It's 2:39pm on a Thursday afternoon, and 85 days until my best friend Wendy's wedding. I had set a goal of 50 pounds lost in 5 months. Now with my Lap Band it should be no problem. In fact it should be a total walk in the park. But no. I am having problems. I could make excuses on why I'm not losing weight, like I have too much stress, no time, I've been sick, I've hurt my shoulder (I really did), but they are just that, excuses. I have lost a bit of my drive and motivation. Yes, it's harder to get to the gym because Jim and I only have the one car now, but I have an exercise bike here at home. But there again, it's an excuse.
Exercise is not the only problem either. My eating has gotten out of control. I have gone back to my pre-surgery habits again. The sneaking food, this is the worst one because I'm only hurting myself. Jim doesn't care if he has that apple pie, or chocolate bar. But yet I feel like I have to hide it from him that I have eaten it. And I have been eating stupid things!! Like I get a craving for cheese. All in all the cheese is not that bad for me...except when I eat half of a cup of it!!! I start out okay in the mornings and sometimes even into lunch. It's the time after lunch that kills me. I eat without thinking. I sometimes eat as early as a half an hour after I have eaten lunch.
I STILL don't have any feeling of being full or hungry. I am back to eating because I'm bored, stressed, unhappy, or breathing. This has got to stop!! And it has to stop now!!! Another disgusting aspect of this bad habit, is that I am lying to myself. Sort of an out of site, out of mind. Except when I get on the scale at the gym or try and put on my Gi for karate, that it comes back into site and into mind. After it has come back into mind, I feel guilty, disgusted, and totally down on myself and yep you guessed it, I start eating again. The sad thing is that it doesn't comfort me anymore and yet I still do it.
I have to get this weight off, not just for the wedding but for my own sake and health. I haven't seen my surgeon for 4 months because I'm ashamed of the 25 pounds I have put back ON!!! I was 20 pounds away from 100 pounds lost until I put the pounds back on.
I am not sure how to get my head back into the game. I know what I have to do, but I am having a hard time actually doing it. So I am breaking down and asking all of you for help. Those of you who really know me, know that this is the hardest thing for me to ever do, is ask for help. But I have no other option.
Okay, here we go...knock it off!! You need to go thru the fridge and throw out everything you are not allowed to have. STOP!! I realize that this is easier said than done, but you are going to do this. You did not go thru everything for your surgery to not succeed at this. During the week of July 6, I want you to lose 5 pounds. As soon as you have eaten breakfast, lunch, and even dinner, you get out and exercise even if it's only taking a walk with Shadow or throwing the ball for her...she can be your greatest help thru this! By the way, Jim does not need to have anything else in the house either! For pete's sake, he needs to watch his diet (and yes, I know he's gonna love this), but he's had a heart attack. He has GOT to start helping you out and doing his part. Next time you all go grocery shopping, take a list (nothing on it that you can't have--I don't care if Jim wants it or not) DO NOT BUY ANYTHING THAT ISN'T ON THAT LIST!! I do not want you to think I'm preaching to you, but I really do want you around for a long time, and I'm starting to worry...you know that I'm not supposed to have stress right?? (see how neatly this all comes back to me!)...I'll be checking with you next week.
ReplyDeleteLove you, Liz