Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!!

Well things have been going ok for me the last couple of days.  I have made a new friend, gone on a hike, went back to my weight loss support group, went out with a friend dressed up, and now, I've actually been happy with myself!!!

Wow, what a week!!!  Let's see, the friend I had come over in my last post was Arlind.  I met him while I was out at my mom's house.  Then I met Williams online, actually he found me, when I was out at mom's house and we talk and/or chat daily.  It is so nice to have friends again.  Although both of these guys are just chatting friends, Arlind is trying to find work, and Williams is in England now but lives in LA, they make me feel really good about myself.  There is something about someone else noticing you.  Now my wonderful hubby tells me I'm beautiful and wonderful all the time, but I'm sorry to say, he has been sort of put into the catagory of family.  You know they have to love you and say nice things about you.  Which I don't know how he got put there, but hopefully that will change very soon.  Anyway, on with my story....

Ok, it started last Saturday actually.  After Arlind had left, I was playing online at Facebook.  While I was online, I happened to notice that a friend of mine, Paula, was online too.  I started an online chat with her to see how she was doing.  It turns out that she had gained some weight and needed some intervention.  I was only teasing with her when I told her to get off her butt and we need to go for a hike.  Well, she called my bluff!!!  Oh no, now what do I do?!?!  Think, Tristine, ok when do we want to go?  I perked up with how about tomorrow which was Sunday.  Paula thought that was great!!!  Darn it!!!  She called my bluff again!!!!  Well I was actually happy.  I have hidden myself in the house for far too long.  I ran around the house like a crazy woman...I know not a stretch for me...because I was so happy that I was going out.  Even though, I wasn't sure how well I would be able to hike.  At this point, I haven't been to the gym in MONTHS!!!

Sunday rolls around.  I get up do some laundry, fix breakfast for Jim, and clean house for a little bit.  Can you tell I was procrastinating?  LOL.  Finally around 11am I decided to call Paula.  She hadn't called me, and secretly I really did want to go on that hike.  So I called her to see if she was up for the hike too.  She said she was and the funny thing about it was she was hoping that I wouldn't call too!!!  Even though she wanted to go for the hike, neither one of us really wanted to get off our buns and go!  LOL.  So we decided to meet at noon.  I looked at my watch and noticed that it was only 25 minutes away.  So I jumped into the van and off I went to her house.

When I got there she looked so surprised to see me.  Well turns out she hadn't set her clocks ahead, so to her I was an hour early!!!  LOL.  She got ready and we headed for the American River trail.  We had a blast!!!  We started off on a trail.  Oh by the way, it was Paula, her son Corwin, and myself on this trip.  Anyway, we really wern't paying any attention to where we were going, we were just enjoying the fact that we both were out in the sunshine and walking!!  It was good to catch up with Paula.  I hadn't talked to her in ages.  So as we just wandered around we sort of let Corwin pick which way to go, not paying any attention, and we ended up in the thick of things.  LOL.  We were really trail blazing!!!  We came to heavy brush, and rockbeds, you name it, we walked it. The whole time enjoying ourselves.  We ended up walking for about an hour and a half.  Good times.  When we got back, Paula asked if I would like to do this every Sunday, and if I thought that anyone from our support group would like to go too.  I told her that I was up for it no matter what.  It must have been that fresh air that made me lose my mind!  LOL.

When I got home, I felt so alive!!!  This was the Tristine I've been missing!!!  I couldn't contain myself.  I felt like I could go for hours. I didn't even feel drained at all.  I was so surprised!!!  Jim and I ate lunch, and THEN I died and fell alseep!  LOL.

The next day was sort of a hard day for me.  I was so excited about the day before, and then Arlind was supposed to come over to visit with me Monday.  I was running around cleaning the house, and just enjoying life over all.  Until....yep the shoe dropped and I think fell on my head!!!  It was around noon or so and I still hadn't heard from Arlind.  Now I know he's kind of flaky but he is trying to find work and well, he's a guy.  The other thing that was getting to me was I hadn't heard from Williams all weekend.  I started to feel alone.  My head started to go into that dark place of nothingness again, and the depression really kicked in.  I had been off of my depression medicine for about a week because I just didn't find the time to go pick up my perscription.  Well I should have made time.  The later it got and I didn't hear from anyone, the deeper in darkness I fell.  I was back to crying uncontrollably again.  Later that night we were supposed to meet up with Spencer at DeVeer's for his head shaving and at the time I didn't even want to do that!!!  Which if you know me and know how I feel about Spencer, you would know that this was really deep depression.

Jim came home early and just held me for awhile.  I feel so sorry for Jim when I'm like this.  There is no consoling me.  I want closeness but I want everyone to leave me alone.  It's a wonder he's stayed with me so long.  I am truely greatfull and thankfull for him!!!  Anyway, it was getting late and I had told Spencer that we would absolutly be there!!!  So I started dinner.  I didn't want to eat anything, which in it's self is a wonder.  Usually when I am depressed, I eat for about 20 men!!!  I made some pork steak and broccoli for Jim and I.  Then Spencer called and wanted to know if we would meet him at PF Chang's downtown.  We agreed.  now it's time to get ready.  I had bought a new blouse that I was so excited about.  It was a girly blouse, not a dull old t-shirt!!!!  I felt so good about buying it!!!  So I thought, ok, I need to feel good I'll wear that.  I got all dressed up with my new blouse, black jeans (the skinny ones), and my combat boots.  I even spent time and put on make up and curled my hair.  Now you can see how much Spencer means to me.  He's like a brother to me and I want to feel my best when I am with him, because we always have such a good time together.

By the time I got all dressed up and looked at myself in the mirror, I was feeling much better.  I actually felt pretty and not like a huge blob of whatever.  Of course, Jim told me how beatuiful I looked and I said yeah, yeah, yeah.  LOL.  So off we went.  I took my camera because I wanted to have pictures of Spencer getting his head shaved.  He was raising money for cancer.  His grandmother is battling cancer right now.  So we get at the resturaunt and we are a little bit early.  So I asked Jim if he would take my picture, remember I was feeling pretty.  He took a couple of shots of me and then went to show me the pictures.  I asked him not to because I was feeling good about myself and I didn't want to ruin it!  At least I know my limitations right?!?!  So we finally met up with Spencer and as always, he told me I looked beautiful which makes my heart soar!!!  We met up with his mom and her husband, and one of Spencer's friends Vera.  We all sat around and chatted, shared some appetizers, and had a great time.  When it was time for Spencer to go to check in for his shaving, I had the waiter take our photo.  The first photo he took looked ok but had a glare to it from the window.  The next photo...well....I wasn't happy with it, but it wasn't for me, it was for Spencer.

This is the dreaded photo.  But like I said, it was for Spencer and I would have done it all again no matter how uncomfortable I was.  Anyway I didn't see any of the photos until we got home, so at this point, I am still having a FANTASTIC time!!!  Jim, Spencer, and I all walked over to DeVeer's for Spencer to check in.  I snapped a few photos of him there and then we went inside to have a beer.  Man were they ever crowded!!!  But it didn't seem to bother me much.  We bought Spencer a beer since he bought our appetizer but more because we wanted to.  We stood around waiting for his mom and everyone to arrive.  When they got there we headed out to the front of the bar to watch Spencer lose his hair.  It was a blast and a half!!!  After it was all done, Spencer said goodbye to his mom and friend then came back in the bar to spend time with us.  Low and behold, in walks the Mayor of Sacramento...Kevin Johnson!!!  We had to get a photo of Spencer with him!!!  We weren't sure we would be able to but we were determined to try.  Wahoo!!!  We did it!!  Now I can say that I know someone who has met the Mayor!!!!  Yes, I am going to live vicariously through Spencer at this point.  LOL!!!!

We all started to walk back to our cars.  What a night!!!  I had totally forgotten about how bad I felt and was on cloud nine!!!

Jim and I arrive back home.  I couldn't wait to get the photos up on Facebook for Spencer!!!  In fact I even took a photo of me while at the computer to show how happy I was!!!

This was how I really felt!!  Then the shoe dropped again.  It's a good thing I only have two shoes or I would have been really bad off.  lol.  I saw the photos.  I couldn't believe my eyes!!!  I didn't look like that did I?  I felt prettier than that.  I felt skinnier than that!!!  I felt happier than that!!!  What  happened?  Why is it that I can take a photo of myself at the computer (the above photo) and feel that that is what I look like, but when someone else takes my photo, I feel like I look horendous!!!! 

Well the darkness came back.  Even through all of the joy I had felt before, the darkness won over.  I ended up crying myself to sleep.

The next day I had to take Kelly to her doctor's appointment.  I still was not feeling myself.  I had told mom and Kelly that I wanted to make this a short trip, I wanted to get home.  For a change it actually happened!!!  When I got home, there was an e-mail waiting for me from Williams.  He said that he was sorry for not being able to get in touch with me.  He had a really bad weekend, a friend was in a car accident, and Williams had some trouble getting things in order for his England trip.  Ok so now I feel like a heal but I am super excited that I heard from him.  Not to mention, when I got home and was online, he was online too.  So we got to chat online for two hours!!!  Yes, I said two hours!!!  He gave me his phone number so we can talk to each other while he's there.  That was a new experience to me.  I had never called international before.  In fact Williams had to walk me through how to even dial the number!!  LOL.  The phone number had a + in it that you had to dial.  Anyway, I talked with him on the phone for a minute, then it was time to go pick up Jim at work.

Wednesday morning, I was still feeling really good.  So I decided that I was going back to the gym!!!  I got up at 3:30am and got ready and actually WENT to the gym!!!  Oh it felt so good to be back!!!  I started out slow and only did about 12 minutes on the treadmill.  I had the speed up so it wasn't like I was just strolling, I was really walking!!!  Then I  put in about 20 minutes of strength training.  Oh that is what I miss the most.  I wasn't able to start at the weight that I left off on but I'm still up there with the pounds that I'm lifting!!!  Once again, I felt like I could rule the world!!!

Then it was time for me to go out to mom's house again for her physical therapy.  I again wanted to get home early because I wanted to talk with Williams.  Since he is in England, when it's 12:30 here it's 7pm there!!!  So we don't get to chat much unless it's before I go to the gym or sometime during lunch.  I took mom and Kelly out shopping and to Long John Silvers for lunch.  Which I am finding that eating out is totally pointless for me now!!  I got two pieces of fish and took all the breading off of one piece and ate it.  Then I was done!!!  I couldn't even think about eating anything else.  I was afraid as it was that the piece I ate was going to come back up!!  Anyway, I got them home and I was able to be home in time to chat online.

Thursday, I did absolutely nothing and it felt wonderful.  I didn't do dishes, laundry, nothing!!!  I just lounged around the house with Shadow.  I didn't even go to the gym!!!! But I was still feeling good about myself and at this point, that's all that matters.  I did however make a corned beef for Jim in the oven.  I wanted to be able to eat before we went to the support group meeting that night.  He ate wonderful smelling corned beef and I ate cottage cheese!!!  LOL.  But I didn't want to take a chance that it would get stuck or worse, I know what could be worse....it comes back up and I can't eat until my throat calms down.  So I didn't eat any and didn't have to worry.

Before the meeting, we stopped by to see Liz my sister-in-law.  We visited for awhile and had a nice time.  I am really digging this hanging out with people again!!!  I must say it is quite nice!!!  We stayed for about an hour then we were off to the meeting.  All of my favorite people were there!!  It was so good to connect with them again.  I really missed them all.  Paula brought up going out for our hike and I think we actually got a few takers to go with us!!!  When we left the meeting, I was amped once again.  Made it kind of hard to go to sleep but once I put on my CPAP.....it was all over...Zzzzzzzz

Which brings me to yesterday.  Are you tired of reading yet?!?!  Sorry, no really I am but if you had as much happiness flowing through you as I do right now.....wow I could put the energizer bunny out of business!!!!  LOL.  I once again got up and went to the gym.  Only this time, I was too excited and got there too early!!!  So I had to rock out in the parking lot until they opened.  It was only half an hour so it wasn't that bad.  I hopped on the treadmill again and went for my normal thirty minutes.  I did it with no problem  My heart rate was at a constant 150 bpm and I wasn't breathing too heavy!!!  Yeah!!!!  Then I went downstairs and  put in some more strength training!!!

When I got home, I was tired but to excited too!!!!  I ended up taking a little nap then Jim and I had to go run some errands.  We stopped for lunch and I got the shock of a lifetime!!!  I had ordered a salad and Jim and I were talking waiting for our order, when it hit me.  I was sort of bummed that I had only lost a pound this week, when I thought hey, I am only 5 pounds away from my lowest weight since surgery!!!  Then I got thinking some more and figured out that I am only 17 pounds away from having lost 100 pounds!!!!  OMG!!!!  I couldn't have been happier!!!!  I was flying in the clouds AGAIN!!!!!  When we got home, I had to e-mail everyone I know and post on Myspace and Facebook what just happened.  I was still feeling so good that I told Jim that I would mow the lawn so he wouldn't have to put stress on his knee.  I went flying through that lawn like there was no tomorrow.  It was tall too!!!  Anyway, my day ended just as high as could be.

Now I am waiting for my clothes to dry so I can go off to the gym again!!!  Oh what a wonderful feeling!!!  I think this time, I've got it!!!  I think that this time my head is under control.  By the way, I STILL have NOT eaten any rice, pasta, bread, or sugar!!!!  I think that I'm going to just keep it up even past Easter.  I have sort of lost most of the cravings and I don't want them back!!!  I want to be under 300 pounds by October.  I think I can do it, and if life keeps going the way it is, I KNOW I can do it!!!!

Another great day

Well so far this week has been pretty good.  I was able to paint the bathroom by myself, we haven't eaten out, although part of that is because we are broke, today I had a friend over to the house, and yes I let him IN the house, and finally I have just made plans to go hiking with another friend on the river tomorrow.

Everything seems to be falling into place, and it feels FANTASTIC!!!!  Each day I can feel myself feeling better and better about who and what I am.  I am no longer that lost, hidden, and fat woman, I am becoming that fun loving, get out there, confident woman that was hidden inside that fat me.  I can't even begin to tell you the joy I am feeling right now.  I am beyond cloud nine!!!  I am in.....wait for it....ZANADU!!!!!!

In fact, tonight I am making BLT's and I decided that I was going to have cottage cheese rather than the bacon.  Oh that bacon smelled soooo good though.  But I am not unhappy with the choice I made.  Did I really say that?  Did I just put my feelings before FOOD!?!?!?!?!  Who am I and where is my pod?!?!  LOL

The feelings I have right now, are feelings that I can do anything!!!  Life is mine for the taking.  In fact my very best friend is going to have a couple of babies in October, and I am GOING to make time to go and spend some time with her!!!  I am no longer going to stay cooped up in this house.  I refuse to let my house become my prison.  I am going to defeat my hoarding and have the lifestyle that I want and deserve!!!

Watch out world...I'm coming back!!!!

The painting is done....

Today I finally finished painting the bathroom!  What an acomplishment!!! The best part was that I did it all myself.  I made up my mind that I was going to do it, and I did.  I had a few snags along the way with some eating out of frustration but by the second day that had subsided.

Now that I finished the bathroom, my eyes have been opened to just how insane my reality is.  I want to have people over for Easter for a BBQ, but it took me almost a week to just paint the bathroom.  I would still like to have my friends over, but I'm not sure I can realisticly get the house cleaned to my satisfaction in time.  I am feeling so good about what I've done, I would hate to completely beat myself up by not being able to get the house clean.

This doesn't mean that I am going to abandon my dream of having people over, I just have to face what I can do within the time alloted.  No more sabatoging myself by unrealistic goals.  Little steps.  I will get there, but I want to get there happy not neurotic!!!

So for today...it's a great day!!!  I am feeling on top of the world, and want to hold on to that feeling.  It's funny, it's been the little things lately that have gotten me feeling like my old self.  So I guess the saying, don't sweat the small stuff, really has meaning to it.  I'm not going to sweat the small stuff, I worth more than that.  It feels good to say that and to actually feel that.  Who knows....maybe I will be ok after all!!!

Still painting.....and eating?!?!?!

Okay so the painting of the bathroom is choosing to be more difficult than expected!!!  Who knew that 20 plus years of tobacco and a gas heater would destroy a paint job.  Our bathroom was so bad that when you took a shower or really hot bath the walls would drip this gross yellowish brown stuff.  Yuck!!!  I would wipe it down, but it would always come back.  Sort of reminds me of a bad horror movie.  lol.

So yesterday, I spent the better part of the day priming the walls.  By the end of the day I had almost 3 coats of primer on the walls and some of the walls needed some more.  Now I'm using KILZ primer and it's taking this many coats.  Whew.  While I was killing myself painting, I would get tired and frustrated and found myself heading toward the fridge.  I wouldn't eat the really bad stuff like the chips, candy, and that kind of stuff I would eat other bad stuff like peanuts, and multiple cups of sugar free chocolate pudding.  Oh and for good measure, I would throw in some cheese too.

I am still having a hard time with some solid foods since I sort of quit eating while out at moms house.  So simple things like lunchmeat and cheese sort of give me fits to keep down.  The only good part of the whole day was that I actually drank the right amount of water.  Woo hoo!!!  I downed 4 bottle of water.  Yeah.

So today, I had to take my mom and sister out shopping.  What should have been a short day turned into half a day of shopping.  So there was no painting for me this afternoon.  Then once I got home, I got chatting with a new friend, and still no painting done.  My weekend is going to be fun filled days of painting and putting the bathroom back together again.  No fun for the wicked, and I must be really bad this week.  lol.

I have still not eaten any of my items I gave up for Lent and I am really proud of that.  Now if I can turn my head off from the other eating ideas, I think I will be on my way. 

A few things have happened that have boosted my confidence, so for now, I am feeling really good about myself.  I am going to hold onto that feeling for as long as I can, and hopefully it will stick for good.  I hope so because I feel like the old me again.  Fun, sexy, and intellegent.  All things I should carry with me at all times.

I'm back home!!! Now what....

Mom has been cleared to use her arms again.  So that means that I can stay home (my home) for awhile.  We put back her eye surgery for a couple of reasons.  1)  To let her get some independance back, and 2) she was all broke out on her face and didn't want to mess up the surgery with stuff falling in her eye.

Now that I'm back home, the temptation to eat is back.  I have been doing really good with my Lent commitment of no rice, pasta, bread, or sugar.  It wasn't until I got home, that I was craving sugar again.  I don't know what I would have done a few times if I didn't have my sugar free chocolate pudding!!!  I still have to watch that though, because it turns into wanting more!!!!

So my plan for staying away from eating is I'm fixing up the house.  I am currently repainting the bathroom.  I'm doing it right too.  Spackling all of the holes, sanding down the rough spots, taking down all of the shelves, and curtain rod.  I am hoping to be able to have some friends come over for Easter for a BBQ.  It's a long shot but I have decided that Jim and I, especially I, need to have friends and people around me.  We haven't been able to have people over to our house for 9 years.  We have two friends that have been over but that's it!!!  I am trying to get a handle on my hoarding issues too.  Nothing like taking on the world right?!?!?  If you don't understand that comment, let me just readers digest it for you.  I have given up eating rice, pasta, bread, and sugar until April 4th, I am redoing our bathroom, cleaning out a hoarders house and getting a handle of all of that emotional mess, and I'm trying to have a BBQ by Easter!!!!  Not to mention I still have to move forward with my weight loss.  No stress here.  LOL.  Actually, there isn't any stress so far, it's only day two!!!  I CAN do this though!!!!  If I want it, I WILL MAKE IT so!!!  And I REALLY want this!!

As a start of my renewal of myself, I have done a few things that I haven't done for awhile.  First, I went and got my hair cut the way I really like it.  Sort of mullet style but I don't care I love it!!!  Secondly, I bought myself a new blouse.  It is sort of form fitting and doesn't hang on me like an old t-shirt!!!  I am trying to put me first, well not really, I guess I should say, I am trying to build up my own self worth!!!  Time to get back to the happy go lucky Tristine that was okay with the way she looked and felt.  It's only taken me 15 years to get here but I think I'm going to make it this time.

I was stong enough to watch my mom and sister eat cookies, ice cream, and cake in front of me for a month, I should have no problem with the tasks I've given myself now.

CARPE DIEM!!!!!  I WILL sieze the day!!!!

Finally some time for myself

February 4th was my last posting, and now it's the 25th.  I am still taking care of my mom.  She is doing much better, in fact her cast finally came off and they have her in a wrist brace.  The shoulder however, still has to be immobilized.

I can't believe how lost I have been.  Even though I have my computer out here, the signal stinks and I can't stay online very long.  But more than that, I have lost myself.  Things that I normally find enjoyment in have not interested me.  It could be because my sister wants to do everything that I am doing or to tell me that she used to do it this way.  Well today, I decided to do for myself.

For Lent, I gave up rice, pasta, bread, and sugar.  These are all things that I shouldn't be eating anyway.  But I figured that this would be a good time to get my head on straight and start losing the weight again.  It seems like it's working so far, I have lost 9 pounds.  Woohoo!!!

This morning, I decided that it was time to start my strength training again.  I bought some weights that I can do some simple things to start getting me back into shape to really start lifting the heavy stuff.  It felt soooo good this morning to do some squats and some barbell work.  I felt it afterwards, but I "felt" like ME again.  I felt in control of what I was doing with my body.  I was happy!!!!

After working out a bit I found that I was able to deal with my sister better.  Stress didn't gang up on me so fast.  Who knew, and only after a month of being held hostage.  LOL.

Tomorrow I get to go home to see my hubby for the weekend.  I have to keep my head in the game and not eat a bunch of stuff that I'm not supposed to.  I'm not talking about the carb or sugar stuff.  I have will power not to eat that stuff, but it's the meat and constant snacking on things I can eat.  I know I can do this.  I WILL do this!!!

Right now, I get to relax for about an hour.  The neighbor took my mom and sister with her to go buy some hay.  This is time I'm going to use for me.  I may reflex on what I'm doing with my life, or I may just run around in my underwear singing like risky business, who knows.  For now I am enjoying the quiet.  So I leave you with the hopes of a better and brighter day.

The fourth day out at mom's

Monday, I moved in with mom to help take care of her.  I had forgotten how teadious it is to take care of some one who can't take care of themself.  The first two nights I didn't get hardley any sleep.  Mom was awake the whole first night and the second night mom had gotten a fever and I wasn't sure that the neighbor hadn't given her walking pneumonia.

My eating has become somewhat wonky to say the least.  I have decided that I am going to go back to drinking two protein shakes and eating only one meal a day.  So far I'm been drinking a protein shake and eating only one meal a day.   It takes so long to get everything ready with my mom and sister.  Geez. 

If my sister wakes up early, she instantly wants to drink water, tea, OJ, more tea....etc!!!  Then it's up to both of them to decide what they want to eat.  I'm used to a meal for breakfast, and they are used to toast and coffee.  Hmmmm, that is going to change!!!!

But mostly breakfast is first thing in the morning, lunch is usually skipped because if I take them shopping, it takes all day!!!!  So then we eat an early dinner and that is the end of the meals.

Trying to make a fire in the wood stove every morning is a task within it's self.  It took me almost 3 hours to finally get the stove burning good enough that I didn't have to watch it constantly.  The problem is that mom had bought some wood that was not seasoned and stored it outside in the rain.  I have bought some hot wood to help get it hot enough to sort of dry out the wood, but it still takes forever!!!!

But enough complaining.  Things aren't too bad, just different.  I am looking forward to going home Saturday to spend some time with my hubby and dog.  I really miss them!!!

My internet signal is only one bar so I may not be alble to post everyday, but I will try.

Until then, I hope things are going well for all.  Now what's for lunch?!?!!  LOL!!!!

Mom breaks bones

January 27, 2010


Dear Family and friends,

I hope the new year is treating you all well. I am sorry that it seems like the only time you hear from me is in these form letters. I will try and work on that, but until then I have some news for you all. I am going to apologize up front for this letter being so long. But here it goes.

Sunday, January 24th, mom and Kelly went over to the neighbors house to help build some shelters for the neighbors horses. This is what I understand to have happened.

There was a guy (David) who was carrying some t-stakes (that mom was letting the neighbor use) and while he was walking in front of mom, who was carrying a wrench, he slipped, tripped and fell next to a horse that was tied up. When he fell he spooked the horse and it started to turn it’s body to get away from David. While the horse was moving, mom noticed that the horses rump was turning toward her direction. Mom had turned her back to the horse to get out of the way, but the horse was faster than mom. The horses rump bumped mom’s backside and knocked her into the mud and muck. The mud that they were working in was a mixture of clay, straw, mud, and horse manure. Mom fell on her knees, then on her front side. To our best guess, mom fell with her left arm under her and the right arm (the one holding the wrench) out in front of her. She was covered from head to toe with muck. The neighbors jokingly asked her how it tasted, and of course mom replied that it tasted like shit!!! Once they cleaned her off, the neighbors had mom sit on a tire to make sure she was okay and for her to catch her breath. Mom didn’t remember, but the neighbor told me that mom was sort of out of it and looked spacey for just a moment, so she had someone walk mom and Kelly home.

When mom and Kelly returned home, mom called me to let me know that she had fallen. Mom called me about 2:30pm. I asked her how she felt and if she needed to go to the hospital. She didn’t think anything was broken and thought that she would wait it out. I told her that I’m going to call her back in two hours and see if she was still in pain. At that time she could wiggle her fingers, and there was no numbness that she felt, but her shoulder was hurting.

I called mom back in two hours and she thought that it was time to go to the hospital. She could still wiggle her fingers and there was still no numbness, but her shoulder was really hurting her. So Jim and I drove out to the house. It was about 5:30pm by the time we got mom to the emergency room. I checked her in, thank goodness I became her power of attorney, and had her sit down until the triage nurse called us up.

It wasn’t very long before they called mom up to take her information about what happened. It seemed to be taking forever for the nurse to take the information. Mom started feeling woozy, so she bent over in the chair to get some form of relief. Then while the nurse was taking her blood pressure mom became unresponsive. To me, it looked like mom was having a stroke. Her eyes got sort of glossy, her mouth hung open, her face was limp, and we couldn’t get her attention. I was tapping on her cheek and rubbing her hair calling mom and she wouldn’t respond. She wasn’t blinking or anything. The nurse was tapping on her chest and her arm and she couldn’t get any response either. This went on for a couple of minutes. The nurse took her blood sugar and never finished because we couldn’t snap mom out of it. Mom came too and didn’t remember any of it. So the nurse called for a gurney and they took mom right back into the ER. They immediately set her up and took an EKG and some blood work. Once mom was laying down she felt much better. We were never really told, but I am assuming that her EKG and blood work came out fine.

We were in the hospital for about four to four and a half hours. They took X-rays and determined that mom definitely had a broken shoulder and possibly a broken wrist. Here is where the fun begins. The left arm is the shoulder break. The way the doctor explained the break was that mom’s shoulder is like a ice cream cone and a scoop of ice cream. The break is right below the scoop of ice cream and above the cone. It is a straight across break which is a good break and will heal well. She also broke part of the “scoop” part of her shoulder but it’s not bad enough to worry about. When mom broke her shoulder it sort of jammed the cone part into the scoop part so it’s a very solid break. Then the right arm is the arm that the wrist is broken. It also is not a major break but it is a break. The break is right at the wrist where it bends.

After we are told all of this, they tell us that mom can go home, and that she has an appointment the next day to talk to a surgeon. I didn’t like the sound of the surgeon, but I liked the fact that mom could go home. A technician came in to wrap her up so she could go home. Well he acted like he didn’t know what he was doing. Not to mention that he didn’t speak very good English so he was hard to understand. He got mom put in a sling for her shoulder and wrapped her wrist up to the elbow. The discharge nurse came in and gave mom some milk of magnesia, Motrin, and a purkoset for her to go home on.

When we left the hospital, we were all starving, so we stopped at a Jack in the Box. We picked up some food and took it to mom’s house. Once we got there, I hate to say, but it was the funniest thing to watch mom try and eat these tiny burgers with two fingers and a broken wrist. She managed, but if we had video taped it, we may have made a ton of money on America’s funniest home videos. We got her set up in her recliner with some blankets and a fire and then Jim and I had to head home.

I arrived back at mom’s house around 7am the next morning. She slept ok but was freezing because the fire had gone out in the stove. I made a fire and mom and Kelly fell back asleep for a few hours before it was time to go back to the hospital.

Mom’s appointment was at 10:30am. When we got there we were a little late but luckily they still took her. When the doctor came in we got a little better news. Yes, mom’s shoulder was broken, and yes, her wrist was broken but she is not going to have to have surgery. Yeah!!! The doctor fixed mom’s sling (remember we thought that the technician didn’t know what he was doing, well he didn’t) so the sling took some of the pressure off of her shoulder. The only bad news was that for the broken wrist, mom was going to have to be in a cast up OVER her elbow. The reason the doctor decided to do this is to make sure that the wrist stayed separated so when it healed, she would still have good range of motion with it. As for her shoulder, they are not putting it in a cast but she has to keep in a sling and immobile for 6 weeks. We had to wait for someone to come and get mom to put the cast on. While we were waiting, mom felt woozy again. I told the doctor that this is what happened the night before in the ER. The doctor had mom lay down and had a nurse come in and take mom’s blood pressure laying down then sitting up. Then the nurse came in, mom’s blood pressure was 113/60, when she sat up her blood pressure went to 103/60. The doctor explained that her spacing out phases were due to being dehydrated. Once mom was given some water she felt fine and it hasn’t happened since. Then we headed over to get her cast and that went really fast and of curse, mom picked out the hot pink for her cast color.

I took mom and Kelly to Jimboy’s for some lunch to take home. Well when we got home we figured out that mom can’t feed herself at all! There is no way she can get her utensil to her mouth. I ended up cutting up moms lunch for her and feeding it to her. I now realized how much mom was not going to be able to do. Such simple things like talking on a phone, cleaning up after going to the bathroom, brushing her teeth, and scratching her nose are all but impossible. I stayed with mom and Kelly until about 3pm. I have not decided if I need to move in (which I think I’m going to have to) or not. Kelly is trying her hardest to do things for mom but there are just some things that she can’t do.

As for now, things are going good. If you call mom, Kelly will answer the phone but then ask for mom and Kelly will put the phone on speaker phone so mom can talk to you. Kelly is having a hard time explaining what has happened.

Mom is currently on Motrin and Vicodin for the pain and swelling. She is able to get up and move around, in fact I’m taking her shopping Thursday.

Mom has an appointment in two weeks to make sure her shoulder is healing like it should. In four weeks, the doctor will take the cast off of her arm and put on a shorter cast. The cast won’t go over her elbow so she will be able to use that arm somewhat again. Then hopefully after six weeks the sling will come off. Mom will have to do some physical therapy afterwards but the doctor thinks that that will be a breeze.

Then on March 9th, mom goes in to have cataract surgery on her left eye I believe. In April they will be working on her other eye so she will have decent eye sight again. Then hopefully mom will stay out of trouble and not break or bruise anything else.

So that is what’s going on as of now. I’m sorry this was a ton to read but I thought that it would be easier to read, then have me try to tell you all over the phone.
That’s all for now. I’ll try and keep you all up to date as I can.
Tristine

Where has the month gone?

It's the 19th of the month already!!!  Where did the first half of the month go?!?!?!  I may have eaten it and not known it.....sadly that could be a possibility.

Today is my appointment for an ultrasound on my liver.  I'm going to see if the mass in my liver has turned into an alien yet!  To bad Halloween is so far away.  I guess I could save it until then.....nawh.

The weather is windy and rainy so I don't think Shadow and I will be taking our walk today.  Maybe we will play some tug-a-war to burn some energy.  Since I have the car today...logic says that I should go to the gym and get some cardio in.  Lazy arse says that I should snuggle up with Shadow and watch a movie.  I guess I could compramise and go to the gym and work out while I'm watching a movie.  LOL.

Not sure what the rest of this month has in store for me.  I need to lose some weight or my surgeon is going to kill me.  That hasn't been motivation yet.  I see my surgeon in about 3 weeks, and I think I've gained weight!!  I guess these next three weeks are going to be nothing but protein shakes, protein, and salads.  I know there should be some exercise in there somewhere!!  I'm just not sure how to get my buns motivated.  Maybe I need to be like the rabbit that has the carrot on a string in front of his nose.  Mine would have to be chocolate though!!!!  All jokes aside, I have to get this weight off and I'm not sure if I can do it.  I know I CAN do it, just not sure I guess if I want to do it.  How sick is that!!??!!  I've gone through this surgery and now I'm not sure if I want to lose the weight.  AAARRRGGG!!!  I'm making myself depressed so I'm going to stop for now.  Let's hope my mind set changes after my appt.

Until then......

Cesar Millan I am NOT!!!

To start this BLOG off right, I feel that I should first show you the e-mail that I sent to my hubby yesterday.

Well I am no Cesar Millan!!!!! Took Shadow for a walk....uh...drag...uh.....sit....uh....bark fest....uh.....I couldn't tell you what it was, but I am tired!!!!

Wholy cow !!! My head is pounding, my chest wants to launch both lungs at the same time, and my nose is like a leaky faucet!!!

I'm sweating like crazy and I'm ready to die!!! So don't be alarmed if you find me dead on the floor with Shadow laying by me.

You dearly departed wife,
momma

Yep, that's right, I decided to take Shadow for a walk yesterday.  I have been watching the Dog Whisperer for awhile now and I was feeling bad that I don't take Shadow out for any exercise.  I thought this would be a huge help to both of us to get in some cardio.  I think I got the cardio!!!!

The walk started with me grabbing the shorter leash.  I wanted to be able to have Shadow walk along side me not her pulling me down the street.  Well the walking beside me was not working.  How does Ceasar do it.  I tried stopping and making her sit and get into a calm submissive state (which I don't think she ever really got to), I tried holding the leash behind my back to force her to walk behind me (that just made her walk between my legs and tangle me up with the leash), and lastly I tried putting my leg in front of her to block her from walking in front of me.  As you can tell.....none of the tactics worked!!!!

Then how about working with her aggression towards other dogs.  That actually went better than I had hoped.  I now think that it's not aggression towards other dogs, she just doesn't know how to greet them.  Since we think that she was used as a bait dog before we got her, I can understand why she has problems getting to know other dogs.  I think I would too!!!  We tried the sitting and letting the other dog sniff her, that didn't go to bad with the smaller dog down the street.  But when we tried a larger dog on the other end of the street, well it didn't go as well.  I think a lot of that was the neighbor came out and was learing at me for having my pit bull interact with the neighbors dog.  Come on, I could feel her negative energy let alone what the dogs must have felt.  So we abandoned that trial.

The whole walk took us about 45 minutes to an hour to do, and it was only a block!!!!  Needless to say, Shadow's walks from now on will be her pulling me down the street for awhile.  I went out and bought Cesar's book, hopefully that will help.  But until then, I think I'm going to go lay down awhile.  All of that bending over, tention, and leadership wore me out!!!!  I guess I failed at being the calm assertive pack leader.  LOL.

Doing better

Well this morning was a little easier to swallow...breakfast that is.  I almost went for the same old cottage cheese but then I thought, if I screw up around lunch time (the hardest time of the day for my eating binges) I need to have a carb, fat, and sugar free meal.  So I whipped up some chopped canadian bacon, bell pepper, onion, one mushroom, with one quarter cup of Egg Beaters.  Yumm.  The best thing about the whole meal was that it was only 101 calories!!!

I then decided to watch a movie with Shadow while I was doing some laundry.  Well the laundry came first because I didn't want to keep stopping the movie.  I know that's why there is a pause button, but you lose some of the flow when you do that.  Anyway, by the time Shadow and I sat down to watch a movie, "Angels and Demons" I was hooked.  I almost forgot to eat!!!  Either that or I just ignored myself.  lol.  The later is probably more the truth than anything.

So lunch time....what to eat.  I can't just make a sandwich, no bread, I don't want any soup, I don't want to mess with making up a salad, AAARRRGGGG!!!  Oh hey!!.....I have some veggie bites, Spinach and Artichoke (Morning Star).  Yummm.  They are a little bigger than chicken nuggets but they are all veggie.  I had five left, and a serving size is 4.  What the heck, I cooked them all.  Eighteen minutes later...ding...they were done.  But.....why must there always be a but, while I was cleaning the kitchen, I found the old Halloween stash of Whoppers, Almond Joy, Rocky Road, etc.  Without even thinking, I grabbed a few, and yes I ate them!!!!  I did log that I ate them though, so it's not like I was just eating them and denying it.  With the candy bars, I went over my fat and carb alotment.  I didn't however go over my calories yet!!!  As for the fifth veggie bite....well Shadow got that one...sorry Jim (now both his wife and his dog are going to gas him out of the room tonight).

I have decided not to go to the gym tonight.  I'm going to give myself a day's break.  I also found out yesterday that my trainer (who I haven't seen in months) is leaving for Chicago in three weeks!!!!  Great now what.  I have a decision for that too.  I'm going to drop my trainer account for awhile and save some money.  I have the workouts that Zach and I did and I will just follow them for awhile.  The gym will have another chance to get a deal on trainers again and I will sign up then.  I have only been back to the gym for two days.  I feel by letting go of the stress of trying to make the $200 monthly payments for the trainer, it will help with getting my head back in the game.  I really am a great pusher when it comes to me working out, I just have to get motivated to get there.  Getting there is sometimes the hugest battle.  Trust me, I've been there.  LOL.

So thankfully, today has been a better day.  I am still struggling with getting in all of my water, and not replacing it with food, but I am at least aware of what I am doing.  One more small step towards getting back to me.  You know for a tall girl, I sure make small steps.  I always did learn the hard way...lol.

Back to the gym

Yep, you read it right....this afternoon I went back to the gym for some cardio.  After talking to my mom and reading her my BLOG, I couldn't take it anymore.  Jim was sleeping with Shadow on the couch and I figured this is going to be the time to go back to the gym.  By the time I got ready to go, Jim had woken up and offered to take me.

I hate having him sit out in the parking lot while I sweat away the calories but today I wasn't going to pass it up.  I was surprised that I was able to do 30 minutes at 3.1 mph.  That equals a 19 minute mile.  I burned off 278 calories and my heart rate maintained at about 154 on average.  I'm not too sore yet....although my hips are going to be the first to argue with me.  I didn't get my normal adrenaline rush but I'm still not in the perfect mind set yet.

But I did it.  Now keeping it up....I'm going to try hard.  Oh I weighed in, and this is after we had eaten breakfast 2 hrs earlier, but I still weighed in at 353.  That doesn't make me happy but being able to push through to the 30 minutes when I wanted to quit at 15 did.

One small step at a time

Morning everyone.  It  is now time for me to face the facts.  I went to the support group last night and it was a room full of people I really don't know.  There were a few people that I was comfortable with but the energy that I was hoping for was not there.  Jim and I stayed for about an hour and then I felt it was time to go.  I was starting to revert inward and felt really uncomfortable.  So we said good bye and excused ourselves.

We hadn't eaten yet and it was 8pm.  We stopped at a place called Lumberjacks.  The food was ok but let's face it, I was in no mood to make right choices or to even care last night.  I ate some fried zuchinni, mushroom, and a couple of onion rings.  Nothing really got stuck but I ate them anyway.  My meal was a BBQ chicken wrap.  I did only eat half of that.

We went home and I crashed.  Zzzzzzzz!!!! 

This morning I am trying to stay focused on what I need to do.  I took my blood sugar this morning and it was 126 at 6:30am!!!!  Darn it.  That was the one thing I felt I had under control.  So breakfast this morning was just some cottage cheese.  I had promised Jim this morning not to make or bake anything.  I will not break my word to him, so now what do I do.

I have decided to do some cleaning.  Maybe if I clean the house, I can clean my head.  Lord knows there is a ton of junk in both!!!  So that is where I'm leaving things this morning.

One step at a time is all I can ask of myself right now.

Surrender

After a long up and down day today, I have decided that I have to go back to my support group for the weight loss surgery.  I have been having uncontrolable highs and lows again with crying at a drop of a hat.  My eating is out of control again and it doesn't seem to be fazing me.  I need help.  I'm not sure that I am going to be able to ask for the help tonight but I think just the fact that I'm going is going to help.  I don't realize how isolated I keep my feelings and things from all of my friends and family until I have a melt down and everyone comes to me with words of support and care.

Why is this process so hard for me?  I'm hoping that tonight will spark something in me to get back on track.  The phone call I received from Wendy last night helped get my mind working, but I think I need some more push.  So I am going to surrender myself to the group and let down my gaurd, I hope.

Excuses....are they real or denial?

I received a call from my best friend last night.  Wendy is actually more than my best friend, she is my soul sister.  We have gone through a lot together and we know each other like a book.

Wendy and I have both been heavy ever since we have known each other.  Our weight never stopped us from being us.  As we get older, we are both traveling the journey of losing weight.  Her phone call last night sparked a light in me that hasn't been turned on for awhile.

We talked about all sorts of things, and one of the topics was getting back to us.  Doing things for ourselves.  We both have families that need us, and I more than Wendy, give way to letting family push me around.  Wendy told me last night that it's been almost a year and a half since my surgery and I am no where NEAR where I should be.  She told me that everytime she talks to me, I am letting my mom and sister get in the way of my progress.

Here is where the lightbulb came a flickering.  Yes, mom and Kelly take a lot of my time, but how much of that is actually their doing and how much of it is me making excuses and using them as scapegoats.  I can't believe how hard this is to admit.  I spend a lot of time home alone not doing anything.  I have exercise DVD's, I can take Shadow for a walk, I CAN exercise I just don't.  My eating, I know I shouldn't eat things and amounts that I do, but I am in denial.  My actions do not fit my words.  That makes me sad to think that I am killing myself.  When am I going to quit hiding behind the excuses and face up to me.

I am so afraid of failing, but by staying the way I am now...I'm failing!!!  I have a hard time asking for help, weather it's because I don't know what kind of help to ask for, or just that I don't want pitty and asking for help to me feels like I can't do it on my own...that makes me pitiful. 

I have been thinking about the current excuses....I have to take mom and Kelly somewhere, I don't have my own car, we don't have the money to pay for my trainer, I have a chest cold.  How stupid. FACE yourself!!!  I spend my time making busy work but not getting anything done.  I need to look in the mirror and find out who and what I am.  I used to be more confident, happy, fulfilled.  I want that me back, but I'm not sure how to find her again.

Making choices

This morning I was not feeling like cooking anything for breakfast.  Cottage cheese didn't sound good to me at all, so the only thing left for me to eat was either a protein shake or the hard boiled eggs I bought yesterday.  How cool is that, WalMart in their deli section had a bag of hard boiled eggs, 6 total, for $1.98!!  Woo hoo.  Anyway, back on track.  I normally only eat 4 large eggs for egg salad but these were small.  Now hold on a minute, just because I said 4 eggs doesn't mean that I eat the yolks of all of them.  I eat one whole egg and 3 egg whites.  The mayo is what kills me in the end.  This morning I didn't even feel like dealing with getting rid of the yolks.  So I cut up all six eggs and added *lowering my head* 3 Tablespoons of mayo.  Not low fat or fat free mayo, the real stuff.  I took one taste and it had no flavor, so I heated it up in the microwave for 15 seconds on medium heat to see if I could bring out the egg flavor.  Nope, no luck there.  Where is that sweet pickle relish?....found it!  In goes about 3 Tablespoons of that.  Much better.  I had added too much mayo since I heated the eggs.  Normally I use fresh boiled and only need about a tablespoon of mayo since the heat makes it mix better.  I tried to push aside all of the extra mayo and eat breakfast.  I had no problem with it going down since it was really slick with all the mayo.  Can you tell that I am a little obsessed with the amout of mayo I used?!?!  LOL.

Okay, breakfast was prepared and eaten by 6:30am.  No more eating until at LEAST 11am.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  What was I thinking?  Honestly, I couldn't tell you.  I had found a slice of frozen key lime pie in the freezer when I was putting food away yesterday.  I thought that it wouldn't be a problem, since it had been in there for awhile anyway.  Nooooo!!!!!!  It sat out there in the freezer and kept calling my name!!  Tristine.......Tristine......Hey You........You know you want me........I'm so yummy.........What's a little piece of pie going to hurt?...........You can work it off later........  *Lowering my head even further..* I caved to the pressure.  It was too much.  I hate peer pressure from myself.  Bad self, bad self.  But oh it tasted sooooo good.  But then it was gone and what do I have to show for it?  350 EXTRA CALORIES!!!!!  Wholly cow that's a meal!!!!  Bread and water for lunch for me...oh wait, I can't eat bread.....just water it is.  Sigh.  The worst part about this is that I ate the pie at 8:30am!!! 

I wasn't hungry, I wasn't really bored (had a ton of laundry to do), and I wasn't feeling overly emotional (at least I didn't think I was).  So why did I eat it.  That seems to be the question of my life.  I have no reason to feel deprived, I haven't been keeping goodies out of my life (even though I'm supposed to).  I can whip up anything any time I want.  I didn't have to go to Brown Bag with my mom and sister today.  I'm feeling a little better with my cold, even though the coughs still feel like I'm going to lose a lung.  I don't really have anyone that has expectations of me that I have to fulfill other than my surgeon, and eating the pie would NOT make him happy.  So what is wrong with me?!?!!

The positive aspect of this whole situation is that I didn't eat again until noon!!  I drank a bottle of water and just didn't think about eating.  For lunch I had 5 slices of canadian bacon, and a Campbell's Soup at Hand Veggie with noodles.  Lunch totaled a whole 175 calories!!!  But with the 694 for breakfast, the 350 for pie, and then 175 for lunch, that puts me 200 calories over my daily intake!!!  I still have to eat dinner tonight!!!  I have decided to make some fish for dinner to cut down on the calories.  I don't want to get into that mind set of well I blew that meal.....let's just forget the whole day.  I can't do that!!!

So now it's back to laundry and drinking more water.  Maybe if I concentrate on drinking my 4 bottles of water, I won't think about food so much.  One can hope right.  Well there were some hard choices that I have to deal with today.  I can't get down on myself or that will defeat the whole process.  I can't linger on the situation because that will lead to more eating.  AARRRRGGG!!!

Ohmmmm, ohmmmmmm, ohmmmmm, if only this really worked for me.  Well another day, another choice, another step down my journey.  No one said my path was going to be paved.

Coughin' to coffin...

Well I never made it to the gym Monday morning.  Thankfully it wasn't because I didn't want to get out of bed, but because I have a nasty chest cold that kept me asleep. 

I thought that I was going to grab on of my many aerobic DVD's and get some cardio in.  I thought wrong!!  This cold is really being a pain in my.....chest!!!!

I wish I could say that I was good and didn't eat a ton of food these last couple of days.....oh to wish for things.  Monday I ate 2 cups of Honey Nut Chex dry, and made myself a cheese pizza out of a flour tortilla.  Yesterday, I ate about half a cup of ice cream, 3 taco supremes, and a grande soft taco from Taco Bell, 4 cookies, and a candy bar.  All of this food was on top of my normal food....well except for the tacos...they were last nights dinner.  But 4 TACO's?!?!?!?!  OMG!!!!

I have to do some cholesterol blood work this Saturday, so I have to be good.  Not just for that, I have to be good for me.  Time to start struggling with portion sizes and emotional eating AGAIN.  Man, I hate the fact that it seems like every month I am struggling with these same issues!!!  When am I going to get it?!?!?!

Well for now, I'm dealing with the chest cold and not eating everything in the house.  One day at a time.  Sigh.

What works one day, may not work today!!

Not much going on here at the homestead. After all of the excitement of the New Year, I have gotten lazy. And with getting lazy, that means that food choices are all screwy again.

I had to go to the store the other day for some milk and mushrooms. Well I ended up finding some slow cooked ribs, full racks, two for $12.99!!!! Steal!!! Ok now I don't have to cook. Actually it wasn't so much as not having to cook, it was not wanting to wash dishes!!!

So yesterday, Jim and I shared a rack of ribs. They went down with no problem. I could have even finished off the other rack!!! Jim, who made me sick, was full after 4 ribs. What is this, I am the one that had the surgery. I'm the one with a stomach the size of an egg!!! Why is it that I still crave and can eat HUGE amounts of food?!?!!!?! I DON'T eat huge amounts, but the desire and ability IS there!!! *Sigh*

I have been very good about not eating out. Our meals....have been very....well....eclectic lately. I have eaten hard boiled egg whites with some mayo for breakfast for two days now. Jim really hates my decision on this but......or should I say butt.....lol!!!! The eggs have been easy to swallow and they are quick to fix.

For lunch today we had the other rack of ribs. Since they went down so easy yesterday, I figured that today would be a breeze too. NOT!!!! I don't think I was eating faster than yesterday, the ribs weren't any greasier, the only difference was that they were not staying down. It probably didn't help that I have a chest cold and had taken medicine earlier to loosen up some of the phlegm. No matter what the case, I lost part of my lunch. I let my throat settle down again, and was able to eat 2 more ribs.

I have really got to get back on track with paying attention to eating, and I have to get back to the gym. I need to lose 36 pounds by Feb. and I don't see any way of reaching it, but I'm going to try. I know this is not a healthy act for normal people, but I'm not normal. By cutting down my portion sizes, and getting exercise in, I should be able to easily lose at least 20 pounds. Trust me, I will not starve myself by no means, so please no lectures. Hee hee.

I'm going to try and get to the gym tomorrow morning before Jim goes off to work. That means....ugh....I'll be at the gym by 4am!!!! Just me and my tunes sweating through the holiday cheer of 2009/2010!!!

I'll let ya know who wins out tomorrow, the bed or the gym....I have my bet on the bed, but I've never been a good gambler anyway!!!

A fantastic start to 2010!!!

January 1, 2010!!!!

Well we made it guys and gals!!! It's the new year!!! Jim and I arrived safely and without stress into this new year. Now what to do....

Last night I texted our good friend Spencer to see if he would like to meet us for breakfast this morning. Since we were out all day and night, we weren't sure if we could make contact with each other. When we got home last night, there were some messages from Spencer. Yeah, he would like to meet up with us!!! Now just connecting this morning is the issue.

Jim and I woke up around 7:30am. Let's call Spencer, and meet for breakfast. I called and got his answering machines. That's ok we're not ready to walk out the door anyway. We get ready slowly, as I'm not sure we are really awake yet. Finally around 8:30am it's time to eat!! lol. I call Spencer again and I was able to get a hold of him. Yeah!!!! 20 minutes we'll meet up at Waffle Square.

Breakfast was fantastic as usual. Spencer liked the place which is good, because it's close to both of us and it's not that expensive, a good place to meet up. We must have talked for a good couple of hours. It was nice. We haven't been able to connect with friends that much this year and it was a wonderful way to bring in the new year. What could be better than friends and food 'eh?!?! lol.

Once breakfast was over, we headed to our car and I was finally able to give Spencer his Halloween goodies I had made for him. I carved him a foam pumpkin, made a goodie bag (full of chocolate), and I gave him some of my homemade caramel crabapple jelly. We talked for awhile longer and finally parted with hugs and well wishes. My heart was full!!!

Once we came back home, we didn't know what we wanted to do. We had to go to the store and to Sam's club so we started there. Guess what....Sam's was closed. Oh well off to the grocery store then. We picked up a few things.....two racks of ribs, already cooked for $12.99, woot woot, I don't have to cook a meal or two!!!! Then while we were looking at the magazines, the store had some previously viewed DVD's on sale. Jim and I debated on weather it was a good idea to get them or not. We could go over to Hollywood Video and maybe pay a little more, but they are guaranteed. If the movies don't work for any reason, we can take them back and get another. Not sure we would have the same offer at the store. Next stop the video store.

I was like a kid in a candy store. I love movies and they were having a huge sale!!!! Movies from $2.99 to $7.99!!! We grabbed up a bunch of movies....ok, I grabbed up a bunch of movies and we headed home. I played on the computer for awhile and Jim watched some football. A little later we decided to pop in a movie.

Night at the Museum the Smithsonian!! That was so cute. I think the first one was better, but this one was very entertaining. What's next....another movie...Julie and Julia. I have been dying to see this movie since it came out. I can so associate with the movie's concept that it's almost not funny. It was a fantastic movie. I think I got more out of it then Jim, but hey it was a chick flick anyway. I LOVED IT!!!

Jim and I had sat around just nibbling here and there and decided that it was time to really eat. There is a chinese restaurant down the street from us, "The Lantern" that has fantastic food. I didn't want anything heavy so we went for a bowl of their soup. It's egg flower soup with chicken and corn....Yummmm....we also got an appetizer of egg rolls, wontons, foil wrapped chicken, and brandy fried chicken. There were only one for each of us on these and I let Jim have the brandy fried chicken. There was no way I was getting food stuck tonight!!!

We went home happy and full and spent the rest of the evening just kicking back. I had forgotten how comfortable it is to just spend time with Jim and Shadow. No worries, just us time. I missed that. Not any more though. I am staying committed to my family comes first this year.

I hope your year is starting out as wonderful as mine has. Enjoy the simple things in life.

New Year's eve 2009

Today is a day full of activities. Some enjoyable, some that just have to be done. As I sit here early in the morning thinking about everything that needs to get done today, I can't help but to wonder why I really have no reflections about the year. There were some good times, and bad times, but most of all....I feel like it's just time to move on. I don't want to dwell on what happened last year, I want to focus on what I'm going to do this coming year.

I woke up early this morning, not because I was anxious about today, but because I had to retrieve some blood of the elders from the game Vampire Wars on Facebook. I know that sounds stupid, but hey if it gets me out of bed, and helps me start the day, I'm all for it!!! I went out in the kitchen and played my game for awhile, checked e-mail, wished everyone a very happy new year, and then I was done. What I mean by done, is that there was no stress on having to get things together for today, what was I going to wear for tonight. As Cesar Millan would say...I was in a calm submissive state. It was kind of nice.

Tonight Jim and I are going to go see Xanadu at the community center. Jim won free tickets by being the 1000th friend of Pat and Tom on KNCI on Facebook. I am so excited. I so love the arts and things like music circus, operas, etc. I have never really been to anything like this. Not to mention it's time together just Jim and myself. Now don't get me wrong....my first thought was after the play where are we going from there, maybe to a bar to have our first public new year's kiss. Then my head goes into...I wonder if Spencer would like to join us for some music and festivities after the show. I am always thinking of others before my hubby. That has got to stop!! Jim has stood by me through thick and thin and it's time I show him that.

I sometimes get upset with Jim because I feel like I'm taken for granted, but it just dawned on me, that I do the same to him. So this year, I'm focusing on us. I'm not making an resolutions...they just don't stick, besides this is a new year and a new opportunity. Mom has a car now, so I don't have to be their taxi. I'm getting back to me and Jim and Shadow. Home is where the heart is...and they are truly my heart and soul. So sorry friends and family, but mending is around the corner for my heart.

And we're off.....
Jim and I left the house around 10am to go pick up the tickets for the show tonight. We had to take the long way there because we were still on the spare tire. But we got there and got the tickets. Jim noticed that where we were sitting was in the orchestra pit. Oh how fun!!!! After that we headed over to mom's house. We sat around for awhile, then since mom had to go to the bank, I thought this would be a perfect time to try out her car before I have to drive it to the doctors office. So we all piled in the car and off we went.

The car is not that bad, it has a few issues but hey.....it runs!!!! I have to figure out a way so mom can sit up straighter in the seat. The seat leans waaaaay back....I felt almost like I was laying down in the back seat driving. lol. The car has a lot of get up and go, so let's hope that mom will finally be able to get up and go!!!!

Anyway, we came back home to mom's. Jim had to leave to pick up his paycheck, get a new tire for the van, and then meet up with mom, Kelly and I for lunch. That is where the day went wonky!!

I took mom to the eye doctor. When we got there we saw a lady that used to come to the brown bag program that mom runs at church. Her name is Barbara. She looked great. Barbara has some medical issues like diabetes and such, but she looked really healthy. That was nice to see. We talked for awhile, but I had to get mom in for her appointment. They took mom right away.

Now her appointment was to get her eyes checked so she could get some new glasses. I was thinking maybe half an hour or so. Half an hour came and went, still no mom. Forty-five minutes, still no mom. Hmmmm. Kelly is getting restless, and we both are getting hungry!!! Jim shows up and an hour later, mom re-appears from the land of the blind. We thought that we were done....should have known. The doctor dilated mom's eyes and wanted her to see the surgeon about doing surgery to get rid of her cataract. So that was going to be another half hour or longer wait. Which is fine, because she needs to have this done. But I was getting hungry!!! Jim and I only had a bowl of cereal at 8am and here it is almost 4pm!!! But we wait.

Once again, mom re-appears from the grasp of the doctor, and she has this sick look on her face. I ask her what's wrong. She has to have surgery and the doctor is going to fix both eyes, a month apart. Then she shows me the appointment schedule. Wholly cow....she has about 8 appointments before her surgery on March 9th!!!! Then after March, they are going to do surgery on the other eye for her far sightedness in April!!! Looks like I'm still a taxi driver for another 6 months or so. That's ok, I would rather mom get her eyes fixed than to put this off any longer. *sigh*

Moving on.....we head over to where we are going to have lunch, which has now turned into dinner. We get over to Panda Buffet and they are closed!!! They close between lunch and dinner to get reset I guess. So I took mom and Kelly across the street to the store so they could get some groceries for later and then we headed back to eat.

Now it's 4:30pm. Jim and I have to be able to eat, take mom and Kelly home, get us home and changed and out the door by 7pm to go see Xanadu by 8pm downtown. To give you a breakdown of time, mom lives 30 minutes away from the restaurant, we live 45 minutes away from mom (with no traffic), and we live 20 minutes away from the theater downtown but then have to find parking. Whew!!!!

The funniest part of the whole eating thing is that mom's eyes are still dilated. She can't see a thing!!!! Her nose is shot so she can't smell anything...so if I catch her licking things to find out what they are, I'm leaving....LOL. I helped mom figure out what everything was and we finally got to eat. RELIEF!!!! The food tasted soooo good. I had to catch myself and slow down otherwise I was going to either loose my dinner or it was going to get stuck and I was going to be super uncomfortable for a long time. Since we got there right when it opened, not all of the food was out yet. By the time all the food was out, I had eaten my cup of food and was done. No matter though, it all tasted good. I was good too though. I didn't eat anything fried, I did however eat the filling out of the crab rangoon!!! Yummmm!!! I had my fill of protein, veggies, jello (oh I so love jello!!!), and yes I had some ice milk.

Now it's time to break the sound barrier getting mom and Kelly home. We got them home and unpacked then we were off. Thankfully we knew what we were going to wear to the theater tonight. Like super hero's, we changed in an instant and we were off and driving again.

Are you tired yet?!? We were but our night was just beginning!!! We parked in a parking garage and walked over to the community center. We had no idea where they were holding the play. In the front of the center was a clean and sober group, I don't think we need that, and on the side of the center was a recovery art show. Hmmm...I see a theme!! lol. Behind the community center was the theater. Yeah!!!!! We have finally arrived!!! As we walked in, there was someone selling these books. I thought that they were programs at first, since this is my first Broadway production that I've been to!!! Nope, these were books about the whole life of Xanadu. I thought, cool, I've never seen the movie, and it would be a cool item to remember tonight by. $25 dollars later.....it was still cool!!! Jim headed over to grab a beer.....$5.50!!! It was Budweiser too!!! Who cares, tonight is our night. I was going to buy a water but not at $3 for a 16.9 ounce bottle. We had about a half an hour until we could go into the seating area. So we sat back and watched all the people arrive. There were people in furs and people in jeans and hoodies. It was interesting to see what everyone was wearing. I was afraid that me in my black pants and t-shirt were going to be out of place. Nope!!!! lol.

7:30pm we are ushered into the seating area. An usher takes us to our seats. WOW!!!!! We are three rows back from the stage!!!! Woot woot!!! We take our seats and look through our program....not the book, but the actual program. The seats are filling in around us, but so far no one is sitting on either side of us. I was worried because I didn't really fit in the seat. There is nothing worse than having to sit next to a heavy person and have them "hang over" your seat too. So far so good. I was amazed at the lights, and the settings, it was all just so exciting. There were seats up on stage that people were sitting in too! I'm not sure I would want to sit there. Then it happened, the seats next to me filled up. Thankfully she was a skinny little thing and I was able to sit closer to Jim (who had no one sitting next to him), so we all had room. She would occasionally kick me or elbow me but that was ok.

The theater darkens....it's beginning.....the show is on!!!!!!

It was fantastic!!! The lead singer actually occasionally sounded like Olivia Newton John! The humor was hilarious, and the singing and dancing was absolutely amazing!!! I LOVED IT!!!!! I'm hooked!!! We left the theater and were going to head over to a bar to finish out our evening, but everywhere was packed!!!! Neither one of us wanted to really drink anyway. So we headed home. I was tired but amped too. This was a fantastic evening!!!

Finally home and stripped down to our comfy clothes, we relaxed. We watched some tv, played with the dog, and by 11:30pm I was asleep. So much for my New Year's day kiss....but not so. I felt Jim lean over and give me a kiss on the cheek at midnight. Now you know why I keep him around.

The evening was over. What a wonderful way to close out the year. Happy New Year everyone. May all your wishes, dreams, and desires be obtainable, and fulfilled.

Good night.