This morning I decided that it was time for a change. I used the two weeks that mom and Kelly were in Texas to try and get my training and life back in order. The eating part I was not so successful though.
I have not seen my surgeon for over 6 months. It all started with another surgeon telling me that I didn't have to come back for two months. Well in that two months, I gained 25 pounds. I kept canceling appointments thinking that I could get the weight off. I never did. I am still about 20 pounds heavier than my last weigh in. I didn't want to disappoint my surgeon. He didn't want me to have the Lap Band surgery but I told him that I would work extra hard to get the weight off. Now I haven't worked hard enough.
I have decided to return to my surgeon in October. October 20th is my 1 year anniversary of surgery. Good or bad, I have to see him. I have to let go of the guilt I feel for gaining the weight and dropping the ball. I have to forgive myself to move on. So that is what I'm going to do. Monday morning, I am going to call the hospital and schedule an appointment. I have been working hard with my strength training and a little better with my cardio, now I have to get the eating portion under control.
I have also decided to return to karate. It was something that I really enjoyed and I need to get back to it. I have to learn not to let people dictate how I live my life. It is MY life and I am doing this for ME. Now if only I can really, truly believe that, the battle will be won! But I continue to try to be a healthier, happier me. biting
