To many stressors, or just too tired?

The day started at 5am, again. Since we now only have one car between Jim, mom, and myself, my days have become VERY long and stressful.

I had to put together Jim's breakfast and lunch, take a shower, dry and style my hair, get together all of mom's paperwork for Brown Bag, and get out of the house in just under an hour. Miraculously, I actually got everything done. I drove Jim to work, and then off to mom's house I go.

The chauffeuring bit for me has been going on since January of this year. My mom lives a good 45 minutes away from me, and whenever I have to take her and my sister somewhere, it usually takes all day. I can't leave her house any later than 3:15pm or I will be late to pick up Jim at work. The days I run late, he has to sit at the bar across the street until I get there. I know, geez what a burden that must be for Jim to undertake right?! Well it is really. When Jim has to wait at the bar, not only does it usually cost around 10+ dollars, but then either we eat dinner really late because I haven't been home to prepare something, or we end up eating out. Neither eating out or eating late is good for either of us, or our pocket book!!

However, I have promised to take care of my mom and now my sister when they need it. They live way out in the country, and with no car, they are stuck. Little things like going to the store, or just getting out of the house are a huge ordeal now because mom doesn't want to burden me. But I digress.

So I'm on my way to mom's house early in the morning with the radio blasting to try and drown out the thoughts running through my head. I normally don't mind, too much, about having to take them somewhere, but I am getting awful tired of trying to manage two households at a time. Not to mention, try and keep my weight loss journey heading in the right path. Sadly, the weight loss has been the first to be subsided.

As I walk in the door at mom's house, I am greeted by my sister, Kelly. Kelly is really amped up this morning. She is getting anxious about going to Brown Bag and then to see the doctor. When she is like this, mom has a hard time focusing on things that need to get done, and overall just thinking. To understand what it's like, try to imagine someone with A.D.D. that talks a thousand miles a minute, and none of the sentences make sense. On top of that you never know if she is going to burst into tears or have a fit of rage.

They finally finish getting ready, and we can now leave the house. About three quarters of the way to the church for Brown Bag, mom asks me to stop at the bank to check her balance. I checked and it was dangerously low. She was planning on eating out somewhere between Brown Bag and Kelly's doctor appointment. Mom started to panic a little bit. She doesn't want to borrow any more money from us, but she has no cash. I told her not to worry, I will take care of it and we will work it out later. Still in a state of frustration, mom is tearing her purse apart looking for some form of cash. We get half way through the parking lot and she finds some money. The atmosphere is calm again, or is it.

We pull into the parking lot of the church, and there are already people there for Brown Bag. Now we have arrived at the church at about 7:15am and the Brown Bag program doesn't start until 9am!! I told mom to just get in the church then lock the door so we could do the necessary paperwork for the days program. Okay that part done. Mom opens the door but can't remember the alarm code. She starts to panic again. Thankfully I remember the code and we were able to get inside before the alarm was set off. We finish up our paperwork, and now we can open the doors.

The Brown Bag program is a program for senior citizens to get food. They must be at least 60 years old, low income, and not more in a household of 2-3. They get some government food like canned tomatoes, rice, beans, and even sometimes meat like chicken or pork. Then they get some food from other places that have donated food to the FOODLINK program. It's really a nice program for those who need it. However, there are those that try and cheat the system. Anyway, the people that come to this are all different ethnicity's. My mom calls it her own little United Nations. LOL. But all in all everyone gets along. They all help put the food in the bags, set up the tables and chairs, and anything else that needs to be done. These are the elderly!!! I haven't seen many people my age do any of that!!

There were some church volunteers that couldn't make it for this month, so mom asked if I could help out. She had me doing the sign it portion. This is where they hand me their card and I have them sign a roster for both the FoodLink part and for the government part. I can normally do them on my own with no problem, but another church member showed up and was helping me. I was unfortunately a little faster than her so the lines got sort of long. But it all worked out for the time being. Then since the sign in's were slowing down, mom asked me to fill out the applications for the new people joining. Okay, so now I'm jumping back and forth between the sign in's and the applications. Whatever. If that wasn't bad enough, mom then asked me to update and make new applications for some people that hadn't been at the program for 6 months. I'm glad I'm good at multi-tasking.

The food truck was late bringing the food, so the whole bagging process was delayed. Brown Bag is supposed to end by 11am. That means that the food is all bagged, given out, and the church is cleaned up and locked up. The food truck didn't get there until 10:15am. We ran out of food to give away and had to make up some bags from stored surplus from other months. By the time we were all done it was 12:30pm.

This is a photo of mom handing out the bags to the people at Brown Bag.

Kelly's appointment is at 2:15 in Elk Grove, and we were in South Sacramento. Not to mention that we still had to eat. Trying to decide on where to eat took awhile since mom didn't want to eat to much and they wanted to make sure that we went someplace where I could eat healthy. That is all very nice, but that means a sit down restaurant. I mentioned BJ's, as they have a killer bowl of clam chowder and salad, all you can eat for $7.99. But I turned the wrong way off the freeway. So then we thought about Mimi's Cafe, they have this new portion of their menu that's called Just Enough. It is smaller and more healthy portions. Well on the way there, we saw Sizzler's. Perfect. I could get the salad bar, and a steak to take home to Jim for just under ten dollars. Mom got the same thing as I did only she ate her steak. We had to send mom's steak back because it was tough. I couldn't find our waitress so I took mom's steak back towards the kitchen. I found a waitress and asked if we could get another steak. No problem. Well with that then the staff and managers were all over us to make sure everything was okay. I would have never done that, however, when I was heavier. Kelly opted for the third pound burger with no salad bar.

We finished with lunch, and were off to the doctor. We got there a good fifty minutes early, so I took mom and Kelly to the Dollar Tree store. The Dollar Tree store is one of Kelly's favorite places to go. She can get almost anything there for just a little bit of money. I found her some soft instrumental music CD's and a large bottle of caffeine free root beer and she was happy as a clam. It was approaching time to go, and all of a sudden mom had to use the restroom. The Dollar Tree doesn't have a public restroom. Great! Mom hoofed it about five stores down to a La Bou to use the restroom. Well since Kelly didn't know where mom was she was starting to get anxious. I told her that there is no problem we'll find where she went. I called mom's cell phone and we found her. We finally get to the doctor's and we were actually a few minutes early. Kelly signed in and then we wait.

And we wait. And wait. And wait. Two hours later, the doctor finally sees Kelly. In the meantime, Kelly is getting more argumentative, angry, emotional, and anxious. When I say angry, it's not that she is angry at the doctor for being late. She's angry at the world! Everything bad that has ever happened in her life comes to the surface and she starts getting loud and vocal about it. The waiting room was full of patients too. Which makes Kelly that much more anxious. She thinks that everyone is looking at her and talking about her. Well the sad thing is that sometimes they are. To try and calm her down is pointless too, it just makes her worse. When you try and calm her down she thinks that you are picking on her and it makes her more argumentative and angry. So all we can do is to sit and try and bear it.

Since the doctor was so late, that puts me late for getting Jim. The doctor didn't even see Kelly until after 4:05pm. What is the point of having or making appointments when you don't get anywhere near the appointment time!!! When the doctor did see her it was only about a 7 minute appointment. So then I had to take mom and Kelly home which is about a half an hour away from the doctor. I get them home, unpacked from the shopping, and speed off to go pick Jim up at the bar. Now remember what I said about the bar? Well I had a soda with Jim and with tip the tab was almost twenty dollars.

By this time I am really tired and don't want to think about cooking anything. We head over to Logan's Roadhouse. Every time we have gone there, I always get something other than a steak. Yesterday, I got a steak!! I had eaten good and healthy all day long with a protein shake for breakfast, and a salad for lunch. It was time to eat some comfort food. I know this is not good for me, but if I watch it and eat sensibly I'll be ok. I was good and ordered water to drink, and no appetizer. I did however eat a yeast roll with a little bit of margarine, and it didn't get stuck!!! Not that I will gauge this as okay to do. I ordered a 10 oz steak with sauteed mushrooms and onion petals. Okay the onion petals were not good for me either. But I only ate like three of them. I also only ate about 4 oz of steak but I did eat the quarter of a cup of mushrooms. Yumm!! As Jim and I sat and winded down the day was taking a toll on me. I was thinking about the appointment I had for the next day to see what we could do with our finances, and it started to make me cry. Jim was trying his best to make me smile. He even licked the bowl that had his mac and cheese in. Before we left, Jim was going to have a balloon guy make me a flower from balloons to pick up my spirits. But the guy was busy so we went home.

I was feeling a little better, now that I was home but I still had to go out to deposit Kelly's check into the bank. She didn't get her check until after I brought them home, so I told mom I would put it in the bank for her. Jim and I left for the bank around 8pm I think. On the way home we saw a fantastic lightning storm. It was beautiful!! When we got home, I put on my CPAP machine, crawled under the covers and died. The day was over, finally.

Oh what a day!!!

How is that for a teaser photo?!?!?!

Saturday, Jim and I spent a wonderful day with some friends at a fundraiser. The fundraiser was for a high school athletic program. The cars that were there were absolutely beautiful!!! Half of the cars that were there, were guys that work with Jim at Cal Trans. The other half of the cars were people from a car club. To top it all off, Jim's boss, John Cassie, brought his dragster. Cassie still runs races with his dragster too, and he's really good. Should you like to go check him out with a lot of other awesome dragsters, you'll have to check out this race in Bakersfield.
Anyway it was a beautiful day, sunny with a nice breeze. We all sat around and watched the people go by. It was funny to watch. Most of the kids, (kids, I mean teenagers) didn't even pay any attention to the cars at all. It was most of their parents that were oohing and ahhing over the cars. Wow times have changed. When I was a kid, I would have sold my soul just to be around those cars!!! I'm now an adult and I think I would still sell my soul!!! LOL.

We were out at the high school from 8am till about 2pm. For the most part people were really respectful of the cars and didn't touch them. However there was a few that were leaning on the cars while they were looking at them. A couple of people and myself had to walk away before we rung their necks. YOU LOOK, DON'T TOUCH!!!

Jim and I had a blast talking to everyone on what they did to the cars, how long they have had them, what they put in them, etc. But I think the most fun was watching Cassie let the kids sit in the dragster.

Well without blabbing any further here's some photos of the cars!!

There is a silver lining

Today was kind of a ho hum day. I was motivated but on the other hand I wasn't. I didn't wake up until 8am this morning!!! Wow I must have been really tired. I didn't even think about eating breakfast until around 9am. As every morning I take my blood sugar reading, and I was very surprised that it was 83!!! It hasn't been that low in a long time.

I got some things done today, like picking up all of the empty bottles around and bag them up for recycling. I got some laundry done, and I found a lawn mower on line for my mom. I contacted the person and set up a time to take a look at it. I kept my eating within my dietary restraints almost all day. I have to admit I did have a little bit of sherbet in the afternoon but I stayed on track.

Jim got home and we drove out to look at the lawn mower, and they had a weedwacker too. They were both really nice units. I called mom to see which one she wanted, and she wanted them both!! I don't blame her. It will make her life a whole lot easier with keeping the yard in order. So we asked if they would drop $50 off if we bought both. They agreed. So we ran to the bank and got some more money out and bought them. Mom had her neighbor bring her out to our house to pick them up tonight so she could start right away.

While mom, Kelly, and Coleen, the neighbor were over here, I noticed that I had two new baby tomatoes!!! Woo Hoo!!! I also have some baby zucchini, bell peppers, and my cucumbers are blooming!!! Hee hee, my veggies are producing more than mom's.

Tonight was the intermediate karate class. I went with the intention of just having fun and not kicking myself if I don't do it perfect the first time. There were only a few of us there tonight, Olga, Christine, Carl, and myself. There is something about Christine, that really brings out the competitiveness in myself. So I had to fight really hard not to kick myself too hard. When I practice going over my blocks and such in front of the mirrors, I always look down. Christine kept telling me look up, look in the mirror. She finally asked my why I look down. I explained to her that I haven't looked at myself in the mirror for over ten years. It is very hard for me to see myself even after I have lost some weight. She suggested that I look up. I tried that but I could still see myself. So that is going to be one thing that I'm really going to have to work on.

Carl went over the same moves that we have been working on all last week. I felt fairly comfortable with them so I wasn't too self conscious. After class I was telling Carl that I wouldn't be there for Saturday's class, and he told me that he could tell that my practice was paying off. I was doing really well in class. That made me feel really good, especially since I am still off my game a little bit.

When I got home, I felt good enough to finally order my Gi. So hopefully in 7-10 days I will have my uniform and maybe I will feel even better about being in class. I won't be able to see my stomach so much. LOL. But all in all today was a day of small victories all the way around. If I can have more days like this, I think my self esteem will restore itself. One can only hope. If it is to be, it's up to me.

The consiquences of not following the rules

Yesterday was just another day of running errands. I picked up my mom and sister early in the morning and we headed out. I hadn't eaten yet, and they ate a couple of hours earlier, so mom suggested that we stop for some food. I have been totally off my diet so to speak for awhile now and was trying to get back on track. I was trying to think of where we could go that I would be able to eat within the "rules".


IHOP was on the way, not to mention it's their strawberry festival time. We pulled in and were quickly seated. Mom got some coffee and Kelly and I got water. No more juice for me. A glass of juice for me is the same as eating 3-4 oranges, so I haven't had juice since my surgery. It was time to order. Both mom and Kelly got the strawberry crepes and stuffed french toast. Oh what I would have given to have some of that. I ordered ham and eggs, only I got Egg Beaters as a substitute. I didn't pay attention to the fact that my breakfast came with pancakes. Our orders came out and boy they looked fantastic. Instantly, my head went to shovel it all in, eat it up quick. I was able to suppress those feelings and start on my meal. One of the rules of eating after Lap Band surgery, is to eat your protein first. I ate my Egg Beaters slowly, and chewed not quite 30 times but close enough. I was able to eat a little bit of my hash browns, little bit meaning two bites. I left the huge ham slice. I was already at my half a cup of food for a meal. But then I saw my pancakes just sitting there. Golden and fluffy with strawberries and their juice blanketing the tops and sides, and a white jewel of whipped cream topping the whole thing off. My mouth waters just thinking about it. A couple of bites won't hurt right? Wrong. I should have just boxed them up and looked away. Another rule after surgery is that you can no longer eat soft bread, pasta, rice, or any kind of carbs like that. So what do I do? Yep I ate a couple of bites. They got stuck.


What does it mean to have something get stuck? First of all it is very uncomfortable. The first signs that I know something is going to get stuck is that my nose starts to run. Nice huh. Then the pressure starts to build in my chest. I can only imagine that this is what it feels like to have a stroke or a mild heart attack. You can still breathe but the pressure stays no matter what you do. Then your mouth starts producing saliva to help move the food along. This is the worst part. Because something is stuck, the saliva can't help break down the food. The saliva turns into a problem. You can't swallow it because it just sits on top of the blockage. If you do swallow, it just keeps backing up in your throat until things move. What I mean by moving is either down into your stomach or back up. When it comes back up they call it a productive burp. It's not really a burp, it's an upchuck.


I lucked out and the pancakes moved down. But this whole process took a good five minutes. The only thing I could do is to just sit and wait for it to run it's course. The feelings after it's done is one of sweet release. You can quit tensing up, my temperature goes back down, and thankfully my nose quits dripping. I am sorry this has been so graphic, but this is a real life situation. These are things I have to deal with daily. Hence the reason to follow the rules of life after surgery.


I boxed up my ham, hash browns, and pancakes and we were off to another errand. OK now don't give me a hard time. The ham and hash browns are for Jim and the pancakes are for Shadow. No I wouldn't try the pancake thing again, at least not that day.


We finally finished our errands and it was time for lunch. Once again, where could we go that would be good food, I can't eat fast food anymore, but more than that, food I could eat. Mom and Kelly picked Mr. Perry's. The day was getting long and tiring. I was ready for it to be over. It was getting hot, the weather man said it was supposed to be 95 degrees, and my van doesn't have AC. We were all getting tired. The air conditioning in the restaurant felt good. We all placed our orders and sat back and tried to relax.


Now earlier I told you that I am not supposed to eat bread and such. Well, I'm not supposed to eat soft bread. It can be really toasted. That way the bread can not expand in my little pouch of a stomach. Which by the way, my stomach is the size of your thumb. So I ordered a toasted turkey, garlic, and cheese sandwich with tomato. Instead of french fries, I substituted cottage cheese. Our food came, and since I was tired, that same old shove it in feeling came back. I wanted to eat and go. Only this time I wasn't suppressing the urge. I took a bite, chewed it up, swallowed, and took another bite. I polished off 3 bites, and things got stuck! Since I was eating so quickly, I didn't pay attention to the warning signs. This time, things weren't going down. When this happens, I really don't have any control of when it's going to come up. I have to just pray I make it to the restroom in time. I made it to the restroom in time, but it is never a good feeling when this happens. I returned to our table, and was able to eat my cottage cheese. That was the end of my meal.

So there are still things that I have to overcome. I never really thought about how much mindless eating I really did. These instances that happened yesterday are not the first time I've had to deal with it. I guess I'm a slow learner. But the positive thing is that at least I am learning no matter how slow it is.

Memorial Day

I know this is a couple of days late, but I think that we should remember our brave men and women that serve our country every day. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have the freedom to write what I please on my BLOG, and we wouldn't have the freedoms that most of us take for granted. They give up so much to protect and keep our country the most desirable place to be, that in my opinion we should all humble ourselves and recognize it's them that make the sacrifices for us, not the other way around.

Now for the days festivities.....

The alarm bleats repeatedly as Jim and I stumble over each other, the dog, and anything else that is in the way. Man, it's 6am already?!?! Ohhhh, groan.....who's idea was it to get up early to go get mom and Kelly in the first place. Oh wait, it was mine. So the day begins.

We get out to mom's house around 8am. Unbelievably, they were ready to go!!! We packed up their stuff, the weedeater, and off we went. We pull into the driveway about an hour later. Jim heads off to grab the lawnmower and BBQ. Mom and Kelly start helping with some of the yard work while I run in and clean up with a shower. The big joke of the day was that they couldn't eat unless they did yard work. We were kidding but hey it worked anyway!!!

Here we have mom trying to find the edge of the lawn so we can try and use our edger so the lawn looks like we actually care about it. The funny thing about this is that she couldn't see good enough to see if she was getting to the edge of the concrete!!!!

Kelly is doing her darnedest to look like she is doing something important!! LOL. Actually she was trying to be mom's eyes without getting the grass clippings in her eyes. Luckily we have a small yard and she didn't have to supervise that long.









And last but definitely not least, is the uber supervisor, Jim. Mom kept cutting deeper and deeper into the lawn until the worms were ready to strike. Meanwhile Jim is trying to convince mom that what she's done is fine and that she can stop now. It wasn't until I came out and said let's go shopping that she actually quit. LOL.

Mom, Kelly, and myself hopped into the van and we hit the grocery store. Now I had almost everything done for the BBQ, but mom wanted to bring something. Since she has no car, I guess that means that I take her to the store. We picked up some veggies and some dips. I guess you could say I had a couple of dips already with me....but that's not fair they can't defend the comment, so I'll say it anyway. LOL. It only took us about an hour to get everything that we all needed, then we headed home.

Jim bless his heart, had the BBQ out and was cleaning it, and had set up the umbrella, table and chairs. Mom and I started preparing stuff to munch on, while Jim set Kelly up with a bunch of DVD's of Garth Brooks concerts. We got everything prepared and headed outside. The charcoals were getting hot, the ribs were soaking up the rub I put on them, and the veggies, chips and dips were getting consumed. I had pulled out my laptop to show mom and Kelly the photos of my brothers new home in Texas. Wholly cow is it a big house!!! Anyway, as we were sitting outside, Spencer pulls up with a Waldorf salad in hand, and his warm, friendly smile on his face.


We all sit around shooting the breeze, while waiting for the ribs to get done. As you can see, mom and Kelly are doing their best impressions of being dips. Didn't I warn you earlier?!?! LOL. We only sat around for a couple of hours before the ribs were done. Everyone pitched in and moved the munchies off the table to make room for the food!! As I took the ribs off the grill and threw on some zucchini, it was almost time to EAT.


Our menu consisted of:

• Ribs - 3 racks of pork ribs with a rub and sauce on the side.
• White corn on the cob with butter.
• Waldorf salad. Thanks again Spencer.
• Homemade mac and cheese, which sadly didn't taste all that good. There was no flavor and the cheese never really melted. Weird. Sorry everyone.
• Potato salad.
• Grilled zucchini - tossed in garlic olive oil and Parmesan cheese then grilled. Yummm.
• Brownies.
• And lastly, some orange and vanilla sherbet in colored ice cream cones.

After filling our bellies, we all sat around spending a wonderful day just talking and enjoying each others company.

Mom and Kelly enjoyed meeting Spencer, and we enjoyed having everyone together. I think this is going to be a start of a great way of living. What more could I ever want?! Good food, friends, family, and lots of fun.

It was a Memorial Day to remember. And to think I was worried that people wouldn't have a good time. Shows you how much I know eh? I am so glad I was proven wrong.

My insecurities

We are having a BBQ with friends and family on Memorial Day. Which for me is a fantastic way to spend a holiday. I get to cook like I like to cook, sit back and enjoy some quality time with people I love, and feel like I'm living a normal life.

The down side however, is that my own expectations of how things should appear is totally out of touch. Like I have said before, I am a horder. What that means is that I used to, and sometimes still do, buy things that make me momentarily happy but then never use them again. I do however still store, ok leave them lying around, until I can't take it anymore then I either box them up or give them away. But this doesn't happen very often.

So with that being said, you can imagine how my house looks. Well actually you probably can't, as to tell it doesn't even begin to get close to seeing it. Anyway, my head kicked in yesterday that I had to clean. Not just because Spencer has never seen my house, but because people were coming over. I hate to have service people come over because the house is such a mess. I know, you ask, if the house is in such disarray why not just clean it. You have to understand that most of these items, even though it was momentary happiness, still hold emotions for me. It's like giving up photos of loved ones. It is really a sickness, but I won't allow myself to get that bad. So in a way I guess I have it under control. Not to mention, that there is a ton of stuff to go through. I really don't know where to start. It's overwhelming.

Now it's time to clean. Where do I start? Okay, the necessary places first, the kitchen and the bathroom. Jim, bless his heart scrubbed the toilet for me without being asked. That shows you what kind of man I married!! I started on the kitchen. Wholly cow!!!! I haven't seen my kitchen table for years and now I expect to have my kitchen spotless?!?!?! But I continue to clean. Wash all of the dishes, countertops, etc. It took me all day and even though Jim says he can see a difference I can't. Because it is not done, it doesn't look any different in my eyes.

I had to take a break from cleaning, so I decided I'd do some laundry. Let the washer do some heavy lifting for awhile. LOL. But I couldn't stay away for long. I had to go back in and keep going.

Our meals yesterday were pathetic also. Since I was so focused on cleaning, I didn't want to think about eating. I didn't want to eat out either because that costs money that we don't need to spend. So breakfast was a bowl of cereal and a banana. Lunch was egg salad sandwiches, and dinner was leftover lemon chicken (which got better the longer it sat), and some leftover potatoes. Not very healthy, but I was working off the calories scrubbing.

I did however get some things done for the BBQ!! I made the potato salad, brownies, crystal light, iced tea, got the corn shucked, made the rub for the ribs and got the ribs defrosted!! Woo hoo. I actually felt like I was superwoman there for awhile. LOL. But I am bound and determined to be able to spend time with my company and not be like a 50's housewife that is always in the kitchen. Although I do have that same mentality. I am a people pleaser and if I don't think things are going to be just perfect for everyone else, I will work myself to the bone (and have done this many a time). But I digress. I had to quit at 8pm last night, I was just too tired.

I know my house is not going to turn people away. They are here to see us not my house. But still I can't get that thought out of my mind that they will be repulsed at how I live. The BBQ is going to be held outside even, but the thoughts are still there. I'm not sure if I will ever get over these feelings even after I lose the weight and have control of the house. I think I will always be over critical of myself and how I appear to others. Don't get me wrong, I never portray to be someone I'm not. That just isn't how I am. But I always want people to see the best of me and not the vulnerable, insecure me. It's like putting on a happy face because you don't want others around you to either notice or you don't want to bring them down either. So for now, I'm going to try and suppress these feelings and have a good time. I know I'll have a good time, I'm with the people I love.

The greatest way to finish an evening

While the hubby and I vegetate at home, the phone rang. To my pleasant surprise it was Spencer. Spencer is a fellow student in the karate classes, but more so, he is a good friend. He asked what we were up to and if we would like to join him in going to the movies tonight. Wow the last time Jim and I were at a movie was about two years ago. Yep, it's been that long. So naturally we said yes.

We agreed to go see Terminator Salvation. I was sort of reserved with my opinion of weather or not I would like it. The other previous ones were kind of cheesy. I was pleasantly surprised though. It was actually pretty good. The soundtrack would be awesome, and the naked remake of Arnold wasn't bad either. Hee hee. *Blushes*

We had a great time. The company was great and being out again was a nice change. We ended our evening with plans to see each other again on Monday. We are having a BBQ with my mom, sister, and Spencer. It has been so long since we have done anything like this, that it feels almost like a first date. You know how you get anxious, jittery with excitement, nervous that everything is going to go ok. But I think the best part is going to be spending time with family and friends.

I can't believe that it's 10:30pm and we are still awake. LOL. (laugh out loud). Shadow is glad we are home, and she's telling us it's time for bed as she climbs under the covers. So with this I bid you a good night, while I dream happy thoughts of today's occurrences.

A huge boost to my ego

I have been feeling a little down lately with the bills piling up and just life happening. Although I have been going to my karate classes, I don't feel like I have been consciously there. I watch and pay attention to the instructor but the wiring from my head to my body, I think, needs to be rebooted. Better yet it needs to be defraged, (that is when you have your computer put all the files, and misc items, back in order). Let me tell you the files and misc items are really out of order in my head right now.

Today was the self defense class. About an hour and a half before class I was trying to talk myself into going or not going today. I was weighing my pros and cons. Well, no matter how much I may not feel like going, the karate is the one thing that brings me happiness. So I grabbed my things and off to the gym I went.

When I arrived at the gym, there was only one other student there. I walked in, took off my shoes and started my stretching. It was five after eleven and no instructor. The other student asked if I would mind starting the class with the basic blocks. I agreed. It didn't hurt that she said she likes learning from me too. There were two other ladies that were there, and low and behold, they were there for the class too!! We lined up and I started the instruction. I had to make sure that I remembered the exact way that I was taught. I would never forgive myself if I taught them wrong!

We got in a couple of runs on the blocks and Carl, the instructor, shows up. He thanked me for taking over and starting the class. I had to tell him that it was the other ladies that asked me to do it. I fell back into line and we preceded with the class. After we brought out the mats, Carl asked me to help him teach the class. Oh wow, I could feel my heart leap!!

Carl would show the new students the steps one by one, and then they would come over to me for practice. Meanwhile, Carl would continue working the students that weren't working with me. The only down side to this whole thing is that I didn't really get to practice myself. Thankfully I knew the moves and was able to help them out.

After class, Carl thanked me again for helping, and one of the students asked me if I could help her a little bit more. Of course I said yes! We went through the five basic blocks and I was able to help her clean up her form a little bit. She was very thankful and so was I.

I felt like I was walking on clouds after class. The biggest accomplishment though, other than helping with the class, was I saw myself in the mirror. Now I haven't looked at myself in a mirror for years. If I did look in a mirror, it was from my shoulders up. But this time I saw myself. I saw that my stomach still has a skirt of fat on it, it jiggles back and forth when I move, and it didn't make me want to cry. I am learning to accept myself. However the previous compliments on teaching the class helped too.

So now I am motivated to get back on track. I will hold these good thoughts with me always, and pull them back out should I have a low day. One step at a time, my life will once again by mine.

So never give up, even though things may be tough. There is an open door somewhere and when you are ready to go through it, you will find it.

Did anyone really think this through?!?

New Bra Boosts Women's Cleavage When She's in the Mood
A new, ‘smart’ bra that boosts a woman’s cleavage when she feels sexy is being tested by lingerie designers.
The bra detects changes in body temperature brought on by sexual arousal and squeezes breasts together to create bigger cleavage.
“As a woman’s body changes, so does the size of the bra,” said designer Suzana Gorisek from Slovenia Lisca. “That’s the advantage of this bra.”
The lingerie company is one of the largest lingerie producers in Eastern Europe. Donald Trump’s wife, Melania Knauss, was once its star model.
The bra is already on show at Europe’s largest lingerie event in Paris and is due to hit the streets of Britain this summer.

Ok, as I hear it, the way this works is by heat. When women get aroused your temp. rises. So what is going to happen when you wear it in the summer?!?!?! Outside you have huge boobs, inside in the AC you go back to a size A!!! Not to mention your shirt droops and shows your navel. LOL.

I can't believe what people are coming up with. Now tell me the truth....would you buy and wear one of these?!?!?!

Today's road was paved with good intentions.

The morning started off great. I had a great nights sleep, and woke up in time to make my hubby's breakfast and lunch. I had a nice amount of energy this morning and was very excited when I checked on my veggies. I have a baby zucchini growing!!!

Today I was going to get back on track with things. I have been feeling a bit of depression due to life's little surprises, so I haven't been to the gym in over a month for either strength training or cardio. I have gone for karate a few times but I haven't been in the right frame of mind and did really poorly. So with that I have been kicking myself pretty hard. But today I was going to get in at least a half an hour on my stationary bike, hold a horse stance for a full minute, and try and get in a good 50 sit-ups. I was going to total all of our bills so I could get a good idea of what we are looking at when I call a credit consolidator. Yep, we have fallen into the plastic trap and like a roach motel, we checked in and can't get out. I'm so glad our economy has fallen into the toilet. But all in all it's a good thing really, we can get back to living within our means again. Anyway, the rest of the day was going to consist of cleaning house, I wish it was just dusting, and vacuuming, and that sort, but no, I have to admit, I am a hoarder. I have a house full of stuff that I have no room for, but of coarse I can't get rid of it, I might use it someday!!!

Now all of this sounds pretty trivial to most but believe me it is a tremendous undertaking. I washed all of the dishes. What, you say, you don't have a dishwasher?!?!?! Nope! I not only don't have a dishwasher, but I don't have any kids to torture to do them either. LOL. I made some apple cinnamon muffins for tomorrow's breakfast, which made the house smell fantastic!!! Oh if only I could eat soft breads and such I would have eaten one right out of the oven. Then it was time to let Shadow have some outside time, so we sat outside for awhile. It was such an awesome morning. The wind was just blowing soft enough that it cooled things off and the sun was just warm enough to feel like you were snuggled in a cozy blanket. Now by this time I started feeling kind of lazy, but I still had a ton of things I wanted to do. So I came in the house and jumped on the computer, reading e-mails, checking sites, and logging food intake and blood sugars on my tracking websites. Yep I'm diabetic. But the nice thing is that after my surgery I haven't had to take any medicine for it. My diabetes was controlled by diet and meds before, I never had to use insulin thank goodness. Not to mention my glucose level was very good this morning too. Well while I was playing on the computer it was time to total the bills. All of a sudden a wave of dread came over me. Ugh. The thought of knowing how bad I had gotten us in debt was sickening. I turned off the computer and decided to do something else. Unfortunately that something else was to sit on my can and watch tv. I really wanted to eat some comfort food, not caring what type it was, just as long as it wasn't good for me. I managed to curb the craving by drinking some Crystal Light. But if you have ever had a craving before and have been an emotional eater, you know that this solution was not going to last for long. It did however last for a couple of hours. Luckily by this time it was time for lunch. Shadow and I sat down to a quick chicken salad with some crackers. We laid down for just a minute then the next thing I know we've fallen asleep for an hour!!! Geez, so much for my energy this morning. Where did it all go?!?!?

The day is half over, I haven't gotten anything done, and now I really feel like dirt. Here comes that chocolate craving. Oh I am ashamed to say what I would have done for a chocolate bar!! Fortunately or unfortunately I didn't have any chocolate. I did however have some Dibs. Yep, I tore into those like I haven't eaten in years. One of the bad things about Lap Band surgery is that things like that (sugar etc) don't get stuck and I don't get sick from eating them. I do get very fat and unhappy though. So why do I eat them? That is just one of the many things that I have to still work on for changing my lifestyle. You would think that it wouldn't be that hard not to eat a whole tub full of junk. But once I start it's like my head turns off and my arms take over shoveling stuff in my mouth. It's not like I'm really tasting and enjoying things by this time. It's like I'm an addict. I guess in a way I am. I'm a food addict. As you guessed, I am kicking myself for eating junk. At least it got me back on the computer to do the bills.

I did finally get the bills totaled, but that was the only thing I got accomplished today. AARRGGG!! In fact I was so preoccupied by feeling sorry for myself, I didn't defrost enough pork loin for dinner. So rather than Mu Shu Pork, my hubby had a fried egg sandwich, and I had some scrambled eggs and ham. Woo hoo.

I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day. I am going to will myself to have a good day. I need all the good karma I can get.

So as you see just because I had the surgery doesn't mean that it's still easy to lose the weight. As the ladies in my support group like to say, "we had bariatric surgery, not brain surgery!" LOL.

Crispy Lemon Chicken Thighs

Today was the first day of getting back on track and cooking every meal. I found this recipe in one of my cookbooks. The cookbook was Better Homes and Gardens Cooking for 2. It sounded really easy and quick but tasty too. I made it as instructed in the recipe but when I make it again, I will make a few changes. I will note the changes at the end of the recipe. So I won't make you wait any longer...

1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
2 tsp. lemon pepper seasoning
1 tsp. dried parsley flakes
2 Tbsp. lemon juice
2 Tbsp. olive oil
4 boneless, skinless chicken thighs (about 10 oz. total)

In a shallow dish, combine cornmeal, lemon-pepper seasoning, and parsley. In another shallow dish, combine lemon juice and 1 tablespoon of the oil. Dip chicken in lemon juice mixture, then in cornmeal mixture to coat.

In a large nonstick skillet, cook chicken in remaining hot oil over medium heat for 16 to 18 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink (180 degrees F), turning once.

And here it is. Sorry the photo is not the greatest, I'm getting used to a new camera. Anyway I put them in the oven to keep warm while I cooked the other two thighs. They were super moist and tender and the flavor was subtle but tasty.

The lemon-pepper seasoning I used was Weber Grill Creations Zesty Lemon Seasoning. I also ground it on a fairly coarse grind.

Now here is where I would make some changes. First I think I would boost up the amount of lemon, or better yet maybe use some lemon or citrus olive oil. The other thing I would do is to put in a little bit of lemon zest to help boost the flavor too.

As for cooking them in the skillet, well I had some issues that the cornmeal coating was not sticking well enough to the chicken. So I was thinking of baking the chicken on a wire cooling rack and to spray the chicken with either some Pam or Pam Olive Oil. That way it would get the crispy texture without the oil.

All in all, I will most definitely make this again. It was nice and light and would go nicely with just about anything. I hope you enjoy this recipe too.

The start of a healthy me and garden

I decided that I was going to grow a few tomatoes this year. Well as I got buying, I couldn't control myself. It was a sale!!! How could I ever pass it up? My first plant was a tomato. I found a type of tomato that my hubby could eat, it has low acid. Then I saw the bell peppers. You can't have tomatoes without bell peppers. However I didn't notice that there were 3, yes three plants in the pot!!! Ok I can give them away. Next I decided to get zuchinni, cucumbers, roma tomato, cherry tomato, parsley, and finally spinach!!! What was I thinking?!?!?! Well I won't have to buy produce for awhile. Anyone need some veggies. The worst part about this whole thing is, my hubby doesn't really like veggies, and I can't stand cucumbers!!! LOL What great planning on my part. But it's all good, not to mention I am enjoying watching them grow and comparing them to my mom's plants. Mine are winning by the way. Hee hee.