Father's Day

We didn't do a whole lot on Father's Day. I got up and made Jim breakfast of biscuits and gravy with smoked sausage and eggs, while Shadow gave papa his card and gift. We sat around most of the morning just relaxing. It was kind of nice for a change.

A couple of days before, we had just gone out and bought me a new grill. My old grill, the rack was all rusty and gross. Hee hee, a new Halloween prop eh?!?!?! Anyway, Father's day was the day I broke in the grill.

I had made myself some turkey slider patty's that actually weren't that bad. Of course my portion size was four of them!! LOL.Yep I ate them with no bun, mayo, nothing. Surprisingly they weren't dry either.

But here is papa's dinner!!! Yep you can see my mini turkey burger down on the coals basking in the fat and juices of Jim's steak. This was actually a beautiful piece of meat. I got this for our anniversary dinner but then ended up not cooking it. So I used my foodsaver and froze it. There was no freezer burn or anything on this wonderful rib eye. I didn't do anything fancy with it either, just salt, pepper, garlic, and onion powder.As you can see the steak came out fantastic!! And of course, I had to throw in a lobster tail too. Not like Jim was complaining at all!!! I got a couple of bites of the steak just to taste it, I didn't want any more than that. Honest!!! It was very good. Tender, and juicy. All in all I think it was a good Father's day for all, especially Jim. He deserves a day at least once a year! LOL

6/20/09 At the gym with Mom & Kelly

Kelly had a dentist appointment on Saturday, and I had my self defense class to go to. So I thought to myself, how am I going to get all of this done. Then it came to me. If I take mom and Kelly to the gym with me, they could work out while I go to my self defense class. I got them a one day pass and here they are proudly showing them off in front of Gold's Gym.

Kelly has that wild eyed look of I'm going to do this! The funny part of all of this is that she is lifting 5 pound weights. Hee hee. She didn't want to work out with the 17.5 pound weights I use.

I know it's hard to tell, but Kelly really isn't falling asleep on this....at least I don't think she was. LOL. I had both her and mom set up on pushing 40 pounds on these leg presses. Mom was surprised that she could do these and it not hurt her hip. That's a good thing. If she breaks her hip one more time, I'm going to have to kill her.

Here mom and Kelly are working on the backs of their arms and shoulders. I had them set up at 10 pounds, and they couldn't believe how hard it was. We only did about one set of these before it was time for my class to start.

This had to be the funniest photo of all!! I set both of them up on just a flat surface going at about a 40 minute mile. Mom keeps saying that she would like a treadmill but after walking on this one for awhile, I think she may change her mind. I don't know how long they actually stayed on the treadmills because I was in class, but they were huffing nicely. Hee hee. They sat and watched me finish out my class and I introduced them to my instructors Carl and Adrian.

Mom was so proud that she worked off 86 calories!!! I didn't have the heart to tell her that 86 calories is barely her coffee. LOL.

They seemed to have a lot of fun, and I was able to get them to Kelly's appointment on time. They got to see what I go through for strength training and what one of my karate classes looks like.

By the way, I haven't heard anymore about working out or wanting a treadmill or exercise tapes...hummm. LOL.

When will I get it through my head

Last night I went in early to the gym to make sure I got in my strength training, cardio, and karate. I was able to do it all but boy was I tired.

This morning, I was feeling good but my left shoulder was killing me. I couldn't move it without some sort of pain. But the day had to go on. Since I had gone to the gym last night, I covered my training for today.

I got up and didn't want to make anything, and didn't really want to eat cottage cheese. I remembered that I made some mini quiches. I grabbed four of them and heated them up in the toaster oven. I grabbed about a tablespoon of ranch dressing and a bottle of water with Crystal Light in it and that was breakfast. I wasn't hungry afterwards, but I wasn't really full either. But I didn't want to eat anymore. When I was at the gym last night I weighed myself and I had gained another two pounds since I saw Zach, my trainer, last week.

Four hours later, it was lunch time. Again, I didn't feel like fixing anything. I really didn't care if I ate or not. But I knew I had to eat. I got out some leftover chicken meat from the tortilla-less chicken enchiladas I made last week. I heated up the chicken, added about an ounce of cheese, and a half a cup of lettuce to equal my cup of food. Well it was a little to hot to eat, and while I was waiting for it to cool down, I decided to have a spoonful of ice cream. That spoonful ended up to the rest of the carton. Now granted that only added up to about two cups of ice cream but it was still totally gluttonous. I didn't even really want the ice cream but the one spoonful but once I got started, it was like I couldn't stop. The worst part of all of this is that after the ice cream, I ate the salad I made too. Then about an hour later I ate a snack size bag of chips. Another hour later I ate another snack size bag of carmel popcorn, 100 calorie, but by this time it didn't matter.

What is wrong with me. When am I going to be able to get back on track. What is it going to take. I wanted to lose 50 pounds by Wendy's wedding, but I'll never make it like this. I'll be lucky if I don't put on 50 pounds. The sad thing is that I don't think I was overly stressed, depressed, sad, or bored. So why did I just stuff my face. This is something that I'm really going to have to watch. It's going to be hard, but I have to get back into only a cup of food a meal, good choices, no carbs, and logging every little thing that goes into my mouth. I may have to resort to getting rid of all of the sweets in the house until I can get myself under control. I hate to do that because then I feel like I am depriving Jim of his snacks because I can't quit eating. But I have to do something.

I'm going to bake some fish tonight for dinner, but starting tomorrow morning, I'm going back to my two protein shakes a day and one meal with actual food. Something has to happen, and I don't like the way it's going now.

Not bad for an hours worth of work

I got up this morning and decided that it was time to do some more yard work. It was a fantastic morning. There was a nice breeze blowing, and it was nice and cool in the shade. So I drug out the lawnmower and headed to it. The lawn only took me about half an hour to mow, and since I had more energy I headed out to the back yard. This is what I did with the other half hour this morning. Not bad eh?!

I came back in the house for a little while to pay some bills, and log my food for the morning. This morning I only had cottage cheese, banana, and 2 ounces of yogurt. So when I came in the house, I wanted something to nibble on. NO!!!! Stop that kind of thinking!!! I grabbed a water and started to blog about last weekend.

After being in the house, I started to sit down to watch television again. I watched an hour show called I want to save your life. Then it dawned on me that I was sitting on my butt again, and there is no show good enough to burn calories without doing something. So I turned off the t.v. and went back outside. I got a lot more done, and was able to use my favorite tool, the chipper!!! So if Jim ever comes up missing....LOL. I still haven't reached my goal for Father's Day, but I am well on my way. I finally got tired and came back in. It was only 12:30pm!! I couldn't believe I did as much as I did in that little of time. WOW! I'm feeling really great now.

I don't know if I will go back out again tonight, but I know that I will sure sleep good!! I've got dinner ready to BBQ when Jim gets home, and then I think it's a relaxing evening.

Weekend of June 12-14

Here's a little inside to the craziness that lives inside my head. It's the weekend and I have made an appointment with my trainer at the gym for Monday morning. We had just gotten rid of two lawnmowers which left a nice big, fairly clean area on the patio. So I decide that Jim and I should go to Home Depot and get some bolts for my new punching bag stand. I have every intention to set it up on the back patio. We head off to Home Depot and get the bolts and come home. Then I take another look at the patio and decide that it needs to be cleaned up some more before I set up the bag. I have to have room to move around to hit the bag right?! Well Jim grabs a broom and his gloves and is going to help me clean the patio. Well by that time I didn't want to do it. I wasn't sure where I really wanted the bag. Okay, project one, abandoned.

Then I get this wild hair to tighten the chain on the chainsaw. I drag it into the house, look at it, and go ask Jim for some assistance. I have tightened chains before, but this one looked different and I didn't want to break the saw. He got it tightened for me, and off I go. The first victim is the Camellia out front. I cut it down as far as I can. Jim takes the pieces out to the street for me. Okay what's next?!?!?! Ahh...the hibiscus tree out back. Jim HATES that tree and now it's getting in the way of things. So off I head for the back yard with chainsaw in hand.

Now I know you may be wondering what this photo has to do with me and my chainsaw experiences, but trust me it's relevant. The above photo is that of the shallow end of our pool. Those fish you see in the photo are mosquito fish put in there about, oh, four or five years ago. Yep we did the responsible thing and had the fish put in. Now when we had them put in, you couldn't hardly see them. These are the size of them now! Anyway, the hibiscus tree is right next to the pool. Hence the reason Jim hates the tree. However, we haven't swam in the pool for years!! It was time now to go and start hacking away at the tree.


Now this is the tree after I hacked on it for a few minutes. You notice that the limbs are hanging over our neighbors yard. That wooden shed looking thing is his bird aviary, where he sells birds. I had to be real careful not to let the limbs drag or fall on the roof. That would be disastrous!! But I got it done. It was past lunch and I was ready to stop for awhile anyways. We headed out and grabbed something to eat at McDonald's. I know, how is that food good for me. Well I did get a fruit salad, a grilled snack wrap, and some chicken tenders. Shadow got most of the tortilla on the wrap, a bite of every chicken tender, and a little bit of apple. So I actually only ate my one cup. But I realize that I just made an excuse for eating poorly. Anyway we got back home, ate, and I went back to take the limbs out to the street for Wednesday's pickup.

Here is the pile that I ended up with. Jim was surprised that I was able to get all of that out to the street. I had only worked on it for a couple of hours, with cutting and then dragging and carrying it out front. It really wasn't that bad. Of course until I really felt it on Monday!!

So here are the plans for the up and coming weeks ahead. This area is hopefully to be done by Father's Day. What I mean by done is cut down and all the limbs out to the street. This is going to be a job within its self.

This is the next weeks project. This section is not going to be fun. There is a small area between the fence and the pool. Not much room to be moving around. Not to mention that there is a huge holly tree in that mess and I think a rose bush too. Ouch. As you can see there are grape vines running through it all. This is going to be the week of major calories, water, and probably brain cells lost!!

Then this is the week after that. Which will hopefully take me to the 4th of July, so we can enjoy being outside. We will see though. This section has bamboo that has been left to run ramped for many many years.

Now all of this came about because I decided to go back to the trainer at the gym. So what possess me to kill myself before the trainer? That I'm not sure I can answer. The only thing that I can tell you is that I felt fantastic that I was able to do this, and felt even better when I saw Zach on Monday. I am still dealing with food issues and eating right. But at least for this time, I'm getting back on the wagon and getting my exercise in. Not to mention the pride and self confidence I'm building by being able to say that "I did this!!!"

Sidetracked by the television

This morning I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I should clean out the refrigerator, the patio, the kitchen, the garage, the bedrooms, and the bathroom. Nah, I don't feel like it today. That doesn't mean that I won't do it, I just don't want to do it.

I decided that I would take Shadow for a drive this morning to the store. I got a few items to help with the food menu for the next week, and (hangs her head in shame) got a tub of Dibs. My heart told me not to but my head said, just this once. It is never just once!!

We got home and I put all the groceries away, and sat down for a minute. Well that minute turned into hours. I got hooked on Deadliest Warrior. I couldn't get enough. Okay so now you know my guilty pleasures, food and destruction. LOL. While sitting there watching tv, I ate the whole tub of Dibs. Wholly cow that is 680 calories!!! That is almost my whole days worth of calories. But I rationalized it to myself that Monday I start my new regime. How stupid is that?!?! Okay, I'm going to gorge myself so I can starve myself for the rest of my life. I know better than this. I thought that I was over this. I guess not.

I did however, get out both lawnmowers from the backyard, and cleaned up the BBQ I got for mom. Now I just have to get my punching bag and stand out of the van so I can get rid of the lawnmowers. So I actually did something, just nothing productive.

I need to break my habit of sitting and watching tv to avoid doing actual work around the house. I'm not going to get skinny by watching other people get skinny, (ok killed today). LOL.

This picture says it all...

Jim sent me this in an e-mail this morning. When he sent it, I thought, ha ha how funny. Then my day continued.

This morning I contacted my trainer about getting back into the strength training circuit. He agreed. I had told my mom yesterday that I HAVE to get back to the gym, and not just for karate either. Things were looking up. Jim has a friend that is going to help him fix the carburetors on the bike, I got my strength training back on track, and we are getting some financial help.

I was going to put together the punching bag out on the patio but I had to move some things around first. So I thought that I would go to the store first so I could focus on cleaning. Shadow was all excited and ready to go with me to the store. She went potty, and we hopped in the van. I put the key in the ignition....and nothing. It won't start. The battery is fine, it has good oil pressure, it just won't start. I text Jim to let him know.

Jim called the mechanic we take our cars to, and he said to bring it in. So I call AAA, which by the way is my last free tow until September. They were here quickly. The only problem is that the tow truck driver remembered me and what we had the van towed for the last time. This is NOT the way I want to be remembered.

Hopefully they can find out what is wrong with it. I would hate to have to cancel all the plans that we've made. Not like there were a ton of them, but come on!

I thought about eating everything in the house. I ended up just eating a fiber one bar and started blogging. Thank goodness I have taken all of the temptation foods out of the house. I am still fighting the urge to eat, but after gaining 20 pounds, I have to fight with everything I have. So be warned, you may see up to 20 blogs a day. LOL.

I hope you enjoyed at least the picture, and that your day is going better than that.

Who let the dogs out

It was 5:40am and I couldn't stay in bed any longer. I thought about it for awhile, and decided that Shadow and I needed to go for a walk. I threw on my shorts and a t-shirt, grabbed my phone, the camera, and Shadow knew something was up. I tried to be quiet so we didn't wake Jim up, and we headed to the front room. As I am putting on my shoes, Shadow is jumping around the house like a monkey. She knows she gets to go.

6:06am we head out the door. There is a cool breeze blowing and the streets are free of people. Shadow starts to pull. I can just picture what we look like. A 45 pound dog dragging a 340 pound woman down the street. LOL. We kept up a fairly good pace. Not a pace that is going to kill me, but definitely not a pace that I would have done at the gym. In fact, other than walking up to the Chinese restaurant the other day, this is the only other time that I have done some real exercise. I have my pedometer on my hip, and down the sidewalk we go. Shadow sniffing, tinkling the whole way.

There are not a whole lot of places that I can really take Shadow for walks. Since she is not really socialized, I have to be careful around people and other animals. So this morning I thought about the new bike trail that was put in last summer. I have been meaning to ride my bike on it, but sadly never have. I figured that at 6am in the morning, I wouldn't have to worry about too many people out on the trail, especially on a Sunday.

Finally we reach the bike trail. I had to take a photo to show Jim just how far we actually walked. I wasn't out of breath, and sweating like crazy which is a good sign. It's about a quarter mile to the trail. I let Shadow have the full 25 feet of leash while I walked. When she stopped to sniff or piddle, I kept walking. Sometimes I had to walk back to her, but I kept moving. There were benches along the way, but I didn't want to stop while I had momentum.

There was not a whole lot to look at while walking. This is what the trail looked like most of the way. Shadow was having the time of her life. We normally just walk up and down the street close to home. Today, she could fill her nose with smells all around.

We kept walking and walking and walking. My hips were starting hurt and my dogs (feet) were starting to bark. We continued on. I couldn't stop Shadow now, she was having too much fun, and I was still feeling okay. I kept thinking where am I going to find a good turn around spot. We came to a nice little green grass area, and I thought about turning around there. Then I saw a little path off to the side that led to a gravel path. Huh, that looks different we'll walk a little while here and see what we find. Well we found another park like area. This trail let to streets beside a school. Since I couldn't see what school it was, I decided that this was going to be our turn around point.

We sat down on a bench for a little while to give my back and feet a little breather. I tried to take a photo of Shadow and how happy she looked, but she was too interested to see what was all around her. So this is the best photo I could get. LOL. You notice I had to hold her collar just to get this photo.

After about 5 minutes, we started off again. I was really getting tired by this time. Not exhaustion tired, but knew that I did something, tired. My ankles were starting to ache a little bit and my back was getting tired of Shadow dragging me along. Thankfully, Shadow was getting tired too. We come to a bench, and I have to sit down just for a little bit. Not more than maybe 3 minutes or so, and we're off again. I couldn't believe how long it felt to get to where we were and how fast it felt coming back the other way. Before I knew it, we were back at the sign to the bike trail.

A little further, we were home. Shadow was really ready to be home. She waited patiently at the door while I took the leash off. Once inside, the feeling of it's over came welling over me. I was glad I did the walk but I was ready to be home. I instantly kicked off my shoes, changed out of my sweaty clothes and was off to prepare breakfast.

Breakfast for Jim was bacon, country potatoes with onions, and two eggs. I actually ate one slice of bacon, not quite quarter of a cup of potatoes, and 2 ounces of leftover steak. That's it. Everything went down fine, and nothing got stuck. I can't say that I was full, but I wasn't going to eat any more either. Now that I sit here typing, my head is thinking about what else I can eat. So I guess it's time for some more water and another activity. Maybe if I think about cleaning house, it will subside my urge to eat. LOL.

Anyway that was the start to my day. I can't wait to see what the rest of the day has in store for me.

Going back to the beginning

Yesterday I got my Gi (karate uniform) in the mail. I was so excited!! I have been waiting to be able to order and wear this for months!! I quickly took it out of the package and threw it on. Well the shirt sort of fits. I'm going to have to lengthen the ties on it and shorten the arms but all in all it fits. Then I tried on the pants. No way!!! They don't even go over my belly. Well let me take that back...they will either go over my belly or my butt but not both!! My heart sank. The weight I have put back on is keeping me from wearing my new Gi.

Last night for dinner, Jim and I walked up to the Chinese restaurant. I know what do I think I'm doing eating Chinese after my Gi won't fit. Honestly it didn't cross my mind. Well it sort of did but not enough to change my mind. We got the lantern special for two. It was a lot of food so we ended up bringing half of it home. I felt fine after the walk. It actually felt good to be moving again.

This morning I took my blood sugar and it was 98!!! How can it be that good after eating Chinese food?!?!?! It's supposed to be the other way around. But I was happy with the result anyway.

I made some pan fried pork loin medallions for breakfast. I made Jim some eggs and toast to go with it while I had a yogurt. I only ate 3 1/2 ounces of pork. I took small bites and chewed them slowly. I thought that I was eating slow enough but I guess I wasn't. Part of my breakfast came up. So I really only ate 2 ounces of meat. But that's ok. I didn't eat anything else.

Lunch came around and I made some rotisserie chicken sandwiches. Once again I tried it and once again, part of it came up. But I still didn't eat anything else.

Now it's dinner time and I'm going to have a protein shake. Jim is having the leftover Chinese, and I don't even envy him. I am tired of things coming back up. So I am now going back to the beginning of how I'm supposed to eat. I think I will do some protein shakes for awhile until I can get my portion sizes back to normal. I'm going back to using my baby spoon so I can see what a bite is, and I'm going back to eating and chewing slow. It's going to be hard but I have to do this for myself. I am not willing to screw up the surgery I've had.

So it's now back to the scale for food, and back to eating protein first, then veggies, and if there is room enough in the cup, maybe some carbs. I'm giving up carbs except for potatoes again to see if that will help too. We'll see. Tomorrow is another day.

The veggies are coming....the veggies are coming!!

First of all...I have to let you know that today is....

NATIONAL DONUT DAY!!!

Oh what sweet temptation....No don't do it....Walk away from the donut....

Sorry I had to get that out of my system. Whew, that was close. I was almost licking my computer screen!

Hee hee, I caught Jim watering my veggies! I'm surprised that he's not out there putting poison on them. Let's just say that Jim is not a huge veggie fan.

Oh look...I'm getting tomatoes!!! These are my low acid tomatoes for Jim. Aren't they cute?!?!?

Okay, now here are my "Mama Mia" tomatoes. These are like Roma tomatoes. Look closely...can you count how many there are?!?! I'll give you a hint...there are 5!!!

The zucchini are out growing their pot!! LOL. Just the way I like em!! This is my second zucchini so far. I picked my first one on Memorial Day!!

My bell peppers are going wild too! To bad for Jim, these are one of my favorites and one of his least favorites!! Look at all the baby's growing!! This is only one plant too! I have 3 total plants!!!

Here's my cucumbers. They are blooming but I don't see any little cuc's yet. This is Jim's only revenge in the veggie world. He loves them and I can't stand them. I can't even have them in a salad, then taken out. I can still taste them!! Yuck. So, yep I'm growing them for him. Anyone want some cucumbers?!?!?!

My spinach is starting off slow, but that's ok. They were almost dead before I put them in the pot. Oh Popeye would be proud!!

And lastly, my parsley. It was another almost dead plant that I thought I would save it's life. She still has a ways to go before it's really abundant. But I can wait.

So now you have seen my veggies what do ya think? I can't wait till they are ready for picking! Hee hee, my veggies are still out growing my moms. LOL!!

Our moto...bad things happen to good people

AAARRGGG!!! I'm still posting a day behind. Well maybe today will be my changing point. Now on to our regularly scheduled program.

Yesterday was my scheduled phone appointment with a credit counselor to see what could be done with our finances. Jim had tried to wake me up to let me know he was leaving for work, but I think all I gave him was an I love you grunt. I finally got out of bed, (not sure I was wake yet) and grabbed something to eat for breakfast. Breakfast couldn't have been that good, because I couldn't tell you what I actually ate.

I was a little anxious before the phone call. I am not really one to dabble with money. I don't like to gamble, I don't dabble in the stock market, and I'm not really fond of loans, consolidating etc. To me, doing any of these things is an opening for disaster. But I had to do this. We would not make it many more months if I don't talk to these people.

8:30am. I called the phone number for the appointment. I was taken to the gentleman's voicemail. Okay, I wait for him to return my call. It wasn't that long of a wait, and the phone rang. I let the answering machine pick it up since we are getting swamped with creditors calling. A nice gentle soft voice starts to leave a message. It was Mr. Jiru the consultant. He apologized for having to call me back. I assured him that it was no problem, as I understand that many people are in our position. He asked me how we got into the situation, and how could he help us. I explained everything that has happened, and he told me that he could really help us. He first explained what the difference is between the ads on tv and a credit counselor. This is how he described it to me:

The ads on tv are called debt settlements. The way they work is they tell you to first of all cut all contact with your creditors. Then you pay this company a monthly amount. The first 6 months that you are paying this company, is basically their fee. They have not yet even contacted your creditors! Then once their fee is paid, they will contact one of your creditors that has the least amount due and make them a deal. Naturally the creditor is going to accept the money, they haven't heard from you in months! This whole time you are still paying this debt settlement company. When you have built up enough money for the next creditor, then they contact the next lowest debt. This goes on until all of your debt is paid. What they don't tell you is that since there is no contact with the creditor they can send you on to collections, keep accruing interest, and finally seek legal action. Once the debt is paid, it is reported to the credit bureau as a settled amount and is not a positive addition to your credit report. On top of that, say the debt was $2000. and they settled for $1000, you will be taxed on that other $1000 for you yearly taxes.

A credit counselor is different. First off, most of them are non-profit. They contact your creditors right away, and their set up fee is added into your monthly payment amount. Since they contact your creditors, there is no bad feelings or negative credit reports. They set up a freeze on all of the credit accounts that you are dealing with. Now with this freeze, not only can we not charge on the accounts, but the credit companies can not add late fees, over the limit fees, or interest on the accounts. The credit counselor negotiates with the creditors to drop your amounts down to almost a third of what you owe. The debt is usually paid off within a 5 year period. But the best part is that your credit rating is not damaged.

While I was talking with Mr. Jiru, he told me not to close my accounts but to leave them open while we are paying them off. It will show that we have a positive debt to income ratio. He also told me not to close any other accounts that we have that we are not using, as they also show that we are not just out to rack up credit and not pay. Mr. Jiru told me too, that if I contact the credit counselor today and tell them that I would like to start my payment plan in July, I can get things going right away. That means no annoying phone calls!! Woo hoo!!

I was feeling better after the phone call. So I jumped on the phone again and called the credit counselor. They were able to help right away. They took down all of the credit cards that we were dealing with, and their amounts owed. I was asked how much do I normally pay a month to the creditors and I told them about $1,500. I was put on hold for just a few moments, and the counselor came back and told me that they could bring my payments down to $642 a month!!! And that we will have them all paid within about 4 years!! I said sign us up! They were going to e-mail me a form to fill out and they would start the process right away.

I was feeling really good after that. I called Jim and let him know. He was excited as much as I was. Finally! We could get our life back into order again. I putted around the house picking up and cleaning. I blogged a little bit and was getting stuff ready to defrost for dinner. I was also getting excited to go to karate. I had purchased some sparring gear from a lady on Craigslist for $25. So I was going to take them to class and really beat on the instructors. LOL.

About 4pm I got a phone call from Jim. The van won't start. It started once but then died and won't start again. Great!! That's the last of our vehicles other than Jim's motorcycle. I can't really take mom and Kelly shopping on a motorcycle! So Jim called AAA for them to tow it to a shop we deal with. A friend brought Jim home. Now we wait. Now what?!?! We had just had a new fuel pump put in about a month ago, and it's acting like it's not working again. Needless to say, Jim was in a foul mood. Now we have to have the van fixed and we don't really have the money for that. If it is the fuel pump it's guaranteed but if it's not, I don't know what we are going to do.

Dinner consisted of pizza pretzels and chicken nuggets with ranch sauce. Not the healthiest of meals but I didn't want to cook after the news. So I am still dealing with my emotional eating. It gets so I don't even think about it if too much is going on. I HAVE to get my life back in order or I'm going to destroy everything I've worked so for.

To many stressors, or just too tired?

The day started at 5am, again. Since we now only have one car between Jim, mom, and myself, my days have become VERY long and stressful.

I had to put together Jim's breakfast and lunch, take a shower, dry and style my hair, get together all of mom's paperwork for Brown Bag, and get out of the house in just under an hour. Miraculously, I actually got everything done. I drove Jim to work, and then off to mom's house I go.

The chauffeuring bit for me has been going on since January of this year. My mom lives a good 45 minutes away from me, and whenever I have to take her and my sister somewhere, it usually takes all day. I can't leave her house any later than 3:15pm or I will be late to pick up Jim at work. The days I run late, he has to sit at the bar across the street until I get there. I know, geez what a burden that must be for Jim to undertake right?! Well it is really. When Jim has to wait at the bar, not only does it usually cost around 10+ dollars, but then either we eat dinner really late because I haven't been home to prepare something, or we end up eating out. Neither eating out or eating late is good for either of us, or our pocket book!!

However, I have promised to take care of my mom and now my sister when they need it. They live way out in the country, and with no car, they are stuck. Little things like going to the store, or just getting out of the house are a huge ordeal now because mom doesn't want to burden me. But I digress.

So I'm on my way to mom's house early in the morning with the radio blasting to try and drown out the thoughts running through my head. I normally don't mind, too much, about having to take them somewhere, but I am getting awful tired of trying to manage two households at a time. Not to mention, try and keep my weight loss journey heading in the right path. Sadly, the weight loss has been the first to be subsided.

As I walk in the door at mom's house, I am greeted by my sister, Kelly. Kelly is really amped up this morning. She is getting anxious about going to Brown Bag and then to see the doctor. When she is like this, mom has a hard time focusing on things that need to get done, and overall just thinking. To understand what it's like, try to imagine someone with A.D.D. that talks a thousand miles a minute, and none of the sentences make sense. On top of that you never know if she is going to burst into tears or have a fit of rage.

They finally finish getting ready, and we can now leave the house. About three quarters of the way to the church for Brown Bag, mom asks me to stop at the bank to check her balance. I checked and it was dangerously low. She was planning on eating out somewhere between Brown Bag and Kelly's doctor appointment. Mom started to panic a little bit. She doesn't want to borrow any more money from us, but she has no cash. I told her not to worry, I will take care of it and we will work it out later. Still in a state of frustration, mom is tearing her purse apart looking for some form of cash. We get half way through the parking lot and she finds some money. The atmosphere is calm again, or is it.

We pull into the parking lot of the church, and there are already people there for Brown Bag. Now we have arrived at the church at about 7:15am and the Brown Bag program doesn't start until 9am!! I told mom to just get in the church then lock the door so we could do the necessary paperwork for the days program. Okay that part done. Mom opens the door but can't remember the alarm code. She starts to panic again. Thankfully I remember the code and we were able to get inside before the alarm was set off. We finish up our paperwork, and now we can open the doors.

The Brown Bag program is a program for senior citizens to get food. They must be at least 60 years old, low income, and not more in a household of 2-3. They get some government food like canned tomatoes, rice, beans, and even sometimes meat like chicken or pork. Then they get some food from other places that have donated food to the FOODLINK program. It's really a nice program for those who need it. However, there are those that try and cheat the system. Anyway, the people that come to this are all different ethnicity's. My mom calls it her own little United Nations. LOL. But all in all everyone gets along. They all help put the food in the bags, set up the tables and chairs, and anything else that needs to be done. These are the elderly!!! I haven't seen many people my age do any of that!!

There were some church volunteers that couldn't make it for this month, so mom asked if I could help out. She had me doing the sign it portion. This is where they hand me their card and I have them sign a roster for both the FoodLink part and for the government part. I can normally do them on my own with no problem, but another church member showed up and was helping me. I was unfortunately a little faster than her so the lines got sort of long. But it all worked out for the time being. Then since the sign in's were slowing down, mom asked me to fill out the applications for the new people joining. Okay, so now I'm jumping back and forth between the sign in's and the applications. Whatever. If that wasn't bad enough, mom then asked me to update and make new applications for some people that hadn't been at the program for 6 months. I'm glad I'm good at multi-tasking.

The food truck was late bringing the food, so the whole bagging process was delayed. Brown Bag is supposed to end by 11am. That means that the food is all bagged, given out, and the church is cleaned up and locked up. The food truck didn't get there until 10:15am. We ran out of food to give away and had to make up some bags from stored surplus from other months. By the time we were all done it was 12:30pm.

This is a photo of mom handing out the bags to the people at Brown Bag.

Kelly's appointment is at 2:15 in Elk Grove, and we were in South Sacramento. Not to mention that we still had to eat. Trying to decide on where to eat took awhile since mom didn't want to eat to much and they wanted to make sure that we went someplace where I could eat healthy. That is all very nice, but that means a sit down restaurant. I mentioned BJ's, as they have a killer bowl of clam chowder and salad, all you can eat for $7.99. But I turned the wrong way off the freeway. So then we thought about Mimi's Cafe, they have this new portion of their menu that's called Just Enough. It is smaller and more healthy portions. Well on the way there, we saw Sizzler's. Perfect. I could get the salad bar, and a steak to take home to Jim for just under ten dollars. Mom got the same thing as I did only she ate her steak. We had to send mom's steak back because it was tough. I couldn't find our waitress so I took mom's steak back towards the kitchen. I found a waitress and asked if we could get another steak. No problem. Well with that then the staff and managers were all over us to make sure everything was okay. I would have never done that, however, when I was heavier. Kelly opted for the third pound burger with no salad bar.

We finished with lunch, and were off to the doctor. We got there a good fifty minutes early, so I took mom and Kelly to the Dollar Tree store. The Dollar Tree store is one of Kelly's favorite places to go. She can get almost anything there for just a little bit of money. I found her some soft instrumental music CD's and a large bottle of caffeine free root beer and she was happy as a clam. It was approaching time to go, and all of a sudden mom had to use the restroom. The Dollar Tree doesn't have a public restroom. Great! Mom hoofed it about five stores down to a La Bou to use the restroom. Well since Kelly didn't know where mom was she was starting to get anxious. I told her that there is no problem we'll find where she went. I called mom's cell phone and we found her. We finally get to the doctor's and we were actually a few minutes early. Kelly signed in and then we wait.

And we wait. And wait. And wait. Two hours later, the doctor finally sees Kelly. In the meantime, Kelly is getting more argumentative, angry, emotional, and anxious. When I say angry, it's not that she is angry at the doctor for being late. She's angry at the world! Everything bad that has ever happened in her life comes to the surface and she starts getting loud and vocal about it. The waiting room was full of patients too. Which makes Kelly that much more anxious. She thinks that everyone is looking at her and talking about her. Well the sad thing is that sometimes they are. To try and calm her down is pointless too, it just makes her worse. When you try and calm her down she thinks that you are picking on her and it makes her more argumentative and angry. So all we can do is to sit and try and bear it.

Since the doctor was so late, that puts me late for getting Jim. The doctor didn't even see Kelly until after 4:05pm. What is the point of having or making appointments when you don't get anywhere near the appointment time!!! When the doctor did see her it was only about a 7 minute appointment. So then I had to take mom and Kelly home which is about a half an hour away from the doctor. I get them home, unpacked from the shopping, and speed off to go pick Jim up at the bar. Now remember what I said about the bar? Well I had a soda with Jim and with tip the tab was almost twenty dollars.

By this time I am really tired and don't want to think about cooking anything. We head over to Logan's Roadhouse. Every time we have gone there, I always get something other than a steak. Yesterday, I got a steak!! I had eaten good and healthy all day long with a protein shake for breakfast, and a salad for lunch. It was time to eat some comfort food. I know this is not good for me, but if I watch it and eat sensibly I'll be ok. I was good and ordered water to drink, and no appetizer. I did however eat a yeast roll with a little bit of margarine, and it didn't get stuck!!! Not that I will gauge this as okay to do. I ordered a 10 oz steak with sauteed mushrooms and onion petals. Okay the onion petals were not good for me either. But I only ate like three of them. I also only ate about 4 oz of steak but I did eat the quarter of a cup of mushrooms. Yumm!! As Jim and I sat and winded down the day was taking a toll on me. I was thinking about the appointment I had for the next day to see what we could do with our finances, and it started to make me cry. Jim was trying his best to make me smile. He even licked the bowl that had his mac and cheese in. Before we left, Jim was going to have a balloon guy make me a flower from balloons to pick up my spirits. But the guy was busy so we went home.

I was feeling a little better, now that I was home but I still had to go out to deposit Kelly's check into the bank. She didn't get her check until after I brought them home, so I told mom I would put it in the bank for her. Jim and I left for the bank around 8pm I think. On the way home we saw a fantastic lightning storm. It was beautiful!! When we got home, I put on my CPAP machine, crawled under the covers and died. The day was over, finally.

Oh what a day!!!

How is that for a teaser photo?!?!?!

Saturday, Jim and I spent a wonderful day with some friends at a fundraiser. The fundraiser was for a high school athletic program. The cars that were there were absolutely beautiful!!! Half of the cars that were there, were guys that work with Jim at Cal Trans. The other half of the cars were people from a car club. To top it all off, Jim's boss, John Cassie, brought his dragster. Cassie still runs races with his dragster too, and he's really good. Should you like to go check him out with a lot of other awesome dragsters, you'll have to check out this race in Bakersfield.
Anyway it was a beautiful day, sunny with a nice breeze. We all sat around and watched the people go by. It was funny to watch. Most of the kids, (kids, I mean teenagers) didn't even pay any attention to the cars at all. It was most of their parents that were oohing and ahhing over the cars. Wow times have changed. When I was a kid, I would have sold my soul just to be around those cars!!! I'm now an adult and I think I would still sell my soul!!! LOL.

We were out at the high school from 8am till about 2pm. For the most part people were really respectful of the cars and didn't touch them. However there was a few that were leaning on the cars while they were looking at them. A couple of people and myself had to walk away before we rung their necks. YOU LOOK, DON'T TOUCH!!!

Jim and I had a blast talking to everyone on what they did to the cars, how long they have had them, what they put in them, etc. But I think the most fun was watching Cassie let the kids sit in the dragster.

Well without blabbing any further here's some photos of the cars!!

There is a silver lining

Today was kind of a ho hum day. I was motivated but on the other hand I wasn't. I didn't wake up until 8am this morning!!! Wow I must have been really tired. I didn't even think about eating breakfast until around 9am. As every morning I take my blood sugar reading, and I was very surprised that it was 83!!! It hasn't been that low in a long time.

I got some things done today, like picking up all of the empty bottles around and bag them up for recycling. I got some laundry done, and I found a lawn mower on line for my mom. I contacted the person and set up a time to take a look at it. I kept my eating within my dietary restraints almost all day. I have to admit I did have a little bit of sherbet in the afternoon but I stayed on track.

Jim got home and we drove out to look at the lawn mower, and they had a weedwacker too. They were both really nice units. I called mom to see which one she wanted, and she wanted them both!! I don't blame her. It will make her life a whole lot easier with keeping the yard in order. So we asked if they would drop $50 off if we bought both. They agreed. So we ran to the bank and got some more money out and bought them. Mom had her neighbor bring her out to our house to pick them up tonight so she could start right away.

While mom, Kelly, and Coleen, the neighbor were over here, I noticed that I had two new baby tomatoes!!! Woo Hoo!!! I also have some baby zucchini, bell peppers, and my cucumbers are blooming!!! Hee hee, my veggies are producing more than mom's.

Tonight was the intermediate karate class. I went with the intention of just having fun and not kicking myself if I don't do it perfect the first time. There were only a few of us there tonight, Olga, Christine, Carl, and myself. There is something about Christine, that really brings out the competitiveness in myself. So I had to fight really hard not to kick myself too hard. When I practice going over my blocks and such in front of the mirrors, I always look down. Christine kept telling me look up, look in the mirror. She finally asked my why I look down. I explained to her that I haven't looked at myself in the mirror for over ten years. It is very hard for me to see myself even after I have lost some weight. She suggested that I look up. I tried that but I could still see myself. So that is going to be one thing that I'm really going to have to work on.

Carl went over the same moves that we have been working on all last week. I felt fairly comfortable with them so I wasn't too self conscious. After class I was telling Carl that I wouldn't be there for Saturday's class, and he told me that he could tell that my practice was paying off. I was doing really well in class. That made me feel really good, especially since I am still off my game a little bit.

When I got home, I felt good enough to finally order my Gi. So hopefully in 7-10 days I will have my uniform and maybe I will feel even better about being in class. I won't be able to see my stomach so much. LOL. But all in all today was a day of small victories all the way around. If I can have more days like this, I think my self esteem will restore itself. One can only hope. If it is to be, it's up to me.

The consiquences of not following the rules

Yesterday was just another day of running errands. I picked up my mom and sister early in the morning and we headed out. I hadn't eaten yet, and they ate a couple of hours earlier, so mom suggested that we stop for some food. I have been totally off my diet so to speak for awhile now and was trying to get back on track. I was trying to think of where we could go that I would be able to eat within the "rules".


IHOP was on the way, not to mention it's their strawberry festival time. We pulled in and were quickly seated. Mom got some coffee and Kelly and I got water. No more juice for me. A glass of juice for me is the same as eating 3-4 oranges, so I haven't had juice since my surgery. It was time to order. Both mom and Kelly got the strawberry crepes and stuffed french toast. Oh what I would have given to have some of that. I ordered ham and eggs, only I got Egg Beaters as a substitute. I didn't pay attention to the fact that my breakfast came with pancakes. Our orders came out and boy they looked fantastic. Instantly, my head went to shovel it all in, eat it up quick. I was able to suppress those feelings and start on my meal. One of the rules of eating after Lap Band surgery, is to eat your protein first. I ate my Egg Beaters slowly, and chewed not quite 30 times but close enough. I was able to eat a little bit of my hash browns, little bit meaning two bites. I left the huge ham slice. I was already at my half a cup of food for a meal. But then I saw my pancakes just sitting there. Golden and fluffy with strawberries and their juice blanketing the tops and sides, and a white jewel of whipped cream topping the whole thing off. My mouth waters just thinking about it. A couple of bites won't hurt right? Wrong. I should have just boxed them up and looked away. Another rule after surgery is that you can no longer eat soft bread, pasta, rice, or any kind of carbs like that. So what do I do? Yep I ate a couple of bites. They got stuck.


What does it mean to have something get stuck? First of all it is very uncomfortable. The first signs that I know something is going to get stuck is that my nose starts to run. Nice huh. Then the pressure starts to build in my chest. I can only imagine that this is what it feels like to have a stroke or a mild heart attack. You can still breathe but the pressure stays no matter what you do. Then your mouth starts producing saliva to help move the food along. This is the worst part. Because something is stuck, the saliva can't help break down the food. The saliva turns into a problem. You can't swallow it because it just sits on top of the blockage. If you do swallow, it just keeps backing up in your throat until things move. What I mean by moving is either down into your stomach or back up. When it comes back up they call it a productive burp. It's not really a burp, it's an upchuck.


I lucked out and the pancakes moved down. But this whole process took a good five minutes. The only thing I could do is to just sit and wait for it to run it's course. The feelings after it's done is one of sweet release. You can quit tensing up, my temperature goes back down, and thankfully my nose quits dripping. I am sorry this has been so graphic, but this is a real life situation. These are things I have to deal with daily. Hence the reason to follow the rules of life after surgery.


I boxed up my ham, hash browns, and pancakes and we were off to another errand. OK now don't give me a hard time. The ham and hash browns are for Jim and the pancakes are for Shadow. No I wouldn't try the pancake thing again, at least not that day.


We finally finished our errands and it was time for lunch. Once again, where could we go that would be good food, I can't eat fast food anymore, but more than that, food I could eat. Mom and Kelly picked Mr. Perry's. The day was getting long and tiring. I was ready for it to be over. It was getting hot, the weather man said it was supposed to be 95 degrees, and my van doesn't have AC. We were all getting tired. The air conditioning in the restaurant felt good. We all placed our orders and sat back and tried to relax.


Now earlier I told you that I am not supposed to eat bread and such. Well, I'm not supposed to eat soft bread. It can be really toasted. That way the bread can not expand in my little pouch of a stomach. Which by the way, my stomach is the size of your thumb. So I ordered a toasted turkey, garlic, and cheese sandwich with tomato. Instead of french fries, I substituted cottage cheese. Our food came, and since I was tired, that same old shove it in feeling came back. I wanted to eat and go. Only this time I wasn't suppressing the urge. I took a bite, chewed it up, swallowed, and took another bite. I polished off 3 bites, and things got stuck! Since I was eating so quickly, I didn't pay attention to the warning signs. This time, things weren't going down. When this happens, I really don't have any control of when it's going to come up. I have to just pray I make it to the restroom in time. I made it to the restroom in time, but it is never a good feeling when this happens. I returned to our table, and was able to eat my cottage cheese. That was the end of my meal.

So there are still things that I have to overcome. I never really thought about how much mindless eating I really did. These instances that happened yesterday are not the first time I've had to deal with it. I guess I'm a slow learner. But the positive thing is that at least I am learning no matter how slow it is.

Memorial Day

I know this is a couple of days late, but I think that we should remember our brave men and women that serve our country every day. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have the freedom to write what I please on my BLOG, and we wouldn't have the freedoms that most of us take for granted. They give up so much to protect and keep our country the most desirable place to be, that in my opinion we should all humble ourselves and recognize it's them that make the sacrifices for us, not the other way around.

Now for the days festivities.....

The alarm bleats repeatedly as Jim and I stumble over each other, the dog, and anything else that is in the way. Man, it's 6am already?!?! Ohhhh, groan.....who's idea was it to get up early to go get mom and Kelly in the first place. Oh wait, it was mine. So the day begins.

We get out to mom's house around 8am. Unbelievably, they were ready to go!!! We packed up their stuff, the weedeater, and off we went. We pull into the driveway about an hour later. Jim heads off to grab the lawnmower and BBQ. Mom and Kelly start helping with some of the yard work while I run in and clean up with a shower. The big joke of the day was that they couldn't eat unless they did yard work. We were kidding but hey it worked anyway!!!

Here we have mom trying to find the edge of the lawn so we can try and use our edger so the lawn looks like we actually care about it. The funny thing about this is that she couldn't see good enough to see if she was getting to the edge of the concrete!!!!

Kelly is doing her darnedest to look like she is doing something important!! LOL. Actually she was trying to be mom's eyes without getting the grass clippings in her eyes. Luckily we have a small yard and she didn't have to supervise that long.









And last but definitely not least, is the uber supervisor, Jim. Mom kept cutting deeper and deeper into the lawn until the worms were ready to strike. Meanwhile Jim is trying to convince mom that what she's done is fine and that she can stop now. It wasn't until I came out and said let's go shopping that she actually quit. LOL.

Mom, Kelly, and myself hopped into the van and we hit the grocery store. Now I had almost everything done for the BBQ, but mom wanted to bring something. Since she has no car, I guess that means that I take her to the store. We picked up some veggies and some dips. I guess you could say I had a couple of dips already with me....but that's not fair they can't defend the comment, so I'll say it anyway. LOL. It only took us about an hour to get everything that we all needed, then we headed home.

Jim bless his heart, had the BBQ out and was cleaning it, and had set up the umbrella, table and chairs. Mom and I started preparing stuff to munch on, while Jim set Kelly up with a bunch of DVD's of Garth Brooks concerts. We got everything prepared and headed outside. The charcoals were getting hot, the ribs were soaking up the rub I put on them, and the veggies, chips and dips were getting consumed. I had pulled out my laptop to show mom and Kelly the photos of my brothers new home in Texas. Wholly cow is it a big house!!! Anyway, as we were sitting outside, Spencer pulls up with a Waldorf salad in hand, and his warm, friendly smile on his face.


We all sit around shooting the breeze, while waiting for the ribs to get done. As you can see, mom and Kelly are doing their best impressions of being dips. Didn't I warn you earlier?!?! LOL. We only sat around for a couple of hours before the ribs were done. Everyone pitched in and moved the munchies off the table to make room for the food!! As I took the ribs off the grill and threw on some zucchini, it was almost time to EAT.


Our menu consisted of:

• Ribs - 3 racks of pork ribs with a rub and sauce on the side.
• White corn on the cob with butter.
• Waldorf salad. Thanks again Spencer.
• Homemade mac and cheese, which sadly didn't taste all that good. There was no flavor and the cheese never really melted. Weird. Sorry everyone.
• Potato salad.
• Grilled zucchini - tossed in garlic olive oil and Parmesan cheese then grilled. Yummm.
• Brownies.
• And lastly, some orange and vanilla sherbet in colored ice cream cones.

After filling our bellies, we all sat around spending a wonderful day just talking and enjoying each others company.

Mom and Kelly enjoyed meeting Spencer, and we enjoyed having everyone together. I think this is going to be a start of a great way of living. What more could I ever want?! Good food, friends, family, and lots of fun.

It was a Memorial Day to remember. And to think I was worried that people wouldn't have a good time. Shows you how much I know eh? I am so glad I was proven wrong.

My insecurities

We are having a BBQ with friends and family on Memorial Day. Which for me is a fantastic way to spend a holiday. I get to cook like I like to cook, sit back and enjoy some quality time with people I love, and feel like I'm living a normal life.

The down side however, is that my own expectations of how things should appear is totally out of touch. Like I have said before, I am a horder. What that means is that I used to, and sometimes still do, buy things that make me momentarily happy but then never use them again. I do however still store, ok leave them lying around, until I can't take it anymore then I either box them up or give them away. But this doesn't happen very often.

So with that being said, you can imagine how my house looks. Well actually you probably can't, as to tell it doesn't even begin to get close to seeing it. Anyway, my head kicked in yesterday that I had to clean. Not just because Spencer has never seen my house, but because people were coming over. I hate to have service people come over because the house is such a mess. I know, you ask, if the house is in such disarray why not just clean it. You have to understand that most of these items, even though it was momentary happiness, still hold emotions for me. It's like giving up photos of loved ones. It is really a sickness, but I won't allow myself to get that bad. So in a way I guess I have it under control. Not to mention, that there is a ton of stuff to go through. I really don't know where to start. It's overwhelming.

Now it's time to clean. Where do I start? Okay, the necessary places first, the kitchen and the bathroom. Jim, bless his heart scrubbed the toilet for me without being asked. That shows you what kind of man I married!! I started on the kitchen. Wholly cow!!!! I haven't seen my kitchen table for years and now I expect to have my kitchen spotless?!?!?! But I continue to clean. Wash all of the dishes, countertops, etc. It took me all day and even though Jim says he can see a difference I can't. Because it is not done, it doesn't look any different in my eyes.

I had to take a break from cleaning, so I decided I'd do some laundry. Let the washer do some heavy lifting for awhile. LOL. But I couldn't stay away for long. I had to go back in and keep going.

Our meals yesterday were pathetic also. Since I was so focused on cleaning, I didn't want to think about eating. I didn't want to eat out either because that costs money that we don't need to spend. So breakfast was a bowl of cereal and a banana. Lunch was egg salad sandwiches, and dinner was leftover lemon chicken (which got better the longer it sat), and some leftover potatoes. Not very healthy, but I was working off the calories scrubbing.

I did however get some things done for the BBQ!! I made the potato salad, brownies, crystal light, iced tea, got the corn shucked, made the rub for the ribs and got the ribs defrosted!! Woo hoo. I actually felt like I was superwoman there for awhile. LOL. But I am bound and determined to be able to spend time with my company and not be like a 50's housewife that is always in the kitchen. Although I do have that same mentality. I am a people pleaser and if I don't think things are going to be just perfect for everyone else, I will work myself to the bone (and have done this many a time). But I digress. I had to quit at 8pm last night, I was just too tired.

I know my house is not going to turn people away. They are here to see us not my house. But still I can't get that thought out of my mind that they will be repulsed at how I live. The BBQ is going to be held outside even, but the thoughts are still there. I'm not sure if I will ever get over these feelings even after I lose the weight and have control of the house. I think I will always be over critical of myself and how I appear to others. Don't get me wrong, I never portray to be someone I'm not. That just isn't how I am. But I always want people to see the best of me and not the vulnerable, insecure me. It's like putting on a happy face because you don't want others around you to either notice or you don't want to bring them down either. So for now, I'm going to try and suppress these feelings and have a good time. I know I'll have a good time, I'm with the people I love.

The greatest way to finish an evening

While the hubby and I vegetate at home, the phone rang. To my pleasant surprise it was Spencer. Spencer is a fellow student in the karate classes, but more so, he is a good friend. He asked what we were up to and if we would like to join him in going to the movies tonight. Wow the last time Jim and I were at a movie was about two years ago. Yep, it's been that long. So naturally we said yes.

We agreed to go see Terminator Salvation. I was sort of reserved with my opinion of weather or not I would like it. The other previous ones were kind of cheesy. I was pleasantly surprised though. It was actually pretty good. The soundtrack would be awesome, and the naked remake of Arnold wasn't bad either. Hee hee. *Blushes*

We had a great time. The company was great and being out again was a nice change. We ended our evening with plans to see each other again on Monday. We are having a BBQ with my mom, sister, and Spencer. It has been so long since we have done anything like this, that it feels almost like a first date. You know how you get anxious, jittery with excitement, nervous that everything is going to go ok. But I think the best part is going to be spending time with family and friends.

I can't believe that it's 10:30pm and we are still awake. LOL. (laugh out loud). Shadow is glad we are home, and she's telling us it's time for bed as she climbs under the covers. So with this I bid you a good night, while I dream happy thoughts of today's occurrences.

A huge boost to my ego

I have been feeling a little down lately with the bills piling up and just life happening. Although I have been going to my karate classes, I don't feel like I have been consciously there. I watch and pay attention to the instructor but the wiring from my head to my body, I think, needs to be rebooted. Better yet it needs to be defraged, (that is when you have your computer put all the files, and misc items, back in order). Let me tell you the files and misc items are really out of order in my head right now.

Today was the self defense class. About an hour and a half before class I was trying to talk myself into going or not going today. I was weighing my pros and cons. Well, no matter how much I may not feel like going, the karate is the one thing that brings me happiness. So I grabbed my things and off to the gym I went.

When I arrived at the gym, there was only one other student there. I walked in, took off my shoes and started my stretching. It was five after eleven and no instructor. The other student asked if I would mind starting the class with the basic blocks. I agreed. It didn't hurt that she said she likes learning from me too. There were two other ladies that were there, and low and behold, they were there for the class too!! We lined up and I started the instruction. I had to make sure that I remembered the exact way that I was taught. I would never forgive myself if I taught them wrong!

We got in a couple of runs on the blocks and Carl, the instructor, shows up. He thanked me for taking over and starting the class. I had to tell him that it was the other ladies that asked me to do it. I fell back into line and we preceded with the class. After we brought out the mats, Carl asked me to help him teach the class. Oh wow, I could feel my heart leap!!

Carl would show the new students the steps one by one, and then they would come over to me for practice. Meanwhile, Carl would continue working the students that weren't working with me. The only down side to this whole thing is that I didn't really get to practice myself. Thankfully I knew the moves and was able to help them out.

After class, Carl thanked me again for helping, and one of the students asked me if I could help her a little bit more. Of course I said yes! We went through the five basic blocks and I was able to help her clean up her form a little bit. She was very thankful and so was I.

I felt like I was walking on clouds after class. The biggest accomplishment though, other than helping with the class, was I saw myself in the mirror. Now I haven't looked at myself in a mirror for years. If I did look in a mirror, it was from my shoulders up. But this time I saw myself. I saw that my stomach still has a skirt of fat on it, it jiggles back and forth when I move, and it didn't make me want to cry. I am learning to accept myself. However the previous compliments on teaching the class helped too.

So now I am motivated to get back on track. I will hold these good thoughts with me always, and pull them back out should I have a low day. One step at a time, my life will once again by mine.

So never give up, even though things may be tough. There is an open door somewhere and when you are ready to go through it, you will find it.

Did anyone really think this through?!?

New Bra Boosts Women's Cleavage When She's in the Mood
A new, ‘smart’ bra that boosts a woman’s cleavage when she feels sexy is being tested by lingerie designers.
The bra detects changes in body temperature brought on by sexual arousal and squeezes breasts together to create bigger cleavage.
“As a woman’s body changes, so does the size of the bra,” said designer Suzana Gorisek from Slovenia Lisca. “That’s the advantage of this bra.”
The lingerie company is one of the largest lingerie producers in Eastern Europe. Donald Trump’s wife, Melania Knauss, was once its star model.
The bra is already on show at Europe’s largest lingerie event in Paris and is due to hit the streets of Britain this summer.

Ok, as I hear it, the way this works is by heat. When women get aroused your temp. rises. So what is going to happen when you wear it in the summer?!?!?! Outside you have huge boobs, inside in the AC you go back to a size A!!! Not to mention your shirt droops and shows your navel. LOL.

I can't believe what people are coming up with. Now tell me the truth....would you buy and wear one of these?!?!?!