I have had a lot on my mind lately. Between worrying about a package I sent to a friend in England, some wonky things going on with my body, my sister getting a notice that her psychiatrist is dropping her, money ALWAYS being an issue, and many, many more things, my mind is all tied up in knots.
When I start to feel this way, the first thing I normally do is to either eat or hide somewhere from the world. Since I am unable to totally break all of my habits, I decided to do some therapy cooking. I am fine cooking as long as I don't let myself "dip into" the tasting habit. So I decided that I had some chocolate chips hanging around that I knew I would start searching for to eat if I didn't do something with them. So I made 4 dozen cookies. Which I might add I have only had 4 of them in 2 days!!!! Not bad for a girl that would have eaten 4 plates of them before they even hit the table!!! Since I had started the cooking process, I decided that I needed to get back to my meal plans. It makes life so much easier when I have already thought of what to eat for the day. We eat better when I do that too!! No throwing things together to make a meal, or eating out because food just doesn't sound appealing to fix. Not to mention that I usually use my weekends to prepare a ton of food for the week, so if I have a hectic week, there is food ready to throw in the oven or whatever.
With that in mind, I made some hamburgers with cheese stuffed in them so they are ready to throw on the BBQ. I cleaned out the refrigerator and put all of the food in containers so it's easy for Jim to take it for lunch. I have created my weekly menu for all of the meals not just dinners.
I started picking up the kitchen and going through a ton of papers to throw away. I was doing ok as long as I kept busy. Once I started to stop and do nothing, the depression and thoughts of eating came rushing back. This usually happens when I have too much on my mind and I don't let any frustration out. I can usually get rid of a lot of this negative stuff by going to the gym. But since I haven't been feeling up to par, I haven't been going to the gym this last week. Which is probably why my body is feeling wonky!!! Oh it's such a catch 22 it's not funny!! I do realize that most of the problems I encounter are of my own doing. I don't think I'm happy unless I'm stressed or miserable. That's pretty sad!!!
But I got through the day without too many issues or food stuffed into my mouth!!! I wish that some days it was easier and that I didn't have to think about what I am doing so much. But if I don't think about it, that's when I get into trouble. I start eating and not taking care of myself and that just makes things that much worse. So today is yet another day, with more decisions to make. I can make this change, but wow some days are just killers. So my decision today is to stay busy and get through the weekend. I'm not going to throw this weekend away, I will maintain trying to stay focused, but Monday, I hit the grind stone hot and heavy. If I can't make the choices mentally then I will have to make them forcefully!!! I will have to push, push, push myself to work through things and not use food to make the choices for me.
I can do this, and I will do this.....I just hope I make it through alive!!!! LOL. Here is to a stronger, healthier, happier me.
No comments:
Post a Comment