Journey to the center of a fat woman: Jan 1, 2011

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year, new thoughts

First of all, Happy New Year everyone!!! I have decided that rather than doing the same old thing with resolutions that I always break, I am not going to make any. Instead I am just changing my life. I know that some things are going to come easier than others, and some things I will have to fight for. But I no longer want to be tied down to "I have to do this". Life is a conscious decision. You either make it what you want it to be or you don't. I have been putting off what I have wanted to do for so long. I want a life without regrets. I want a life without regrets and resentment!!!

How this whole thing got started....

I have been heavy almost all my life. My primary doctor kept telling me that I would be a great candidate for bariatric surgery. I really didn't want to do it. The thought of someone rearranging my innards was not ok to me. So I put off the idea for a good 5 years. Well it wasn't until one Halloween night and an innocent little girl changed my mind.

It was Halloween 2007. I had decorated the front porch and my mom and I were going to hand out candy to all of the trick or treaters. I had a few animatronic things going and the kids were loving the fact that they could come up and get close to everything. Towards the end of the evening a very cute little girl came up to the porch. She put her candy sack down and started staring at everything moving. She was just totally enthralled by it all. Then she looks at me and asks me, "did you get that fat by eating candy?" I smiled and told her yes I did. She went back to watching everything again. Then out of the blue she tells me that I'm going to break the chair I'm sitting in. Again smiling, I tell her it's ok, it's a good strong chair. By this time I thought the little girl was never going to leave. She finally got her candy and left with her grandpa who kept appologizing to my husband for her. It was ok, she was a kid and I don't mind that kids speak what they see. It kind of stung a little bit but it's not like I didn't know I was fat!!! But it wasn't until I put the photos my hubby took of that night on my computer. I saw what the little girl saw. OMG (Oh my gosh)!!!! No wonder she thought I was going to break my chair. I was almost in tears. It was the next business day that I called my doctor and asked for a referral for surgery.