no place in me anymore!!! My heel was killing me but I made sure to stretch it out again after the workout. The anti-inflammatory meds are my new best friend for awhile. I will take it easy over the weekend a bit but back at it on Monday. I could feel my heel start to hurt but as usual worked through it and dealt with it afterwards. As long as I maintain it and take care of it, I'm going to push forward and a bit harder every day. I will make this happen. I am strong enough and determined enough.
